Lost my Dad last night

I’m in absolute bits and genuinely don’t know what to do. I don’t know how I’m ever going to get over this. I’ve never suffered from any mental illness’s and not cried since I was a child, I now can’t stop, I can’t think or do anything. I’m the oldest of four and worrying severely for my siblings and mother. We are all distraught (especially my youngest sister) who’s just turned 21. My Dad was my world, he was only 56yrs old, lived a clean life, never smoked, drank and looked after himself. He tested positive for COVID about 3 weeks ago and struggled to get his breath. He was sent immediately to A&E by his GP because his oxygen levels were at 72% after a week he was put in a coma, and sadly died of multi-organ failure last night. We couldn’t visit or see him, we had know liaison with anyone from the hospital, only when we rang up. We was told daily he was stable, until last night, we were told they couldn’t do anymore.
I feel my life is over, I don’t see this feeling going away, I don’t know what to do.

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Hi Liam,
I am so so so sorry to hear about your Dad. I recently lost my Mum in November very suddenly, she was just 47 leaving me (23), my sister (27) and my Dad. I know the heartache you are feeling right now all too well and I am so sorry you’re having to feel that too. Losing a parent is one of the most painful things and I just want you to know you’re not alone, I’m so sorry this horrible virus has taken your Dad from you and your family. Not being able to visit them in hospital is just horrific isn’t it because it’s the not knowing that makes everything 10 times worse. If you are anything like I was, I’m sure you struggled to eat, sleep, do daily things. I too felt like my life was over, the whole experience of not being able to go in and properly be by their sides and speak to them, is very traumatic. I’m sorry you had to go through it. This pain you are feeling and the emptiness, I’m 3 months on almost and I still feel that every day. I won’t lie to you, I am still very much struggling. I find it hard daily to keep it together, but losing a parent is such a life changing thing that I don’t think anybody ever fully recovers from. We just learn how to cope a bit better and find ways to express it. About 3 weeks after my Mum passed, I bought myself a little notebook and started writing letters to my Mum, I had read about doing that as a way to cope and it has really helped me through my dark days to just write to her and tell her how I am feeling. Maybe you or your sister could try something similar or see if there are ways for you to cope? There are a few ideas online and even being on this website too is a great place to express how you feel because you will get absolutely no judgement.

Again, I am so sorry for you and your family’s loss. Just know that hole you feel at the minute, although it will never go, you will start to cope better. You will always have your down days but when I have my down days I just think about my Mum and what she would want me to do… At my Mum’s funeral part of a passage me and my sister picked really speaks to me on my down days as I can almost hear her saying it… I hope you can take comfort in it and think of your Dad when you read it.

“So Live, be free, and know with every breath you take, you’ll be taking one for me.”

Take care of yourself, he would want you to. All of you. Thinking of you all, if you ever need to chat you can always reply here or pop me a message… Don’t be too hard on yourself, you have gotten through the most difficult part. You did the right thing coming on here and saying how you feel. Take care Liam

I’m reading this flooded with tears. Thank you.
I’m not a emotional person at all, however this has physically broke me. My kids seen me cry for the first time today, I want to be strong for them, but I can’t, I’m a mess. Again thank you from the bottom of my heart, although I’m surrounded by a family who love me, I’ve never felt so alone.

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I know what you mean. You have all those people around you but you just feel like you are all on your own. Don’t ever feel sorry or anything for letting your emotions out too, in the long run it will be a benefit to you otherwise bottling it all up is just going to make you feel even worse. The suddenness of it and the shock will still be in play at the minute too and at some point you will even feel anger if you haven’t already. God I felt so so so angry about 2 or 3 weeks after she died at everything and anyone because the one person who could make me feel better wasn’t there and why had she died like why my mum? People saying everything happens for a reason, they are in a better place ect it is frustrating. You just want the world to stop don’t you :roll_eyes: Don’t try to be strong if you feel like you can’t be just yet, you are allowed to grieve and let everything out don’t starve yourself of that too much. You’ve gotten through the toughest bit. The first 24 hours after. I remember the pain all too well, the actual heart ache, the eyes burning from crying, having to start thinking about the funeral… its so so tough and you have gotten through it. That’s an achievement in itself… don’t be hard on yourself. Your Dad will still be there watching over you all through everything that is to come. Whenever you need to vent, send a message to your dad, just write how you feel… definitely come on here. Its helped me so much & I am confident it will help you too. Take care of yourself and hope the kids are okay too, it’s such a confusing thing for kids isn’t it :pensive:

Hi Charlotte, it’s been 3 days since my awful loss. Thank you for your kind words. I shown our messages to my mum and explained how they have helped me, more than I would of imagined. I’m still suffering badly and completely breaking down most of the day. The lump in my chest is constant. I just want this pain to ease, and selfishly just go to sleep until it’s over, obviously that’s not a option. I want my dad back, we need him. He was our world, our go-to with anything. It’s so hard to accept and still doesn’t seem real. He was a genuinely nice guy, which I’ve always envied. Deep down I know he’s not coming back, but can’t stop screaming in my pillow for him to return to me. Thanks for listening.

