It’s the first time I’m using this platform and the first time I’m really opening up. I’ve lost my dad in September 2024 to cancer and as time passes, instead of things getting easier, they are getting harder. I can’t believe that he’s gone and I feel so angry at everyone and everything! I have days that I just can’t seem to stop crying. Even writing this is making me cry. I am finding it hard to cope. I just wish I could talk to someone. No one understands the pain.
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Hi Temporary,
I’m so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. I totally understand everything you’re going through. You are not alone.
Do you have any siblings to share your feelings with? Have you spoken to your doctor about counselling?
I lost my mum in late July & the pain at times has been unbearable. I have spent many days in bed & have retreated from the world. Some days I’m exhausted just from the crying. I’m shocked by the anger I feel. I’m not just angry about mums treatment but also I’m angry at everything & everyone. I can see I’m pushing people away as I’ve become consumed with my grief. This has lessened over this last week but the whole Christmas thing is paining me. There’s no Christmas without mum.
We love so powerfully & deeply & so our losses have impacted us greatly.
All you can do is take each day at a time. Minute by minute, hour by hour.
Be kind & patient with yourself.
Keep posting on here as we are all trying to find a way through our loss.
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You’ve come to the right place here. I understand, also having lost my dad, and many others too. It’s difficult for people who haven’t gone through it themselves to really get it and even if they mean well it makes you feel very lonely. Christmas coming up doesn’t make it easier either. Don’t look ahead right now, it will only seem impossible scary. Take it one moment at a time. I’m so sorry for your loss. 
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I can’t believe people read my message here and I am so grateful for your kind words. It feels so good to hear that I’m not alone.
I have a brother who loved my dad too, we were so close before but since my dad has passed I just can’t open up to him. He was there when my dad passed and I wasn’t and in a way I feel guilty for that. I have so many new conflicting emotions that I don’t know how to deal with. On top of that I have a 3 year old that needs constant attention, a full time job and a house to run. My husband tries to talk to me but he just doesn’t understand. I feel so lonely in this. I don’t want counseling because I feel like if I talk about it, it becomes real! I know it sounds childish and crazy but I just don’t know how I am feeling!
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All of us on here understand where you are coming from. I came here in desperation when I couldn’t get any professional help.
I’m a few weeks further along the grief journey than you & up until a few weeks ago I too didn’t want any counselling, but I realised that I was both internalising my grief & also lashing out at others who care & were trying to help & think I need help from someone who understands grief from a professional viewpoint. I suggest asking for counselling now because I was told my area has up to a 5 month waitlist, so even though I really was ready a few weeks ago I may not yet get an appointment until April.
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I also struggle to talk to my siblings as I have nothing new to say except that I need my mum, I can’t take the pain anymore & that she’s not coming back. My older sister & I cry all over the place & I haven’t yet gone a day without breaking down.
Today I was able to explain to my 8 year old nephew that I’m not looking forward to Christmas. He already knew that. But I told him Nannie wants us to do Christmas for him so we put a small tree up & some decorations. That felt like a bit of progress for me.
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I feel like you are going through exactly how I feel. Not being able to talk to siblings, breaking down and not looking forward to Christmas is what I feel. You are right in saying I should look for counseling. I’ve read so many books about dealing with grief and at the end the message is all the same; get professional help. I still haven’t accepted it.
I’m glad to hear that you have put up a small Christmas tree, I am sure that your mom would have liked you to celebrate it especially since you have little kids in the family. Maybe leave a plate at the table for your mom with her picture? That’s what I’m planning to do for my dad. I’m also going to get him a present and a card.
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I can’t talk to my brother either, because he had a different relationship with dad and grieves very differently. It’s hard, because in one sense you want to talk about it, to share memories, but when you’re not on the same page (so to speak) it just gets awkward.
I don’t think it sounds childish! I get it completely. But it might be good to ask about it, like Anna said there can be a long wait and then you have time to think about it. Counselling can be useful, especially if you don’t have others to talk to about your grief. 
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Do you feel guilty that you can’t talk to your siblings? I feel like I’m a terrible sister for not being able to open up to my brother. What if he feels the same and just needs me to start talking?
I will ask for counseling, you guys are right, there might be a long wait. But it actually feels so good to open up here and talk to people that are going through the same thing.
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I think we try not to upset each other so it’s probably more that we don’t want to set each other off crying. Sounds silly when I read that back as I’m always thinking about mum & I’m pretty much always on the verge of tears. It really doesn’t take much to make me cry since mum died.
Also I think one of my sisters doesn’t feel much. She rarely saw mum this last decade by her own choice (once she no longer needed a free childminder) . I haven’t seen her cry once.
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I totally understand what you mean. It’s difficult as we all grieve differently and maybe your other sister is grieving but not showing and that annoys you?
I don’t get any notifications on here so read the messages late which is a shame as this has actually helped calm me down a little.
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Not exactly guilty, I’m not sure he wants to talk about it and the times I’ve tried it gets weird. He didn’t get along with dad like I did, for lots of complicated reasons. It sounds like your brother could be open to talking, though. Would it feel very difficult to ask if he wants to?
This site is such a lifeline. You can search for posts too, if there’s a particular subject you want to read more about, like guilt or loneliness etc.
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No it doesn’t annoy me. It’s very sad that mum did so much for her & she is not bothered in the least.
I’m SO sorry to read your message and I know exactly how you feel because I lost my wonderful Dad very suddenly a few weeks ago to pancreatic cancer and am in bits. He is constantly in my thoughts and I’m struggling to hold it together, so my heart goes out to you. It is such a difficult time with Christmas looming. Take good care of yourself, do what you need to do to cope with your loss, what feels right and if you need to have a good old cry just do it. Much love to you … x x x
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I guess that’s understandable if your brother didn’t get along with your dad. With my brother, he just deals with his emotions differently from mine. He just wants to make sure I’m ok and it upsets him when I cry. It comes from a place of love and care which is so great but at the same time I can’t open up to him.
That’s so sad to hear! Honestly sometime it just makes you feel how people deal with things so differently.
Gosh I’m really sorry for your loss. I can just imagine what you are going through. I feel you! You know when people say that time is a healer? It really isn’t! You just learn to pretend better, that’s all!