Lost my darling wife this month at a young age

Lost my beautiful wife age 30 this month leading to xmas. I am still in shock and grieving for her passing.
We have two beautiful boys age 2yrs and 6month.

She died at home in bed with the two boys beside her while i was away with work all day and sleep.
I cant get over the fact i wasn’t there for her in her last moment when she needed me the most.

Someone close to her died 2 days before she died. She was grieving a family member who she grew up with.

She begged me not to go to work a day before she died, but i had to as i took time off work twice to take care of the boys when she visited her relative at the hospital. I never realised it is possible to die while grieving.

I have lost my best friend and i don’t know how to go on. I have lots of family support around me but i cant stop blaming myself going to work that day when i should have phone in sick to help her grieve.

The only thing keeping me going are the two lovely boys. I am active with them during the day and only grieve in silence at night when everyone’s gone to bed. This is getting me worried as i hide my emotions from people during the day and grieve in silence at night.

I miss her so much and i don’t know how it is possible to move on from her death. Xmas and her birthday which is ending of this month has made it even worse for me. I don’t think December will remain the-same for me for the rest of my life.

I am completely lost and heartbroken.

She was the most beautiful, kind hearted woman ever and i miss her every single day.

Hi Luvb,

I’m so sorry to read about the loss of your wife so suddenly and at such a young age. This only happened this month. Of course you are still in shock and will be for a long time to come.
Was your wife ill or was this a sudden death completely out of the blue? In which case I assume you have a post mortem to contend with.
You talk about moving on from your wife’s death but this will never happen. At best you will learn to live without her but with 2 babies, you face a tough journey ahead.
I am on this site because of the sudden death of my mum 6 months. I’m still in shock and very emotional and my mum was 74. I cant imagine what you are going through. But no matter what the circumstances I have learnt on this forum that we all feel guilt in some way or the other. We arent mind readers and you didnt know what was going to happen. Eventually the guilt will subside but this will take a long time.
For now, just concentrate on looking after yourself and your boys and take each hour as it comes.
When you are stronger you will be able to take each day as it comes but again this will take time
Accept all the support you can from family and friends and of course come onto this forum to talk. It has been a great comfort to me. You will find others who have recently lost their wives, husbands and partners of similar age to your wife that will help you.
Cheryl x

hi LuvB
very sorry for the loss of your wife.
nothing anyone can say will ease the pain,hopefully you can try stay strong for your 2 young sons.you should not feel guilty as you needed work and you cannot of known what was going to happen.we all try to find ways to cope,some are stronger than others ,like you said you have 2 young boys and something to live for and we can say categorically your wife would want you to give them the best chances of a good life and they will need you big time,they are way to young to grasp what as happened.i hope your family will give you every bit of comfort and support they can muster to help you.its going to be a struggle mentally to come to terms with this tragic event in your life.please reach out and know that this place as many people who will listen and maybe point you in the right direction as regards getting help.
regards ian

Hi luvb. I am so sorry for your loss. I can identify with some of what you are going through. I lost my beautiful daughter one year ago aged 33years very suddenly. We are heartbroken :broken_heart: about her. Her young husband is left with 3 children one of whom was born in 2 days old. Life is unbearable and I wish I could tell you it gets better. However some days are a bit easier than others. I am sending you love and pray that you will come to terms with your awful loss. Meanwhile just keep breathing in and out x

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Hello LuvB,
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your wife. It sounds as though things are very tough at the moment and you are feeling overwhelmed.
I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the
community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and
will understand some of what you are going through.
Another good place to get support is The Samaritans - they are always there 24/7 if you need
to talk (116 123, or jo@samaritans.org)
Take care,
Susannah
Online Community team

Hi Cheryl,
Thank you for the kind words. Am glad xmas is out of the way. I miss her so much. Never experienced this kind of heartbreak in all my life.

I stayed strong and positive making sure the boys have a good xmas. Her birthday is tomorrow and I really don’t know how i am in this situation. We were both young and happy. I feel robbed she got taken away from me.

She died in her sleep. Autopsy couldn’t find anything, so there is a corona inquest going on. I feel lost most of the time as there is no closure regarding how she died.

Thanks Ian for the kind words.

Thank you for the kind words. Its been very sad for all of us, but am staying strong for the boys. I will make her proud.

Thank you. Will reach out to them. Cheers.

Luvb,
That makes things even worse. I hope you find out what caused your wife’s death. It wont bring her back but at least there will be some answers. My mums post mortem showed that she suffered a sontaneous brain bleed. I will never know why it happened but at least I know what she died of.
I think you have done very well to give the boys a good xmas. I broke down alot over xmas and worry that I didnt give my daughter the best time.
Keep taking things hour by hour and I hope you get the answers you need.
Cheryl x

Hi LuvB
I’m so sorry for your loss. I completely understand what you are going through as my partner of 14years passed away in February this year suddleny he was 34 an it was our younger sons bday. We have 4 children together an find it hard doing things with them an just general day to day chores as all I want to do is stay in bed an not have to speak to anyone.
I to also grieve alone, I can be fine around family and friends as I don’t like to show any emotion in front of them or even talk to them about it but it’s at night when everyone is asleep an your left alone with your thoughts, guilt and feleing of loneliness.
I hope your children are OK they are very young to understand my children are 13, 10, 9 & 3 and have all delt with it very differently.
I would like to tell you it gets easier but for me it hasn’t I don’t think I have quite accepted he has gone yet an it’s been 10months. I have been told it dosent get easier you just learn to live with the pain.

I hope you find a little comfort in knowing that there are other ppl in similar situations an understand the pain.

Dear Luvb,
Please do not feel guilty you had to go to work to provide for your family. Your wife’s death must have come as a dreadful shock, I do feel for you, there is an old saying, “only the good die young”. In some cases it is so true, I honestly do not know what to say to you, other than stick with this wonderful group of people, who will give you solace and comfort.
Take care of yourself and your 2 little ones,
Love
MaryL

Thanks guys for all the kind words and positive remarks. Means a lot to me looking to the future. It has not been easy for the past few weeks, but am taking it one day at a time. Like i said earlier, i have a fantastic web of family members around me, helping every step of the way. The kids are fine and i live for them at the moment. Ive had bad days and good days, but i have come to understand things wont be the same without my darling wife. The kids are my joy and they keep me going. I have completely immersed myself into taking care of them everyday, stressful but helps a lot with grieving.
I have attended bereavement groups and what helps so far is talking to other people who have been in your situation.
I know moving forward will be rough and bumpy, but i will keep being positive and hang in there for my two boys.

I know we all grieve differently but i would suggest anyone lonely to watch “AFTER LIFE” by Ricky Gervais. It did help in a certain way stimulating a part in me i thought id lost after losing my wife. Good luck to everyone and thanks again.

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I once heard on the radio, love never dies it becomes a light which shines from the eyes. The same programme had another saying, grief is like a black dog snapping at your ankles when you least expect it.
Love
MaryL

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