                              Liam.
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Oh I’m so sorry you are all going through this. It’s the hardest thing to accept I know. Your dad sounds like he was an amazing man & I understand why that is such a devastating loss :sweat: My mum too was our rock and ever since she passed away she left a big hole in all of us & we’ve had to work together as a family to find our new normal. We still haven’t gotten there yet but this lonely feeling you have, it will take some time but you will start to feel like those around you are your anchor and that loneliness will subside little by little. I still have my days now where I feel all alone with my grief, its completely normal to feel like that but whenever I do I just write a letter to my mum in my notebook & I feel closer to her. You just need to find your thing that helps you, even if its just reading something. I know right now it’s hard to want to do anything but just cry and sleep until everything is over but look after yourself, allow yourself to cry, be sad, be angry, be whatever it is you feel. Losing a parent is crushing. Hope your younger sister is okay too, she is only 2 years younger than me and I know she must be feeling so similarly to how I was. That constant feeling of being robbed of so many years with my mum, she must be broken too. All of this is just so awful, I’m sorry you have to go through it. All of you :cold_sweat:

I’m glad talking on here is helping you. Keep doing that if its helping! Again look after yourself, keep taking each day as it comes… & Don’t be too hard on yourself, you are all managing to get up out of bed every day and that in itself is a massive achievement at a time like this. He is with you all, trust me🙌🏼 Take care, Charlotte.

Thanks for the kind reply Charlotte, although it’s agony speaking of my dad, it’s strangely comforting, I hope you can share this comfort when speaking of your mum. The loss of my dad is still so fresh for all of us, but we have still many questions for the hospital, which worry me.
My dad spent his first week on a c-pac mask. All of us was able to txt him, which helped. My whole family was obviously worried, but never imagined he would not get better. We would ring the hospital every day for updates, they only ever contacted us twice. They contacted us when they were putting him into a induced-coma, and a week later (Monday) to say they could do no more. This came as a massive shock. Like I mentioned we rang at least 3 times a day for updates. We was told even that morning he was very stable. Myself, mum, brother’s, and sister went straight to hospital. We were told we would be met with a consultant. We were told to head straight to ICU. Upon arrival we were met by nobody and left in the corridor outside for 30mins. Finally a consultant explained to us “he’s not got long and there is nothing more they can do” we begged and begged, mentioning transplants etc. We were told he had been renal failure since the prior Wednesday??? We had no idea of this and were never informed. Only 2 of us were allowed in to say goodbye. We was all under the impression that any changes in my dads condition, they were legally obliged to inform us. We have so many questions regarding his death, which on top of this is destroying us. We had no support, promised countless times we would be contacted by doctors and consultant’s, non of this happened. It feels they waited until the very end, then bombard us with all this information. We were told it was his medical decision to not resuscitate, that we had no say. I’m so sorry for venting like this, but it genuinely concerns me, I’ve missed a lot of details out (worse ones) I don’t want any family/person to go through this. Thanks for listening.

                              Liam
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Honestly I understand everything you are saying. We too have so many questions regarding my mum and the lead up to her death, its normal to feel frustration and anger! My mum had struggled with asthma for years and her chest had gotten terrible to the point where she was never off steroids and she had a chest infection once a month, pleurisy multiple times and pneumonia twice. The second time deadly. But they never ever questioned why it kept happening and why she kept having these continuous problems. Then we found out from her death certificate she had copd this whole time and even my mum didn’t know. Because of incompetency along the way, we have to deal with the loss of my amazing Mum so trust me I know this anger you are feeling. When my mum was in the coma we rang all day too and were told she was responding well and then the next thing at 22:06 8.11.20 I got the phone call to get in immediately. It was too late by the time we got there.

The shock is unbearable because you just are left with so many questions! Why? When did that happen? Why didn’t this happen? Why why why… The anger you are feeling will be with you for a long time. I still feel it every day but we are in the process of obtaining my mums medical reports to see why nothing was ever done or investigated through the years and countless A&E visits she had. We will get answers and I hope you get yours too… Families are so precious. I feel your pain I really do

Liam,

I lost my mum last Monday 8.2.2021
I am in pieces.

