Lost my husband on Friday

I lost my husband on Friday. He was in hospital suffering heart failure but the Dr’s fully expected him to recover. Then we got a call to say that he had suffered a massive cardiac arrest. We have three children aged from 8 to 14. They didn’t get to go to the hospital as there were no children allowed on the ward. I hadn’t worried about this because we all expected that he would get better and they would see him soon but they are now devastated that they didn’t get to say goodbye. I cannot begin to think that we will get through this. The only thing that helps is having people around us telling us that somehow we will find a way through.


And you will get through. You are among people on here who have been there (or are still going through it). Everyone totally understands and will support you. My gorgeous Alan died just before Christmas. He had a catastrophic cardiac arrest with no symptoms or warning. The paramedics managed to get his heart beating again but he passed away that evening without regaining consciousness. No chance to say goodbye or tell him I loved him. I would give anything for one more hour to tell him that. I know that you will be feeling absolutely lost at the moment. Everything has changed and nothing will seem real. But you and your children are a team and you will come through this together. One day at a time. Lean on others and accept all offers of help. There are no rules in grief. I would say do whatever feels right for you and focus on yourself and your children. The expectations of others (particularly those who haven’t been there) count for nothing. And if anybody comes out with silly comments (‘time is a great healer’ ggggrrrr) just let it wash over you. I’m guessing you’re focusing on your family but please remember to be kind to yourself too. I remember thinking that if I could get through this I can cope with anything that life throws at me. And I did get through. The early days were tough but I’m still here, keeping on keeping on. And you will be too. You are stronger than you ever thought. Really, you are. And you will make it. Take care x

Hi @Cattia
As @Arvia says everything is still very early days shock grief and adrenaline keepnus going. Everything has changed and you need to do whats right for yourself and children.
Most people on here have gone through or still going through similar so we all understand what it is to lose some special in your life.
I am sendung strength and hugs :two_hearts:
Please look after yourself and family
Keep posting there is always someone here to listen and help you work through things
Taje care
Lynne Xx

Thank you both. At the moment it is hard to accept, one minute things almost feel normal, like he will suddenly still be there and then the next minute it feels so hard that we will never survive it. Thinking forward to what the future looks like is so frightening and I wake up with so much panic rushing through my body. When I read people who are months and years into this journey and they are still suffering, I wonder how we will bare it?

@Cattia how awful for you. My husband died on Christmas Eve with a massive cardiac arrest but when the paramedics first arrived they were very laid back saying that he hadn’t had a heart attack it was probably angina they took him into hospital for blood tests saying I could come and pick him up later. That was the last time I saw him, hours later I had a phone call from the hospital, he was still alive when I got there but half an hour later he passed away. It’s horrendous, I really do feel for you having 3 children to deal with alongside this awful, awful tragedy. Wishing you strength x

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