Lost my dad but cannot cry

Hi all I’m new to this, I lost my beautiful dad on the 15th may. He was diagnosed with prostate cancer in march of 2020, from the start he had a terminal diagnosis so we knew we were on borrowed time with him but we made the best of everything. I became obsessed over every aspect of his diagnosis, googling all the things to do for him when he had his chemo and what things could help him etc. Then in 2022 he went into kidney failure and I almost lost him, we had to say goodbye 3 times but he made it through by some miracle. He ended up with double nephrostomies (tubes coming from both kidneys into bags outside the skin) I became his carer and “nurse” if you like. We spent so much time together we lived on the same road and between me and my mum we did everything for him. His cancer was advancing and a tumour in his femur caused it to break so he had major surgery to put a pin through it, again was risky but he came through. He was in hospital 3 weeks and had started to get a cough but doctors brushed it off like it was nothing, he came home on the Saturday but during transporting him they dislodged his nephrostomy, he was now only down to one as one of his kidneys was too damaged. So the only working nephrostomy was dislodged, he refused to go back into hospital for two days, by which point he was gravely ill, we were to find out the little cough the doctors had brushed off was now pneumonia that he could not fight and the lack of nephrostomy had caused a build up of potassium. That was it for him, the doctors had no other options than to make him comfortable, he fought against it and to be honest it was the most agonising 17 hours of my life watching him like that, the actual act of him passing took about a minute it was quick like they told us and for that I am thankful.

My dad being terminal gave me a lot of time to think about his death and I cried a lot the last few years of all the things I would never have with him and how he would miss all the things with my children growing up and their lives, he was only 59. Since he has passed I haven’t properly cried I’ve shed a few tears but nothing more than a lip wobble, I feel almost at peace and I’m not sure if this is normal or not. We all have ideas of grief I guess where we should be crying for days, weeks, months, years but that has not happened to me and it’s making me feel awful. My dad was my absolute world and more but I guess I feel really calm with the fact that he isn’t suffering anymore, his funeral is in 2 weeks I wonder if things will change then or not.

I guess the point of my post is just got really write down how I am feeling and to be honest it has felt nice to be able to do that but if anyone has any advice that would be fantastic and much appreciated.

Thank you

1 Like

Hello @Kinkerbelle2703 ,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,


Hi Kinkerbelle2703,

So sorry for your loss. Im feeling much the same… my mum passed in April. We were told at the end of February that her treatment hadn’t worked etc. Me and dad shared caring for her at home.
I feel guilty that i havent cried my eyes out everyday. It feels like i didn’t care about her enough somehow.

However for me i think i had long enough to grieve and accept what was happening in the last part of her illness and when she was at the end of her life. I’m not saying i don’t cry quite often but it’s not an overwhelming sadness.

Take good care