Lost my grandad, struggling


I’ve never posted on here but reading some people’s comments has been really helpful.

I’m Matt, 26 and mostly known as being very positive. In June of this year my grandad (previously perfect health) had a heart attack. My parents were ok holiday so I needed up at the hospital that nights. His wife, my grandma has late dementia so we have to look after her too. Unfortunately grandad’s health didn’t come back and over the course of the next four months he suffered multiple infections, sepsis, strokes and passed away in October. I was there the whole way and would often visit the hospital 4-5 times a week. He made it home with careers for a month and I would look after him, with my mum, inbetween their visits. I was heavily involved in his care in his final few months.

During this time, my grandma unfortunately had to go into a care home as she was not safe at home and we couldn’t look after her ( we tried our best but it broke us). She also suffered some half issues during this time including sepsis so it has been a wild ride of losing a grandparent physically and loosing another one mentally.

It’s only starting to hit me and over the last few weeks I’m replaying everything in my head. I was there when my grandad passed which I’m very thankful for but he unfortunately didn’t have a peaceful time in his final few days and it was painful to see. I wake up in the night panicking over dreams of him taking his last breath.

It’s really affecting me and I’ve been diagnosed with depression and it’s heightened anxiety, something I suffered with before he took ill. I’m currently on propranolol for the anxiety and worried I’ll eventually need to go on antidepressants (I’m very health/side affect conscious so I’m looking to avoid this).

I’ve lost all confidence, given up running, ruining the relationships I have and I find it really hard to open up so those closest to me think I’m fine/dealing with it great. My grandma with dementia has forgotten his death so we always get asked “what is he doing?” And it’s harder every time to lie.

I just don’t know where to turn or what to do. I’m not sleeping and it’s just getting worse and worse and I’m worried it will end me aswell. This is the first time I’ve lost someone close to me so it’s my first time going through grief.

Sorry for such a long message, I hope you’re okay too x

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hello matt, i’m so sorry for the loss of your grandad and grandmas’ illness. grieving is a natural process we go through when faced with a loss of this magnitude. some of us get stuck in this process of grieving and stay stuck for a long time. it’s not right nor wrong; it’s just how our mind handles stress and shock. but in the end, getting unstuck is all on you; we can’t share grief. once we muster the courage to accept the loss and let go, we will become a new version of ourselves and be better prepared to weather the other life losses that are sure to come. this isn’t pessimism. it’s optimism in that the rewards of love and relationships always out shine the risks. i hope you find some peace of mind sharing on this site. take care matt.

Hi Matt,

:clap: for reaching out! :clap:

My dad passed away last year, and we lost my father-in-law to dementia a few years ago so I have some idea of what you’re going through!

Grief the 1st time, in fact, any time is not easy! I lost a best friend at 16!

Can you speak to your mum (or Dad) about how you’re feeling or does that upset her too much? Can you support each other?

Take Strength and Solace in what you did for your Grandparents, from the sound of things, you couldn’t have been a better grandson!

When did you last speak with your GP? And have you told them how you are feeling? Most surgeries nowadays have links to Social Practitioners or Wellbeing teams and if I were you (medication is my last resort too!) I would ask to be referred.

There is also the counselling services Sue Ryder and Cruse offer. Remember it’s ok to talk!

Also two services I can recommend that are available 24/7 are the Samaritans and Shout (txt to 852 58)

Try to get out for a walk today if not a run, honestly the hardest thing is getting out of the front door!

Here to chat and take care!