Hi Of course it was nearly 51 years of marriage my post looked liked 151 years so I hope that made you smile. xxx carol xxx
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I lost my darling husband on 11th February. His health hadn’t been good for a few years but we were never told that it was life-threatening. Then, mid January they suddenly said that he only had a couple of weeks. He managed to come home for the last two weeks and he seemed so much better at home. I’m fine for a few hours and then suddenly I can’t breathe and I double over in pain. I don’t want it to be true. I can’t believe this has happened.
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Jen I am so sorry. “I just want him back” you said and how that resonates with me because that’s what I feel for my son who died on 9th Jan he was 38 and the life and soul of pretty much everything . It is so hard because doing things normally just has to be done and yet there’s nothing normal about any of it.
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Hello Jenna
I know how you feel, my husband 58 years died this January in bed next to me within the hour of going to sleep. I am heartbroken and dread being in the house or the place that is so called home. I know your pain, and all the if, buts and maybes that could have saved him.
Tracey x
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i understand how your dreading being home it is filled with memories every where you look but there is one thing missing you darling husband. look around find memories that can even make you smile they are there yes they are clouded by the sad memories. but they are there. i dont like being home because chip isnt there but i dont like being away from home because thats where i feel near to chip its a no win situation. Tracey it is your home sweetheart and its your husbands home too. i know where your coming from but he is there all around you take comfort in it dont be scared of it. keep the tele on or radio all the time to stop that horrible silence. i do understand i was on my own in the house yesterday and i literally rushed to get out im trying to avoid the emotions and avoid the pain as much as i can but i know it will all catch up to me. the future is my fear holidays days out sitting in the garden chip bringing me a cuppa when im weeding the front all those tiny things that made life so special with him. I miss him but i been lucky i had him in my life and i loved him and he loved me a lot of people never get that and by reading your post you had the same we are actually the lucky ones x
i am glad i read your post mrs colt. i had days were i was coping and felt it was wrong and i didnt love my partner enough but hearing you have good days to helps me a little i dont feel i am wrong
I know Karie, when you have good days you actually feel guilty for being ok but we need a bit respite or we would be taken away by the men in white coats. I think it is our bodies way of coping as I know on my bad days it is so physically and mentally exhausting I could not bear it long term. I have actually had a run of a few tear free days this week but I am not being too cocky as I know one smell, TV program or memory will bring it all flooding back and wipe the feet from me again. The joys of grieving eh 
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Yes, totally right we are the lucky ones who found something so lovely and beautiful even through life ups and downs. x
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Hi Jen
Very sad and very young. My husbands death proved to be heart disese ( 58) which we knew nothing about, he had no symptoms at all.
Thinking of you x
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Dear all
It gives me so much strength knowing that I’m not alone in this and recognising the feelings and emotions, and physical symptoms that everyone has. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. My prayers are with you all as we battle our way through this seemingly unending nightmare.
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