Lost my grandma and my mum.

Hi everybody.
I lost my grandma back in 2017 after a horrible battle with COPD which really set me back, we was very close and she was my best friend. I dont think I really grieved her death until I fell pregnant with my daughter in 2019. Only then when I had her did loosing her really hit me but I was very close with my mum who we helped eachother through. My mum was also my best friend. She got diagnosed with cancer in 2017 just after I lost my nan and unfortunately she died October 2020. She was only 47 so she was incredibly young. And I’m really struggling with it. I keep alot of it to myself as all my family are struggling but being a single parent I feel I need to find some happiness and peace in my life to move forward as a mum and give me daughter the best version of myself. I also recently just lost my other nan in January 2021. So I have lost all 3 mother figures in my life and I truly feel so lost and anxiety is high always thinking something bad is going to keep happening. So I felt maybe I need to talk to others that have unfortunately experienced this also so I can find some comfort somewhere
Thank you.

I’m so sorry to read about the losses you have suffered - that is a lot of grief to bear and I guess it’s going to take a while to come to terms with it. I cannot say that I have had the same bereavements that you have, but I can sympathise with feeling lost and having to keep things to yourself because people around you are also struggling. It is such a tough and painful time, and I have found that all I can do personally is to take things as slowly as I can when that’s possible. Sending hugs to you - this is an amazing space for finding people who understand what you are going through xx

Thank you so much for your reply. Yes it is alot of people people loose in a short amount of time. My feelings are all over the place and just feeling very drained from it all. I’m 29 and I just feel really lost not having a mother figure anywhere. Yes I was hoping to connect with people here and hopefully get some support and comfort.

Grieving is such hard work, especially if you are looking after other people. I know what you mean about your feelings being all over the place - it’s like being on a rollercoaster sometimes and not knowing which way is up. It is hard to believe it will ever feel better, especially on the really bad days. I think it can help to keep writing it down when you can, and to message on here and hopefully find some comfort in knowing there are other people to share it with xx

Hi Charlyb, I’m so sorry for all of your losses. I can only imagine how difficult it has been losing them so close together. I lost my Mum a year ago today to cancer and I still can’t believe she has gone. We were also close and she was my best friend, we talked about everything and she was always my go to person. It is devastating. Your Mum was very young, sadly taken too soon :disappointed_relieved: My Mum had just turned 63 and I am 34. I feel robbed of many years we should have had together. I am the same as you and keep a lot of the grief to myself, which is exhausting at times and very lonely. I have a 3 year old son and he definitely gets me through, but I also feel I need to do something to be the best Mum I can to him. I have found this website and other groups like this have helped me. I really hope you find the same. It is so hard not having a mother figure in your life, I do have a mother in law, but we don’t really have that kind of relationship. Since losing my Mum, my anxiety has gone through the roof. I worry so much about losing someone else and worry about my son losing me in the future. It is so hard. I am happy to talk if you find it helps you xx

Thank you so much for your reply. I feel like everything you have said is how I’m feeling… I to feel extremely robbed off time with my nan and my mum. My Nan was only 67 when she passed and they should of both had alot more years and been around to see much more. My daughter and my mum had an amazing bond and I struggle with the fact my daughter won’t have her in her life and I get so upset and angry about that fact. She was only 1 when she passed so she won’t really remember her either, only by videos and pics that I’m so grateful I took. I to get anxiety about something happening to me and leaving my daughter behind, it really scares me. I always have thoughts that they both were taken so young so I probably will be to. Its horrible., life is so short and I want to live it to its fullest and I want to get to that point I feel I am. Im hoping I do find comfort in these support groups, I have amazing friends around me that are my rocks but none who are in my situation (fortunately). Thank you for your support. It does mean alot. X

I’m so sorry for your losses. I think it’s so difficult to have bereavements happenn close together, you don’t have time to grieve for the first person before the start next person dies. To me it feels especially shocking, especially if you were very close.
My mum died of covid, which she caught in hospital, on 10th January 2021 and then my grandad died in hospital on 17th January 2021, of pneumonia.
I feel like I have not even begun to grieve for my grandad as the loss of my mother has been so great. Also, I officiated at my mum’s funeral funeral but was not even able to attend my grandad’s
Thanks for bringing up this matter of multiple bereavements - anyone got any tips?

@Charlyb I agree, they both should have had many years ahead of them :cry: I’m the same as you with my son, I feel so sad that my Mum won’t see him grow up! It took us a long time to have a child and my Mum always wanted to be a Nan, and now she won’t see him grow up. Shs was very upset about it too. He was only 2.5 when she passed so didn’t really understand and just accepted everything. He doesn’t really remember her sadly but I’m trying to keep her memory alive. I have the same thoughts as you, my Mum turned 63 2 days before she died and her Mum I never met as she died in her early 30s when my Mum was just 11. Life is very cruel sometimes. I struggle a lot as most people our age have their parents, so I find it hard seeing people my age with their Mums. I have found a lot of anger and jealousy has come with grief, which is difficult at times.

I want to do the same but find many things hold me back. Covid doesn’t help anything at all either. I feel I should enjoy life and live it to the full for my Mum in a way.

I’m glad you have some amazing friends around you. Unfortunately I don’t have that as I find others don’t really understand, I have one friend I met through a group as she has lost her Mum and she actually lives locally to me, but other than that everyone else has their Mum still, so can’t really understand. There is also a great group on Facebook called UK Motherless Daughters if you’re on there, I have found everyone on there very supportive.

I’m glad I could help even a little bit, hopefully we can all find some strength together x

Hi @Charlyb I am so sorry for all of your losses, it seems to have been such a tough few years for you. I lost my granny on new years day there and I am struggling with it. She had terminal cancer and I helped to care for her until the end. Like you I was very close to my granny and growing up she half raised me so losing her has hit me hard. Life does not feel the same anymore.
I don’t know what to say to you to help with your pain, as I can’t seem to help myself much either. Just know that you are not alone and I am here if you want to chat.

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