Mum had covid in December, then recovered from it but then was take to hospital with a heart attack then had multiple organ failure.

My mother was my bestest mate ever. Spoke 4/5 times a day. I feel your pain mate. I do.

I can’t sleep, eat or nothing.

I cry everyday and similar to you I never do.

Thoughts are with you and family.

X

I’m so sorry for your loss, I feel your pain. It’s 3 wks tomorrow since I lost my Dad. It still feels numb, I’m really struggling to accept it.
We buried him on Wednesday, it was awful. I sat there staring at his coffin in disbelief.
It feels as though part of me has died with him. I prey that as time goes on, this awful pain eases. The only advice I can give is to stay close to your family, it’s helping me. Try not let your grief build up, if you need to cry then cry. Speak with family and friends (if you’re comfortable to).
I genuinely wish you the best through this horrible time.
Liam.

Liam,

Honestly I totally feel your pain.

The funeral is on 8.3.2021. It’s a long time away as there are so many deaths.

I am finding my self staring now and not being able to concentrate. Mother was the best thing that ever happened to me. Mind me asking how did your dad pass away?

Me , bro and father are really close and I got really good mates who are also helping me through this.
Anything anyone says though, it’s just not helping and that not there fault it’s just the way it is.

I can’t see a way out of this…

I have always said , I couldn’t imagine the pain of losing my parents but this is unreal.
My mother was 65 way too young.
She was active , looked about 45…

You in Facebook mate?

Liam I have read how he died. Ignore my above question! X

Sorry mate I’m not on Facebook, I’ve never really been interested in social media until now, it sounds weird but I want to meet others who can relate to my pain.
My Dad got COVID-19, and got sent directly to A&E by his GP, due to his blood oxygen levels being so low, he spent a week on a c-pack, then placed into a coma, and supposedly died of multiple organ failure a week later. My Dad was 56yrs old, never smoked, didn’t drink and looked after himself. We still have many questions regarding his death, however it’s just to painful for myself and family to pursue just yet.

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My mum had covid in December then she recovered from it but then , beginning of feb she went to a and e because difficulties with balance pain in shoulders and things. Turns out she had heart attack and multiple organ failure.

Rich

Liam

I am so sorry for your loss I totally get it, my dad died in ICU on the 5th January this year, the grief is unbearable I never got to say bye to him and it hurts like hell, like your dad my dad suddenly died and had a massive brain bleed, my dad had told me on the phone he had been sat in a chair and then he fell banging his head, everybody had said they knew nothing about it at the hospital until the coranor was involved then somebody admitted to putting him in a chair, dad was talking to me on the phone on the 2nd of Jan ( the day he hit his head) on the 3rd he was put into a coma and on a ventilator on the 5th he died

I have never felt pain like this in all my life the grief is unbearable I feel like I will never get over this and not sure if I can ever move on with out him in my life

Please look after yourself

Mate … I’m awake now at 0530 and I’m the same.
My mum comes in to my thoughts straight away.

The pain is absolutely unbearable.

She was the best thing that ever happened to me. She did anything and everything for me.
She was my world bro.
I don’t know how I can love on if I am honest.

I have private messages u , check your inbox x

Hi,

Sorry to hear about your loss. It’s been almost 4 weeks for me, and I’m still struggling. It’s so much harder with all these Covid restrictions in place. I still have many questions related to my dad’s death (just like you) however I’ve not got the energy - yet, to go through any kind of complaints/investigations procedures. I’ll be honest I have lost a lot of faith in the NHS, due to how they have let me and my family down. Do you have a good support network around you? Family? Friends? If not feel free to message me whenever you’re struggling.

       Many kind regards Liam.

Hi mate,

It sounds like your mum was incredible, which makes it all the harder to accept. Stay strong, don’t let things build up, if you need to cry,scream,shout then do it. I never thought in a million years I would seek comfort online, in terrible situation like we’re in - but it helps. I wish you all the best.

                     Warm regards Liam.

I have amazing support from my family, but my mum seems to be giving up she can’t cope without dad, like you we want answers but everything it to raw right now, in time we will get the truth as mum promised dad she would.

Covid is relentless isn’t it, even at there funerals its restricted, having to tell people they can’t come has broken my mum bless her, everyone watched online but its not the same

I just miss him so much and he didn’t deserve all this, like you im not on any social media but losing dad I feel I need to talk to people who get me, who have experience this pain

Thankyou for reading this
Take care

If you ever need to talk please message me I know the pain you feel, grief can take you to places you didn’t know were possible but talking to people does help I promise and we will smile again

It just takes time,
X

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