I lost my Dad after a very brief cancer diagnosis- we lost him quickly after he didn’t respond well to his chemo. It’s been 4 weeks nearly and I’m still really struggling- I’m just exhausted, no get up and go (I used to), I cry and I can’t think of anything other than him and his death. He was incredible and my biggest cheerleader- he was fun and bubbly and bright.
I don’t know what to do- i feel like everyone around me thinks I should have got over it by now- which makes me not want to talk to them and be a burden, even to my husband, and I’m worried they’re all getting sick of me. I know my Dad would be telling me to get out there and enjoy life, but I feel guilty at the thought of having fun or laughing.
Anyone have similiar feelings?
So sorry for your loss. I’ve lost my dad too. It’s less than four weeks for me, but four weeks is just a little while, I don’t think it’s fair to expect that you should “be over” it by now. Everyone grieves differently and moves forward in their own time.
4 weeks is no time at all, I am really hoping that nobody’s actually said you should be over it by now, these things take as long as they take, there’s no timeline for your grief.
(I think sometimes the pressure i put on myself to move on is what makes me think others think I should be moving on)
I’m 11 weeks in after losing my mum, and have been through so many emotions, sleep and eating patterns it would make my head spin to try to remember them all!
I’d say you need to be gentle with yourself, it makes complete sense that you have lost your get up and go, to lose your biggest cheerleader is going to rock your whole foundation (it has mine)
Hi @Golfgirl, I agree with what @Sun said, 4 weeks is no time at all! You can’t just get over a loss of your parent like that. It may take years, or even the rest of your life - you may never get over it, but just have to learn to live with it. It’s been 2 and a half months since I lost my mum, who was my biggest support, cheerleader, she was so joyous and brought so much light into my life, and I’m not even vaguely close to being over the whole situation, I’m still in complete shock and devestated. I don’t think I’ll ever be over it. And I wouldn’t expect anyone else to think I would be either. I really hope that those close to you don’t actually expect you to be over it, that’s very insensitive to your grief. But I know what you mean - I have people at my work who don’t relate to my grief at all, and seem to think I should be fine at work now. When I’m still struggling so bad but they don’t get it, as they don’t have my experience, so it feels very isolating. It’s good to talk about how you feel though, even if it’s just on here, to get it out. I hope you’re getting support at home too though x
Thank you all for taking the time to reply- lovely words which I’m so grateful for x
I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad two weeks ago and we had a very close bond. He too had cancer and the chemo didn’t work. I’m heartbroken and struggling to function. I’ve been signed off work and will not be able to face going back for some time. I have spoken to friends who lost parents and they are all different; some took less time to grieve, while others were more like you and I - but they all emphasised the importance of allowing yourself to move through the stages of grief. It will always hurt but I’m told it’s possible to learn to live alongside it and it won’t consume you as much as it does at first. Hard to imagine at the moment!
Sorry for your loss @Golfgirl . I lost my Dad earlier this week - still in shock at the moment. I also lost my Mum 3 years ago. I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect anyone to be “over it” in 4 weeks.
I know that things do get easier - gradually you feel more able to do “normal” activities. The sadness will never go away, and I don’t think is really lessens. But it overwhelms you less frequently. You fit more life in around it. But it takes time, and it’s not a neat linear progression. Such a cliche but you really do just have to take it as it comes. I’m trying to remember that at the moment when it’s all so raw x
I’m so sorry for your loss too- it’s really horrible times. I’m a few more weeks along and am having brighter days now- still very sad, and still feel myself slumping into a bit of depression, but these points are lessening. Just ride the waves- that’s all I can really say. Be patient and kind to yourself, only you and your body will know how to help yourself. X
I’m so sorry for your loss too- if it helps at all, I’m now a few week along and the pain is starting to subside a little bit. I do still feel myself slipping into a funk, I’m still pretty tired and obviously still desperately sad- but I’m also having brighter days here and there. I’ve found walking on my own has helped a lot, as has leaning on friends- just be patient and kind to yourself. I hate saying it (as I wanted to scream at anyone when they said it to me as I didn’t believe it!) but…. I promise it gets easier. Xx