Lost my father-in-law

Losing a parent
1

Four years ago we lost my wonderful, kind and supportive father-in-law to cancer, and my partner has naturally been devastated by the loss. I’m hoping someone here might be able to give me some advice on how I can support him in the best way possible.

He’s really struggling because his dad wasn’t just his dad – they were also business partners and worked together every day. Their relationship was incredibly close.

Although my partner loves his mum and sister, they’re not especially close. He often feels they don’t really understand him (not just in grief, but in life generally). They’re lovely people, but his mum and sister are very similar to each other, whereas my partner and his dad were very alike.

Last night he opened up to me and said he’s feeling really lonely. He has friends and, of course, me, but understandably no one can replace his dad. He said he sometimes feels like he doesn’t really have family, as he feels quite distant from his mum and sister.

Hearing that absolutely broke my heart. I’ll always be there for him, but I worry that I might not be supporting him in the best way possible.

If you’ve lost a parent you were extremely close to, what helped you the most from your partner or the people around you?

I’d be so grateful for any advice. And if you’re reading this because you’re feeling something similar, I’m so sorry for your loss and I’m sending you a huge hug.

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Hello @RaaRaa1,

Thank you for starting this thread and for bravely reaching out. I’m so sorry to read about the loss of your father-in-law and for the way your partner is feeling.

When it comes to something as tough as grief, it can be hard to know what to say or do that might help someone you love. Our Grief Kind campaign has lots of resources that might help. You can:

  • Watch our Grief Kind classes. Our Grief Kind classes are five short video tutorials in which Sue Ryder bereavement experts talk you through what grief is like and how you can support others who are grieving
  • Listen to our Grief Kind podcasts. Our Grief Kind podcasts are hosted by author, journalist and Sue Ryder ambassador, Clover Stroud. She speaks with celebrities about their personal experiences of bereavement and the support which helped them most when coping with their grief.
  • Read our guide on supporting someone else who has been bereaved.

Take good care of yourself, and know that the community is here for you too.

Naoise

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