Lost my dad

I lost my dad unexpectedly and so sudden back in June 2021 and I just can’t process that he’s gone. He was only 65yrs of age and had so much more to give the world.
He was the most selfless, caring, loving man ever, did anything for anybody and always put others before himself.
He got admitted into hospital on the Sunday and I sat with him for a couple of hours. Monday, myself and mum went to visit him and he was a little better. We stayed with him for a few hours. Things seemed positive but I got the call that very same night to say he’s deteriorating and my heart sank. We rushed to the hospital but unfortunately didn’t make it on time and my heart broke into a zillion pieces. How could my dad be gone? I blamed myself for not getting there quicker and for other reasons. There’s lots in my head that I feel guilty for.
Never in a million years did I think I’d lose dad, not now, not for years and years. Especially when he seemed ok ish…he was still working as a carer and helping others out all the time. How can such a loving, selfless man, who I am proud to call my dad, be gone?
There’s loads I could say but I’m never one to open up, I keep things to myself (much like dad because he didn’t want to worry anybody and I don’t want to worry or burden anybody either). I’ve stepped up to be strong for mum and my sister (sisters been on her own ill health journey for 18mths or so) so I’m doing their shopping etc. I’m proud to be just like dad (he powered through when he lost his mum and didn’t let us see his vulnerable side).
I’m just so overwhelmed and feel trapped, lost, angry at the world for taking dad. I don’t speak about what I’m going through, I never have really but I just thought I’d reach out on here just so that it’s off my chest a little bit

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Hi @steffi88am21, I am so sorry to read about your dad.

I’m glad you were able to join our community here as I’m sure you will find others who have gone through something similar and possibly feel the same way.

We have some useful resources on our website, including this article which I thought you might find insightful.

I’m not sure if you are aware but Sue Ryder also offers a free bereavement counselling service. It can often be a lot easier to talk with a professional counsellor about your feelings. There is currently a waiting list, but if you would like to find out more, you can do so here.

I do hope you find our community helpful. Keep reaching out and please know that we’re here for you.

Take care,

Mick

Online Community team

Thankyou.
I’ve read the article and I’m at no particular stage of grief as I’m feeling them all at once. My head is a mess. I’d possibly do the counselling if it wasn’t via video link and was just normal phone conversation. I never want to burden anybody so I don’t know if therapy as such is for me

Hi @steffi88am21 I’m so sorry to hear about the passing of your lovely dad. I can feel the pain in your post, and I know exactly how you are feeling. I lost my poor mum, my best friend 2 months ago. She was only 61 and my heart is broken, as I know yours is too.

If you need to cry, you cry. All I do is cry, all I want is mum. Your doing great by looking after your family members, and it will have taken courage to come on here and post, as its so hard to admit they are gone.

I feel your heartache and pain, I really do.

Becky x

Hi @becsand87 thankyou for your message. Today has been a difficult day, I’ve felt like I’ve snapped at my mum and sister and as though I’m a horrible person and I’m letting them down, it’s killing me because I don’t want to feel this way. They say I’m not being horrible but I certainly feel it. When I got home all I’ve done is cry. My anxiety had been bad today and I’d not eaten so I think that’s why I felt more snappy and irritable. I just can’t believe our rock, our leader of the pack has gone.
I’m really sorry to hear you lost your mum. It’s such a young age and such a shock because we expect our parents to live until the “elderly” ages. I hope you’re doing okay? I’m here if ever you want to talk. Do you have other family/people supporting you?
I just feel like I can’t keep bottling things up anymore like I’ve always done so I guess that’s why I’ve reached out on here just to get things off my chest even if nobody had responded.
Steff xx

@steffi88am21 it’s no problem at all. I find I do exactly the same as you, I often snap at my husband, but it’s not intentional, and neither is you lashing out from time to time. Your hurt, your heart is hurting and nothing can make it better. Do you find you cry often, or do you just feel angry?

I’m really really struggling, as soon as I’ve dropped my little ones off at school I come home and cry all morning. I wake up everyday and it’s like a punch in the gut, that she’s not here anymore. My eldest was the apple of my mums eye, and I can see she is struggling too, and I am trying to.suppprt her through it. I am just the same as you, I can’t believe she has gone. She’s left me and I need her, and my whole body hurts from head to toe everyday because I miss her so much. I do have good family and friends, but nobody understands how I’m feeling. My sister is dealing with things alot more different than I am, and I worry about her too.

You can’t bottle things up, you will make yourself even worse in the long run- and that is talking with experience. We lost my brother when he was just 29, I was 16, and I blocked everything out and ignored it, and it come back to bite me.

I truly mean this, I’m always here if you need a chat, or anything at all. Please don’t be alone, that’s the reason we have joined this forum :heart:

Becky xxx

@becsand87 I’m crying a lot and how can I shed so many more tears when I’ve shed so many the previous day and the time before that etc. It’s all mentally exhausting and physically draining, grief knocks it out of us that’s for sure. I live alone so it’s easy for me to just not bother with anything. It’s such a lot to get going (I’ve been on sick from work since Feb due to stress and anxiety and I wasn’t really eating or doing much then as daily life was a struggle so that’s not gone away, and then dad passing 4mths later and it’s a whole other battle in itself). Dad told me 2 days before he got admitted into hospital that I’ve got my anxiety and depression to think about instead of worrying about him because I was always worrying about him and mum. It was unexpected and so sudden to hear that he was in hospital. It’s been a huge shock.

It’s good you’ve got family and friends around you but as much as they’re there for support, until a person’s been through the same thing, nobody really understands, and that’s the hard part because you know they mean well but it’s like we’re trapped in our own thoughts. I’m glad you’ve got your children and husband to keep you going and getting out of bed, it’s a great focus. I’m trying to keep busy as best I can each day. I’m sorry that your eldest is struggling. Maybe get her to keep a journal of her feelings? How old is she?
I’m so sorry to hear about your brother, that must’ve been a difficult time. Especially with you being so young aswell. Nobody should ever have to go through loss of a loved one. Unfortunately it’s a part of life and we’re never truly prepared for it. How long did you keep things bottled up? At 16yrs of age it must’ve been devastating because you were near the start of your adult life and it got all flipped upside down and no longer as you knew it.
Are you seeking help now with you saying that it’s not good to bottle things up?
I’m grateful that you chose to reply because these few messages have meant a lot thankyou. I hope we can continue to chat.

Steff
Xxx

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