Lost my dad 16 years ago

I’m 22 now and don’t really know how to deal with it. He was my main parent and died in a motorbike crash whilst we were at school. The police drove us across the country to his brother’s house who told us he was dead, my mum didn’t want to leave work early so got there at some point in the night. We never had a space for him in our house growing up, my mum had cheated and left before he died anyway so it almost felt like a convenience to her. She moved the guy she’d been cheating with in a few months after he died and they began wedding planning and looking for new houses whilst redoing my dad’s house that he’d just done up himself that we all lived in. They soon married and we moved and the only remembrance of him was this huge picture my mum commissioned of the place he died which I have always hated because it doesn’t remind me of him, just the fact he died.
I’m sorry for this long ramble but we don’t speak about him and I’m realising that i do struggle with it still. I don’t really remember him so feel guilty about being upset, I’ve created the perfect dad in my mind and that’s what it feels like I lost even though I’m sure he had his flaws. I don’t know his birthday, and for years only knew that he died on a Wednesday until I went searching for a news article online.
I just wish I knew him or someone I could relate to, I have spoken to a friend about it and she told me I motivated her to get back in contact with her dad which is nice but also a bit of a kick in the teeth when I’m explaining what it’s been like because i can’t just call him.
I miss him and i feel guilty for it. Can anyone relate to losing a parent as a child? How do you cope with the fact they’ll never be at any of your milestones?

Hello @flora,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

You might also want to look at this article: Losing a parent - coping with the death of a parent | Sue Ryder

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,