I lost my dad to an unexpected heart attack only 4 weeks ago. His funeral was 11 days ago. He was only 54, and seemed completely fit and healthy.
Work have told me that if I want more time off, I must get a sick note, meaning I’ll be on statutory sick pay. I can’t afford my bills on this. I’m also absolutely not ready to go back to work. His passing has been traumatic for all of my family, but I have always been so close with my dad and a massive daddy’s girl, and I’m finding it incredibly difficult to process and grieve, each hour bringing a different challenge or emotion.
My job is demanding and there’s no way I could cope/I’m ready to return to ‘normal’.
What can I do? Any advice or experiences would be really appreciated please.
So sorry to hear about the sudden loss of your dad. My mum was also fit and healthy when she suddenly passed away last November without any signs or symptoms. In one evening our whole world changed.
I completely understand not wanting to return to work so soon especially in a demanding job. If you really don’t feel ready to return to work then being off sick will give you a bit more time to look after yourself and seek out additional support.
When you feel ready it may be worth speaking with your employer again see if there is anything else they can help with.
Could you possibly speak with your employer about phasing your return. Perhaps doing alternative days or reduced hours but maintaining enough to cover your bills? Do you have holidays you can take, maybe ask if these could be part of your return?
I was off work for a while but was fortunate to have a good employer. Through a combination of bereavement/sick leave (paid and unpaid), holiday usage and a phased return I now feel ready to go back as normal as it can be.
Make sure you share your worries with friends and family too, I’m sure some of them will be/have been in similar positions. One of my sister’s couldn’t wait to go back to work whilst the other is still off.
It’s tough this new world we now live in and my thoughts are with you. This sue Ryder website has been really useful for me so hopefully it will be for you too.
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. My Dad passed away suddenly on 18th January to a heart attack too, he was only 58. I was shocked to read how similar our situations are. My Dad was healthy and active with no signs that this was coming. We are completely heartbroken and devastated, it still does not feel real.
I have not yet returned to work and feel nervous to do so as my job is centred around supporting others. My employer has been very understanding at this difficult time but I know I need to go back eventually. My plan is to discuss a potential phased return when I am ready to return which may involve using annual leave to reduce my hours temporarily. I am also hoping to utilise flexible working to ease myself back into work.
Reading your post and also @Gracebil’s reply has brought me comfort knowing I am not the only one going through this horrific pain. If either of you would like to connect I would be more than happy to chat with you via message.