I lost my dad 3 weeks ago to cancer, I was with him when he passed away, I was very close to him, we had his funeral Saturday 110th Feb on his 69th birthday, I’m going back to work tomorrow and I really feel like I’m dreading the normality of it, I’m worried about my mum being on her own, but I know she has to be now but it just seems such a strange feeling like why is everything going back to normal when things will never be the same again, I feel like an emotional wreck this week and I’ve been ok for the last 2 weeks, is this how it is now
Hi leanne,i can see where your coming from, its hard to see the outside world carrying on as normal when your world wont ever be the same again ,i hated driving in the car and life passing by as normal for others while inside …well we know that pain inside.
I returned to work quite quickly after my dad passed on the 5th of jan, my world felt out of control and i took santuary in the fact that was routine i knew what i had to be doing and when, i also have a wonderful boss who said if you need to take a moment or even just go then do it.
I would say the same to you take that moment if you need it, dont be hard on yourself or expect to feel this way or that, take it as it comes and deal with it in the moment.
As for your mum i know that feeling too i hate everytime i leave my mum she was with my dad 53 years having never spent more than a couple of days at a time away from eachother, but the harsh reality is she is going to have to go through the motions of adjusting to him not being there and no matter how hard you try or want to be you cant be there all the time, so what i do with my mum is invite her round for tea or go to her for tea make plans to do this on that day ect just so she has plans and im with her, i touch base with her a couple times a day just to check in with her wether im seeing her or not.
Im so sorry for your loss losing a parent is undescribable but my dads strength is what gets me through because that how he taught me to be .
I hope my long words have been comfort, take care and be kind to yourself , jo
jo, thank you for your reply, your words are exactly right about mum etc, sorry for your loss too, I’ve messaged mum this morning she is just I feel putting on a brave face but I know she’s not doing good bless her, I’m at work now and actually I feel not too bad, but my job entails working with people with a learning disability and actually they’ve been a lovely pick me up as they think I’ve been on holiday not the real reason, so it’s been quite funny, I think sometimes we surprise ourselves how we do cope, thanks for your word of wisdom
Leanne
Dear Leanne…
I am so sorry for your loss and there are no words to explain how you feel is there? I lost my Mum a year ago next week and she and my Dad had been together for nearly 50 years. To say he was/is lost is an understatement…
I went back to work a week after she died as she had become seriously ill the week before she passed and this was the first we knew that she was not going to fine this time…I felt I should go back although I was very wobbly and got in really early incase I wanted to dart away again before anyone saw me…
Work was ok as it gave me structure and people had kind words , others were crass and thoughtless but I took comfort in the fact that they had never know a love like my Mums so it wasn’t their fault… I still took time as and when I could and took care of myself. I spoke to my Dad daily ( and saw him too daily) over the first few weeks and he worried that I would get into trouble speaking to him whilst I was at work… I didn’t but didn’t care anyway as he needed me and that was that.
A year on … and we have moved on if that is any consolation… My Dad is no longer relying on ready meals and finds pleasure in reading and TV again , even if it is just a way of passing the time… I too still go to tell my Mum something and realize I cannot. The first anniversary next week is also looming largely in my thoughts but it is only one day and I will not miss her any more of any less on that day…
I hope work goes ok and it is in some way a comfort . Losing a parent is one of the most fundamental things a person goes though… things shift like you cant imagine so just go with the flow…and look after yourself and your Mum first and it wont get any worse than it feels right now I suspect.
Take care
XXX
thanks Julie,
your story is so much like mine, and yesterday I kept checking my phone to see if mum was ok, I then went up after work and stayed till 1030pm talking about dad, I think as time goes on she’ll rely less and less on us, but I just feel awful when I leave her at the moment, but I know there’s not a lot I can do I have to work. she understands and I probably worry about her more than she thinks I should.
I hope the 1 year anniversary isn’t too painful for you though I’m dreading Christmas but I’m going to do the day differently.
take care
Leanne