Hi all, I am really struggling at the moment I have recently lost my ex partner due to him taking his own life and I cannot stop feeling guilty as if it’s my fault because I had walked away from the relationship due to constant abuse etc even though myself and my family went above and beyond to help him… I can’t help thinking that maybe if I had just made up with him he may still be here. I am getting threats from his family and friends who are needing someone to blame however I am literally at breaking point! I had to see his body being taken away by the coroner and I’ve been having nightmares and panic attacks I just wish i could have talked to him then maybe he would not have felt it was the only option to end his life. I’m sorry for ranting I just cannot talk to anyone about this and I am really devastated
I am deeply sorry for your loss. I know it is easy for me to say, but please don’t blame yourself, or allow others to ease their pain by piling it on you. It is not your fault.
We all try to find someone to blame, often ourselves.
But people are responsible for their own actions and their own happiness, or lack of. No individual can ever be responsible for someone else’s.
You did your best at the time, and that is all that matters.
Please keep posting here. I know there are other people that have similar experiences. But everyone here understands your pain and will offer love and support.
Sending the biggest cyber hug and strength.
Xx
Thank you so much. I find it so hard to talk about with family & friends so finding this community is amazing as I feel like I will be able chat more & hopefully can offer some support to others too. I just wish I had unblocked him & at least said I forgave him for hurting me so badly… he was crying to my neighbour saying how much he loved and missed me and I just would not talk to him. What’s killing me is knowing he died all alone thinking that everyone hated him and then his body lay there for so long & his so called family are all posting and acting like they did so much for him when they couldn’t have cared less!!! I feel totally responsible for him doing this I can’t help it I can’t get it out of my mind I feel like I’m going insane
Please stop blaming yourself. It’s not your fault. We are all responsible for our own happiness, we can’t force other people to be happy if they are determined to be otherwise.
You did what you could at the time, you did your best.
You had to walk away from an abusive situation, I would have done the same.
Xx
I know that you are completely right & I appreciate you giving your perspective it’s just the knowing he was lying dead for so long before anyone bothered to notice… my mum & dad said they feel it was inevitable no matter what as he had a long history of self harm & suicidal ideologies & as my mum said to me, it may have only prolonged the inevitable had I made up with him & that if may have been me waking up with him lying dead beside me. I had to endure an attempt he made previously & he Always told me it was fault he had done it that time 
I feel so angry at him for leaving us in grief but that makes me feel even more guilty in return xx