Hi
I lost my dad 15 weeks ago and I’m not coping at all it was sudden and I can’t seem to get my head around it. He was my only parent as I lost my mum when I was 4 she was murdered I’m 52 now and being an orphan has hit me hard, having no one. My dad was married to my step mum and had been for 23 years but since his death she’s cut me and my kids off bit by bit, not much say in his funeral, picked up his ashes and didn’t tell me, I had to find out on fb when she put a picture on. They always came up on Xmas day and Boxing Day every year, but this year she said she wasn’t I was hurt but respected her wishes, I mean it was hard for me and the kids too but I had to carry on for them, even thou they are older. Since then she’s removed my dad from fb I asked her why she did it I wanted it there to remember him and write on his wall birthdays and stuff, she said she needed to for her head, I was broken, no thought for me and my kids. She’s not even offered me no ashes, and I know it’s not him and I have him in my heart, but it’s the thought would of been nice to be offered, since he was my dad. I’m finding that I’m just walking around in a fog and it won’t lift, doesn’t still seem real he’s gone he was my rock my go to and now I have no one. Yes I have my kids who are adults now but last thin* I want do is go to them, I have to be the strong one as there dad isn’t around as we divorced 5 years ago and he doesn’t bother with them.
I can’t seem to get it together even thou it’s been 15 weeks seems like yesterday, I cry most days on my own. Xmas was dreadful and strange and my anxiety was on another level I think I drank to get thou the day. But my birthday is coming up too in feb now I’m getting anxiety again, my first one without him. Sorry for ranting just needed get it off my chest, I feel so alone and angry at times, everything has changed and I can’t get my head around it, I hate it. X
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