Hi
I lost my husband 8 days ago. I am like a zombie and after crying myself sick for 4 days just feel numb now. I am unable to organise his cremation due to the autopsy, I have sorted out the affairs I can without a death cert and I wander around trying to find things to do. This man was my soul mate, we had a wonderful 36 years together and were looking forward to him retiring in 2 years. I feel robbed of my life as well we had so many things planned. I have no friends to lean on we were enough for each other and my two adult sons are autistic and devastated so I am supporting them too. . I am disgusted I cannot cry anymore, I feel hollow with a pain in my chest. I have never felt so out of tune with life and people. I have never wished for death for myself but I just see years of loneliness and sadness ahead. How do you go on?
Debzz
Its all so raw for you at the moment your minds in turmoil. You will move forward but its going to be a long one. I see you’ve been a busy woman sorting affairs out shows you have a strong will power.
Don’t rush into making to many decisions now let the.grief fog clear a bit and your able to think clearly.
I lost my wife in September and my sister four days before her.
Whenever you have thoughts your not sure about come back on here there’s plenty of ways we can help you.
Take care love to you all. 
Thank you silverfox
I have a nagging drive to keep busy so I don’t think. I am sorry you lost your wife and sister that must have been devastating. I will come on here as much as I can x
Thank you JonnyBadger
I am going to lean on people on here if I can, no one else can understand what I am going through. Everyday at the moment is so painful
Debbie
You will never go on the same. It will be different from now on. My heart hurts for you xx
Debzz, your words, we were enough for each other’ strikes such a chord. I have never been lonely and now am only lonely for my beloved husband I lost thirteen weeks ago. I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, the years of loneliness and sadness ahead’ so so difficult to conceptualise. I want there to be no place for your digust’ about your lack of tears. An emotional dam, to hold back the water of tears and hold you in a reservoir of kindness to yourself and survival mode. Take care and keep here
Thank you for your kind words
Thank you. Its nice to speak to people who really understand x
I feel for you so very much
Debzz
I feel your pain. My wife died after a short illness just over 3 weeks ago. She was my world and all I ever needed. I don’t have a great circle of friends although my sons have been great. I feel lost and lonely and have kept myself busy by sorting out some of the practicalities that I’m able to do because I do have the death certificate.
All I can say is give yourself time and go at your own pace. When you are ready try to find some local bereavement groups either those that do group discussions or those in a similar situation to you who meet up for coffees. I’ve joined a group locally but I’ve not been to any meetings yet. I think you’ll find lots of people (mainly women) in these groups to talk to. Everybody is different and the grieving process will take as long as it takes. There’s no firm timeline so don’t put any pressure on yourself and just live day to day and don’t look too far ahead.
Numb1 Thank you for your kind words of support… My sons are a comfort but its things like knowing I will never be loved like that again. I am no longer a wife in the eyes of the world and I loved being his wife. I was so proud of him and so loved by him. I will try to find group but I live in a small village and doubt their is anything around. I know I will move forward but I don’t want to,
Debzz, I will never be loved like that again". I find so moving and true. No longer a wife but a widow, I loved being his wife of weeks following his diagnosis and our marriage, should have tied the knot years ago but never felt the need. I count the years forever on my heart. I hope you find a group but always here. I don’t want to move forward either’, as to me it feels a betrayal to us, but that’s me and that’s grief I suppose
Debzz
She will always be my wife its only pause in time, we will meet again and i will give it the time i’m given till we’re an item again. I’m have feelings again with all our lack of sleep nodding off and
waking thinking
she’s here with me
again then
remembering
she’s not, it’s gut
wrenching and i’m
in floods of tears again.
Take care and a big hug.
in floods of tears again.
I feel your pain silverfox. I understand its the price we pay for loving them so much. Try to get something to help you sleep I have had to give in. Those moments when you remember again on waking is unbearable. Hugs back to you
I absolutely feel your pain, it was the same for me and my husband, we didn’t need anyone else.
It’s been seven weeks since I found him asleep in his chair, a cup of coffee by his side.
I cry all day when the children are at work, but have to be brave when they come home, because they are suffering too.
I miss Mark with all my heart, and I cannot contemplate a future without him. He was my protector and friend, he looked after us all so well, this is the hardest pain I have ever suffered.
I am going to collect his ashes this week, I am distraught and drowning in sorrow.
I send you my love and utmost condolences xx
My heart goes out to you Flints its a club we don’t want to join. How awful for you to find him like that I am so sorry. My sons are adults but autistic and cry all the time for their dad because he was such a great dad. I feel for your children. You are right when you say its the hardest pain you have ever suffered. Sending hugs your way
Thank you, I feel so sorry for you and your sons, I see the pain on my children’s faces, its hard enough for us to go on without our soulmate, but Mark was such a lovely father and always made them laugh, the void he has left is so vast, they miss him so much.
I think it would have been better for me to have gone and him to still be here , I cant do anything for them, I don’t even drive, I’m scared of everything! It really is too much for me to conceive.
I send you and your sons my love xx
Thanks Flints
Its been an awful two days, I miss him so much. Yesterday both my boys were out and I had the most awful break down crying and shouting at his chair how could you leave me alone. Had to sort his wake today and all I want to do is sleep and never wake up. Its a constant pain in my chest. Just want to wish the rest of my life away
I understand how you feel, I am alone most days, I too shout and scream, I can’t concentrate on anything, I start things and forget what I was doing, I end up with stuff all over the place. The garden was my passion, now I don’t even go out there, I used to love showing Mark my cuttings that I had taken, and walking around the garden pointing out plants that were flourishing , now I look out of the window and think “ what’s the point” he’s not here to share it. I can’t see the point in anything really, but know I have to keep going for my two youngest, who are still at home.
I hope things will get easier for you, love to you and your boys xx
Flints I really understand your comment about the garden and what’s the point. Its the interests and moments with our lovely men that is such a gaping hole. I have deleted all the cruise brochures, booking.com and theatre brochures because I have no one to do those things with and only want to travel etc with him. Sending you hugs and the little strength I have xx