Lost my Dad

Xmas eve 2019 my dad was taken to intensive care, 3 month later he was home and doing well livkdown happened and seeing my mum and dad was hard video and calls was all I had

He was getting better and all seemed well and doctors were happy with his recovery and he was my old dad again.

in May I had a call to say he has had a very bad bleed in the brain and there was nothing they could do.

Because of the 2019 hospital my mum couldn’t cope with the phine calls so put me as next of kin. this didn’t change and when we were told nothing could be done j had to tell them to turn the life support machine off.

I found and still find this hard to deal with.
I feel like I have killed him, he survived intensive care in 2019 why couldn’t he survive this , I know the illnesses wee different.

I am struggling and cry everyday and blame myself.

is this normal


In june 2019 I also got a call saying that my mum had suffered a severe bleed on the brain. We were laughing and joking and buying things for our holiday that morning.

By the following day I also had to give permission to turn my mums life support off. Its an awful thing to do but I was assured that tests had been done which showed no brain activity.

What was our choice? It had to be done and saying no wouldnt have changed the outcome
Just over 2 years later I am left with the constant misery of life without her but I try not to dwell on the hospital events of her last day.

You helped your dad pass away peacefully