Hi, I have plucked up the courage to come on here and feel that I need support and perhaps writing it down will also help. My beautiful friend, colleague and mentor died last month from an aggressive cancer. It was only discovered when it was at the terminal stage. She was discharged home from hospital to die at home which she did. I had the chance to see her prior to her death and was able to laugh and joke with her as was her way. I am so grateful that I had those hours with her before she went. She was an amazing lady and was my mentor and role model at work. She was a kind, caring and compassionate person and looked after her patients wonderfully. She was there for me through difficult times and always encouraged me to the point it is thanks for her that I had the confidence to come a nursing sister and move into a new team (we were still in contact after I left). She was also a wonderful friend, she messaged me out of work to check on me through rough times and we were close as a team and enjoyed evenings out together. I have a lot of photo’s that I have been going through and some hilarious and great memories attached to them. She was highly thought of at work and loved by her family. I am finding her death hard to process and it took me 2 weeks to cry and realise she had gone, I think it was a delayed reaction, I was on annual leave when she died and it wasn’t until I put my uniform on and was driving to work it suddenly hit me like a freight train…I wasn’t going to see her again or hear her laugh and swear! Now I cry every time I think of her. It is compounded because about 2 years ago another member of our team died from a brain tumour. He was only in his early 30’s and had a wife and very young son. He was another caring and lovely person whom the patients loved. He had a wicked sense of humour and I loved working with him and going out with the team. I am so angry that my friends are gone. I am a church goer with a good faith but this has really tested me, I am angry with God for taking two people I love from us in such as short time. It’s not that I really wish this terrible disease on anyone else but why them? Why pick the most amazing people? It is my friends funeral on Thursday, a chance to say goodbye, the closer it gets the more of a mess I am. I pray to God but am struggling to hear him at the moment. I do talk to friends and family, particularly those who knew her (sharing memories and we do have a giggle about things we all got up to). I am just hurting so much. Part of me doesn’t feel I have the right to because her family must hurt more. There are reminders of her at work all the time as although we were no longer in the same team her name still pops up on documentation of patients we shared and on the computer system. I feel so lost.
Hello @Cat1980,
I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your friends that brings you here.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
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Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
I understand this completely, i too have delayed my grieving for my best friend and soul mate, cancer, sudden, may 2023, happened 2 weeks after i left abusive husband and also abusive sibling and father who didnt seem to care about my wellbeing. overload. i was with him in his last 2 weeks as soon as we knew. Part of me died with him, massive hole. Normal to defer grief, brain protecting us, buts its just awful when it does then hit, take care, we will get there x
I am very sorry. cancer is on the rise and is taking many people. I have observed this. younger and younger are being taken by cancer. 
My husband died from pancreatic cancer ,and lung cancer ,he wanted to die at home with his family ,he had his last wish.sorry for your loss
Thank you, I am sorry for your loss too. It’s good when you are able to fulfil their last wish even though it can be hard.
Cancer is hard for anyone whatever age but I think that it can be harder to get your head around sometimes when they are young and still have their life ahead. You just don’t expect to lose them yet.