Hi. I lost my Nan in September 2020. I was very close with her so her passing as really knocked it out of me. She died in hospital so I was not allowed to visit with the current situation. I never got that final goodbye. That’s really hit me hard and I’m struggling to cope with that. I feel like I was cheated to not see her and say what I wanted to say to her. That thought is constantly in my mind. I don’t want to burden my family with this as I’m sure they are upset as well and I don’t want to add to that. I’m not sure what I will get out is this. Iv never done this before but maybe some wise words from strangers will help. TYIA
Hi Katy, I am so sorry that your mum has gone, it’s bad enough under normal conditions but at present it’s even harder. Those last few moments are precious, I am not wise or all knowing or anything but I do feel that when someone dies, their soul, sprit or what ever you call it stays around and all those things you wanted to say, they can hear. Yes, it’s fanciful but it’s what I believe and if you have said all those things, they know. There are many on this site that have or are going through the lose of their mothers under the same traumatic conditions that you have had to deal with, please read other posts and I know others will answer your post. Don’t feel alone in these very strange and bewildering times because this site is always here for you. By the sound of your post, there will be other members of your family feeling the same so it may be worth just opening up to one person to see if they feel like you and then you can talk. Take care. S
Hi Katy, I guess hearing the voice of a stranger is all you’re looking for, so, hi.
I’m awake thinking of my granddad… He died of cancer back in 2005.
As I was his first grand child, we had a special understanding. I think he may have been a bit of an a***hole in general, and trained me in secret to be the same.
How my family remember him is different to me. They’ve introduced new routines since his passing. We all hug when we get together and hug when we leave. (Apparently it’s what granddad was like, and would appreciate… not from how I remember him)
I think about all the things he did with a smile… the family seem 50/50 on happy and sad in his passing…
So reaching out to strangers seems like the most logical step for me 
1 of my hates is that everyone in the family feels they need to adjust the hierarchy, my grandmothers kids feel like they know what’s best for her, when she has plenty more years experience in life than they do… that’s frustrating…
Also, my grandad passed in 2005… 15 years ago and I’m still up in the middle of the night hoping for a sign.
I feel I was only a child when he passed (inexperienced in most life events to come), so building a career, meeting people, travelling the world, learning cultures, having children, watching them grow… they’re all things that make me miss grandad more…
I could think of nothing better than to go for a pint with him, tell him of my experiences, and see him smile back at me, knowing he got to witness me becoming an old man… I miss him, more, with each life experience.
You’re not alone
Hi, I can relate to the pain of loosing a grandparent during this difficult time with the restrictions. My Nan got sick in November ending up in hospital and moving on to a home due to not being deemed safe to return home and live alone. (My Grandad has passed away already ). sadly she caught covid last Tuesday, and Fri 5th she passed away. We got to visit on Monday 1st as they knew she was in her final days. While im grateful I saw her and said a few things she was unable to reply/talk and was barely conscious. I feel an awful guilt as I have barely seen her since March 2020 due to lockdowns and wanting to protect her 
. What id give to talk to her. I feel this will be a rough journey