My dad sadly passed away in February. He had caught the virus, and due to his health conditions he wasn’t strong enough to fight it. He was 59 years of age, due to be 60 in April. It was traumatic, shocking and my worst nightmare come true. It all happened so fast. I still can’t believe it.
It has been a whole month today since he passed.
I have felt very emotion possible.
As my mom and dad were still married but separated, it has been down to me as the eldest child to deal with funeral arrangements, and all the other stuff that comes along with it.
Although I have had support, it’s been a struggle as with the current lock down I can’t see my brothers, everything is done over the phone and I’ve had a lot of bad days trying to cope.
The funeral is the end of March, and will be 7 weeks after he passed.
I feel like I’m in limbo.
I’m trying to cope with my own feelings, my brothers, my dads family and his partner and my moms
Feelings. I’m trying to keep the peace, make sure everyone is happy with what I’m doing, and not cause any arguments.
My mom and dad were separated but she is his legal next of kin. So money wise etc it will all go to her but she has assured me it will be passed onto us 3 kids.
She hasn’t got involved with anything and has respected my dads partner of 5 years the whole way through. She’s not even coming to the funeral.
Today however, my mom visited my dad in the chapel of rest. I told my dads partner after it had happened and she just wasn’t happy. I understand why, but doesn’t everyone no matter what their past is have the right to say goodbye to someone? She doesn’t want to go herself but says she might now go tomorrow.
I feel for my mom, as she or her feelings haven’t been acknowledged, in any of this, but then I feel for my dads partner too.
My dads partner is ok but she is self centred, everything has been about her memories and her loss, she and her family were very close with my dad, I feel like he was with them more than us these past few years.
She’s said a few things that have hurt me and made me question things. I don’t know if she does it on purpose.
I’ve been put in an awkward position I hate confrontation, I hate arguing. And I hate feeling and looking like a bad person. It eats away at me.
I’m trying to stay strong and function. But I’m an anxious person at the best of times. I feel upset, like I can’t take a full breath and just anxious about everything. I’m questioning myself and my choices. A lot of old feelings are coming to the surface. I miss my dad terribly and all I want is to be able to talk to him.
I can’t wait for everything to be over, but I need to somehow get through the next 3 weeks.
I’m hurting but I’m having to step up and get things sorted. It’s extremely hard 