Lost my dad yesterday

I lost my dad yesterday. He doubts out in May that he had kidney cancer which has spread to his spine. A few weeks ago he was in a hospice sorting out his pain management with drugs when he then got sepsis. The hospice left him overnight and took over an hour to respond to his request for some pain medication and his pillow was dripping wet with sweat. They kept saying he was just constipated and refused to do anything. I know that it’s common that the drugs would have affected him and this could have happened anywhere but I’m struggling to not blame them 100% when I know it’s not. He then had surgery to remove some of his bowel and was recovering in intensive care. He got moved to a regular ward but he caught an infection and his stitches came undone. They took him back into surgery to fix them and although they did that he just was too weak to continue. Thankfully I saw him last Saturday and got to tell him I love him one more time and he said the same to me.

I just want to pick up my phone and call him and also to give him one more hug. I know he’s gone but it doesn’t feel real.

I know I’ll always have this heartache but what can I do to accept what has happened and start to move in the right direction?

Hi hun so sorry about yr dad I lost my mum mothers day this year I blamed her gp for letting her down because she was very poorly she died in hospital with me holding her hand mums gp also my gp had meeting with her yesterday cause I put complaint in but now I understand it was angry and wanted to blame someone she was so nice it doesn’t feel real idid a memory box for mum maybe u could do one for yr dad put anything in of his and when ever u feel sad just go to memory box and look at his things I got mums dressing gown I won’t wash it cause it has her smell on it thinking of u lovely xx

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