I lost my father on Friday and feel that I could of done so much more to prevent it. I think the CPR was wrong and I did not convince him to change his diet, Now he has gone I feel I could of done far more. The rest of my family seem to be moving on far quicker then me. I just feel it is wrong to laugh and joke after a few days.
2 Likes
Hi Olines, one thing with grief is the feeling of guilt and honestly it’s very seldom anyone could do more than they did and I am sure you did everything you could at the time.
As far as convincing someone to change their diet, it’s a non starter unless that person really wishes to change and as we get older it really is difficult unless we have lots of help and a excellent reason.
The other thing that is upsetting you would also upset me but life goes on and people move on with it. I personally feel we should wear black or at least a black arm band so others would respect the fact that we are grieving but in today’s world it’s a non-starter and we put on a brave face and pretend we are ‘ok’.
I hope this supplies you with some answers and knowing we are all here for you and I am sending you love and blessings and hope you feel a little better as the days pass. S xxx
I just feel lost the house seems empty. I lived with him due to a disability and am finding it hard We dhad the same hobbies. Both liked running and now I feel what is the point. I did not realise how much I relied on him My siblings seem to be coping far better as they are married but I am alone with no network. My brother has gone back to London after a few days he is upset but he has his own life. He will be moving to the USA soon. I live in Eastbourne and barely see them as it is.
I understand how you are feeling, the empty house, no one there when you walk through the door, it’s horrible. Please don’t stop running, I use to run and was training for a marathon, damaged two different muscles which put a stop to that idea but gave me many lovely hours with my soulmate before we knew he was poorly and now I find it to difficult to think about running. I just wish
I also got a cat who is there when I come home and that has helped enormously.
You will find a way around the things that are uncomfortable at present, it’s early days but keep running and if you haven’t joined ‘park run’ or another running group, you need that connection with other human beings.
Life will improve but I am afraid we have to work at it and not let it beat us, like a marathon, we are in for the long run. Go slowly but you will get there. S xx
I tried talking to my mum and she seems to have got over it far better. Saying he would not want to suffer and that knew nothing about but I still feel it far more. I have realised dad hass gone but still seem far more upset.
I also feel guilty. I found out that the CPR hand placement was wrong. Could it of saved him? Did I let my dad die.
No, definitely no. Please stop looking for reason to beat yourself up. If it was his time to go then nothing you or the paramedics or hospital consultant did or could do would make any difference. Honestly, please believe me, I have seen so many deaths that I know when someone has to go, they go and nothing will change that.
This is all part of your grieving and your mum is right. She understands that he had to go but she will still be grieving but in her own way because we are all different. That’s why you are looking for things to say it’s all your fault and really can’t be.
Take deep breath’s and try to relax, go for a run and stop thinking. You will be fine, just relax. S xxx
I have an appointment with a doctor tomorrow about it. Also a phone a call with a counsellor tonight. I am ok with people as I suppress my feelings but on a phone in private I do not. Also I want to know what killed him. He would not of wanted a post mortam but it has been offered. Will that help?
Very pleased that you are organised and it sounds right.
Personally I think it should be up to your mother to decide about a P.M. it’s not nice to the body but remember it is only a body, the soul or whatever you call the lifeline has gone.
Think carefully how you would feel if it was you and if it’s really necessary.
Like I say go slowly and don’t beat yourself up. S xxx
I am 42 but because I was epileptic still lived my parents. My siblings and mother do not want one but they know I am feeling guity about the cause. Also my doctor offer me suppressants I said no but is that a mistake.
You must go with what you think your body wants and you felt no was right so go with that. My own feelings are you need to relax and try not to worry. If you have no problem with your epilepsy then you will be fine. Over the next few days things will improve but you need to just go with things and not worry. Honestly you will be fine. S xx