Two and a half years ago my world collapsed when my long term partner/fiancé passed away suddenly due to struggling with long term depression.
Coming to terms with his decision, to leave this world and his pain behind, has been immensely difficult. For months I was in complete shock and was signed off work. To compound the situation, I was no longer able to stay in the home that we shared as it was too traumatic to be there. Not only had I lost the love of my life, I had lost my home and then had to rehome our beloved cat. To make matters worse, our cat died suddenly 6 months later. The grief I felt at the time was unbareable but finding support through a local charity helped me get through those early months. I found people who understood complicated grief and they proved my lifeline. When Covid hit, it compounded everything again as I found my self living alone for the first time in 17 years and constantly blamed myself and kept asking the questions why?? I had more time to think about what had happened and seemed to fall into a situational depression. Being able to return to work and reconnecting with my support network has helped and days are a little brighter. Christmas has been tough to get through as my partner’s birthday was Christmas day. The day has now passed and I look to the new year, with different ways to keep his memory alive and to continue to do the things that we both loved doing.
Thank you for reading my long post.