I am really struggling.
My dad was my absolute world growing up, we were so close. As an adult I’d see him almost everyday. Finish work and sit with my dad in the evening. Trained in the gym together. Saw him every day when my daughter was born, would often be with him from morning till my other half finishing work.
During covid he had to shield, he got so lonely, no gym/exercise and his health declined, breathing worsened. This got put down to no exercise, being alone etc.
he developed a strange lump on his back and after a huge cock up with referrals we finally saw the right specialist, they removed it and sent us on our way. Dad then got a latter saying it was skin cancer and arranged a scan. He had the scan and we found out a week later by telephone that he had cancer in the lung. Soon as we found out he was so much calmer and relaxed, less anxious and agitated. We were waiting on an appointment to find out where/how bad it was etc.
We were seeing my dad daily and on the Tuesday I said I’d move his bed as I was scared he’d fall, he told me not to as he wouldn’t be here long. On the Friday he asked me when Xmas was and i said another month- he was disappointed. On the Saturday me and my little girl arrived at 9am and he was gone.
I am so upset and angry that he was alone, that despite seeing so many professionals in his last few months nobody realised how poorly he was , or that we got a diagnosis sooner. Of course I’m glad of that last week where we got him some proper pain relief and him knowing seemed to calm him, almost like he didn’t have to hide it any longer. I feel so guilty - that I let him down. That I didn’t know he was at the end, that I wasn’t there when he passed. He knew, he said he wouldn’t be here much longer and I just couldn’t accept it, trying to wait for an appointment to give us the information before letting him think that. How do I get past all of these feelings? There were quite a few missed opportunities and I’m so upset about this. I try really hard to block all of it out and most of the time I do. But when I let my mind go there o realise just how badly I cope with it.
@Loveforever89
Im so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. I think guilt is common with grief. My dad passed away in January and I too feel like I let him down by not realising how ill he was and the missed opportunities. I really struggled with guilt in the first few weeks and months following his passing. For me it helped somewhat when I strarted journaling and writing down all these feelings and just getting them out of my head.
Take care
Vicky x
Hi @Loveforever89 sorry for the shock of your Dad’s death. Feeling guilty is a natural part of grief as we feel that maybe doing something different would have changed the outcome. Sadly though, nothing can change the past. We can only choose how we navigate the present and manage our grief in the most positive way. It’s a very difficult journey though, so give yourself time to process everything. Take care xx