Lost my dad on Valentine's day

Me and my mum lost my dad on 14.2.18. He had a massive stroke but the paramedics put it in to A&E as diarrhoea and vomiting so he wasn’t treated in time, it has been a few days and we’ve had lots of family and friends around. Lots of tears and laughter when sharing stories.

My dad was such a character and my mum is feeling the loss massively.
Sometimes she’s happy and sometimes she wales and cries and it’s hard for me to bear, I just don’t know how to react and my anxiety is through the roof.

Has anyone got any advice on how yo cope with my anxiety, I feel anxious but numb at the same time, I wonder wether I’ll ever feel the pain of it all and it makes me more anxious waiting for that day…

Thank you


Hi Natalie,

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve lost your dad and that your anxiety is so overwhelming. Grief can involve a whole range of different emotions, and it doesn’t follow a set pattern, so it is better to try to take things day by day rather than worrying about how you will feel in the future.

I thought you might be interested to know that two other users - Caz5566 and Joey - have also been posting about anxiety after losing a parent. You can read and reply to what they have written here: Anxiety

You can also read and reply to other recent conversations in the Losing a Parent section of the site.

It sounds as though you are a caring daughter and it’s understandable that it’s hard to see your mum upset, but all her reactions are very natural. The best thing you can do is to be there for her and allow her to express her emotions in the way that she needs to. Cruse Bereavement have some more advice on supporting someone else who is bereaved, which you might find helpful.

Hi Natalie, I’m really sorry to hear this about your dad. I lost my dad suddenly nearly 5 years ago now. He was my best friend and my hero. He and my mum had been together for nearly 40 years and never spent more than a day apart.

At the time I had no idea how we would cope, my sister was 16 and doing her exams at school and life pretty much felt over for us all. However with the support of loved ones, friends and family you will start to feel like you can carry on. Take each day as it comes and realise there will be good and bad days but your dad is always with you.

Now we laugh about the good times and still cry when we think about how much we miss him but we feel comforted knowing each day we try make him proud as he wouldn’t want us to be sad.

Nobody ever gets over it but in time you will learn how to cope better just a little bit each day. Xx

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Thank you so much for your kind words.

I moved back into my mums from my house share on Saturday. I’m in my 3rd year of nursing at university. I want to do well and make him proud but its hard.

I just constantly picture his face in the hospital looking so helpless and it kills me… I feel so bad for my mum, she is so up and down and its horrible seeing her upset.

Do you have any advice on supporting my mum?
it just feels so unfair, my dad was only 50 and none of this seems right…

Thank you for your kind words.

Love, Natalie xx

You are supporting your mum by being there your dad would be proud of you. Just talking and crying together is support, please talk about the good times with dad and laugh at the fun times you experiencedo together. Practical is trying to eat well and perhaps suggesting a little walk in the fresh air, when this cold weather goes of course, perhaps checking mum is alright paying the bills and if you have anyone to call on to come visit mum when you are out and about. You are grieving too so don’t neglect yourself and allow yourself time for tears and let your friends know when you need a hug xx

Thank you for your advice, I have been just sitting with mum when she’s upset and down and also laughing and we’ve spoken about dad so so much. The funeral isn’t until 23rd March so it’s a long agonising wait! We had a call today asking us to bring some clothes for dad and then we can see him in the chapel of rest, but my mum is really unsure about whether to go and see him there, I want to but she isn’t sure and it’s hard because I feel like she will regret it if she doesn’t go.

Thank you so much for all your support, it means so much to hear from people who u understand how I feel.

Hi Natalie, the 23rd would have been my dads 60th birthday so I will be thinking of you and your family on that day too.

I went to see my dad at the chapel of rest and he looked peaceful which brought me comfort. My mum wasn’t sure either as she wanted to remember him how he was but I think she’s glad she did go.

We are all hear for the same reason so you’ll never be alone and we know exactly what you’re going through. As I said before, things never are quite the same but over time you’ll laugh at the stories again and they won’t make you cry as much. You’ll look at his picture and smile rather than be sad.

Take care xx

Hard to say what is best about seeing your dad. Leave it to your mum’s own feelings is all I can say. I went to see my dad and vowed I wouldn’t go to see my mum. But when I got the call to say mum was ready for visitors I started dithering and in the end I did go. They do look quite different and this yout have to expect but also look peaceful. One of my sisters didn’t go and I did take a photo of my mum which I have just in case she ever turns and say I wish I had seen her. It did help me i think as at the funeral is had a clear image of how she looked rather than wondering. But whatever decision your mum takes just support her and let her know it’s fine.

It’s 10 weeks tomorrow since my mum passed and I am older than you but have found it difficult to cope with. This week though I do feel like the darkness of grief has lifted so don’t rush to grieve let it takes it time. Loveven tears hugs and talking all are ways to get through this time. Big hugs to you and there is light at the end you are doing a great job from what you say. I was 27 when I lost my dad and it brought me and my mum even closer and mum became strong again because of our love. So love is the greatest healer. My husband’s love for me is helping me get through mum’s passing. Xx

Thank you for your advice, we have an appointment to see him today. I’ve been up since early with mum and every time she talks about it and talks about what she’s taking to put it the coffin she wells up.

I just hope it will be ok for her and she will feel comfort from going. She is spiritual person and believes that his spirit has already gone. So I hope she can keep seeing him separate from what she believes.

I feel like it won’t be as much of a bad experience for me as I am a nurse and I’ve seen dead bodies many times…

Thanks so much for your advice.
Love, Nat xxxxx