I am not sure how I can manage this. I am lost without my husband. I have my children but it’s not the same. He was my person. I can’t stop crying and the pain is unbearable. We had an 11 year age gap and I am in my mid fifties. What will I do without him. So many plans for when I retire. He retired 18 months ago and it’s just not fair , why him , why us. I wanted a face to face grief group but there is nothing . It’s been 5 weeks now but nothing is changing.
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I am so sorry for your loss. It’s always the hardest around the Holidays. Getting darker earlier does not help. I lost my husband unexpectedly a little over 2 years ago. Same as you age gap and I was in my mid 50’s. I think I spent the first month in bed. There was no need to get up. I can tell you grief never goes away, but you learn how to live with it. Continue reaching out on this site. It helped me when I was able to express my feelings. I know friends try, but unless you lived this nightmare, they have no idea what we go through.
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Yes it is so hard. Friends and family are visiting but I just want to spend the do nothing time with my husband. I keep calling out his name and imagine he is just in the next room. I can’t accept that I’m never going to see him again. I’m scared that the future is just empty.
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So sorry you’re going through this. 5 weeks is still so very early, don’t expect too much of yourself. Everything is still so raw & it will take time, in my case lots of time. Time doesn’t heal but I would say you learn to carry your grief with you & move forward. Be kind to yourself & it’s your journey, everyone is different. I went to the doctors to get signed off when I first lost my husband & I couldn’t understand why I was feeling like I did, he said “your life as it was ended as well, even children as much as they miss their Dad still have their own lives” that really resonated with me & made me understand why this pain was so intense. You lose your life as it was & any future plans you had made. That’s a really big deal & unless they’ve been through it no one can understand. I lost my Mum a year ago & the grief isn’t anything like that of losing my husband. Or perhaps I have just become a bit numbed by the grief I felt before. Take care 
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Jodel712 I am trying my best but the pain is so much deeper than I can describe. I am also signed off work until mid January but I can’t even see anything changing. It’s true the plans and future I had has gone. I want my husband and future back. Can’t even imagine this feeling changing. You are right my 2 children are getting out with friends and taking time out of the home. I keep thinking they have me - I don’t have my person , the one who put up with my crazy ways , who could read my mind, who sorted everything out , who was there when they were out. I miss him every second of the day.
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I am so sorry but know that you are not alone and we all know what you are going through. As someone has said, be kind to yourself. Take each day at a time. Go with your grief and tears, they are healing although that won’t seem like it now. Family are a great support but we can’t really be that honest with them. We can’t tell them how often we cry bitter tears or how alone we feel. Not lonely but alone. The late queen’s comment that grief is the cost of love is so true. I was told that things will improve, I didn’t believe that but it is true.
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I believe that your comment that we feel alone but not necessarily lonely sums up the feelings of grief. After seven months I am beginning to see that very few people understand this including family members. Time may make it easier to live with grief but I fear that we still feel alone.
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Tony 8
I agree with you.
My husband passed away in September 2024. It was always just the two of us. The house is empty without him.
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I just want him back but that isn’t going to happen. Have any of you had any grief counselling? I found a lady in the USA because absolutely nothing available! If I was an alcoholic I’d have loads of face to face help. I’m scared I’m going to not be able to cope but £100 a session is too much. I’m in north London so would have thought that there would be something.
Hi Samwise
Although there is a waiting list , Marie Curie or Cruz may be able to help and is free of charge. I’m expecting my 4th session with Marie Curie tomorrow. It helps to talk and I can relate to everything you’re all saying. The physical and emotional pain is relentless but I pray it will get easier .