Im 39yrs old, Dad and me have always been close - I was always a Daddys girl. In April we lost him very suddenly, and I am absolutely broken. I work as a nurse and have been using work as a distraction, but reality has hit now. I am haunted by the way he left us, and the realisation that I can never see him again. Some days I cant eat or drink, and I feel physically ill with fear. The grief is physically and mentally debilitating
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Hello @Lynnbug,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling . I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
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Sorry to hear this, I lost my dad last June unexpectedly to cancer, I feel the same with work tbh it’s been over a year and I just can’t focus, I work with children and just have no passion or take it seriously anymore. Every day I feel gets more difficult. I was also a daddies girl and is so overwhelming at times, need to keep myself busy, quiet times are the worst x
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Hi,
I am so sorry for your loss. I know how you feel I lost my beloved dad, my hero 10days ago.
I like you was the epitome of a daddy’s girl and don’t how I will live without him.
I go from feeling physically ill, not eating or sleeping to tears or anger.
I also feel an illogical sense of jealousy at others who still have their dad.
I know that’s not how our dads would want us to feel and I hope with time we won’t always feel that way, even though we will never forget them, hopefully we will find joy in life again.
Do you have support from family and friends?
I to work in the health sector but I’m currently off work. I am struggling with going back as I work in bereavement and donation. It’s so hard as it’s an important part of me but one I need to be fully mentally prepared for. As your a little further down the line than me how did you find returning to work?
I’m sorry I had no advice, it’s early days for me but please know your not alone x
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Hello,
So sorry that you find yourself here, but at the same time you’ve come to the right place.
I’m 39 too and we lost my dad, who I adore, suddenly in November. I have read that sudden death can never be comprehended, beyond the basic mechanics.
Can you access counselling through work? I did, through the employee assistance program. There was no waiting. My first session took place the next working day after I requested it.
Good luck 
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Im so sorry, and I understand the turmoil that you’re in at the moment. I went back to work after 7 weeks, but I hadn’t fully processed what had happened. I wailed like a baby when they withdrew Dads ventilator, then I couldnt cry for weeks. I was just numb.
So work was - unknowingly - my way of avoiding facing reality. I was glad to be back, and found I’ve been like 2 completely different people. Absolutely fine at work, and ill and unable to function or eat at home.
If I could give you any advice it would be to make sure you don’t do the same thing, because as much as it is a relief to feel some normality at work, I started to dread my days off. Im back on the sick now. It still hurts every day - I still often struggle to eat or function at home, but I try to focus on what Dad would want for me. Our Dads would understand our pain and turmoil, but if they could fix it for us they would.
I’m lucky that I have good family, my Mam - who is also grieving hard, has been my absolute rock, and I have to keep going for my 11 yr old daughter who was also very close to my Dad.
I hope you have some good support around you as well 
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Thank you. I have an appointment with occ health next week, I’ll ask about bereavemt counselling
Can I ask how things are for you now? Since you’re a little further down the line?
Its a pain like no other I’ve ever felt. I was numb at first and have avoided facing reality since. I think the most difficult part is now. Facing the reality that I have to learn how to live without my Dad, my absolute hero and the one who I’ve always looked up to and admired most. I don’t know how I’ll do it, it’s a learning curve that I wish none of us had to experience
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I lost my Dad in December. He was my hero and soulmate. I was his only child, he regularly told me I was the meaning of his life, the universe and everything. I too have coped through distraction…I work part time and fill my other time with studying with the Open University, hobbies and housework. Some days are better than others. I’ve never been sure if I, Daddy’s girl, could make it on my own. But I remind myself I’m not totally alone (although of course other people are not the same) as I have good friends and colleagues, lovely husband and Mum (no other family). I remember a quote from a tv series “I don’t know how to carry on in a world where my Dad doesn’t exist.” My guess is that never really changes
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It’s been over 9 months for me, and I’ve basically adapted by refusing to believe that he “doesn’t exist”. Like, as long as I and my mum and my siblings, and my dad’s cousins are here, as long as the people who love him are still here, then so too is he.
I was telling someone who didn’t know I’d lost my dad, recently, and she said that losing someone suddenly and unexpectedly, as we did, means that you don’t get to say goodbye. She of course meant well, but the way I see it, the word “goodbye” isn’t relevant to my story. I haven’t and won’t “say goodbye” because my dad will always and forever be with me, in my heart, and in my family around me. There’s no goodbye needed, because my bond with my daddikins is too strong for anything to affect it. 
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@Burgled That’s beautiful. I don’t have much of a family but I agree that our Dads continue in our hearts and minds. I enjoy talking about my Dad most of the time… sometimes I find it’s too hard but not normally. There’s a song in the Lion King musical “He lives in you.” Seems appropriate
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Oh, I love the Lion King. I can’t watch it since losing Pops, but I always think of Rafiki’s “Remember who you are”, which reminds me that I am my parents’ daughter and that they are very learned and educated and excellent people, and I need to strive for the same.
And I actively sing “Circle of Life” in my head whenever I’m trying to dislodge an ear worm.
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