Lost my husband suddenly

Hi my husband passed away suddenly from acute heart attack on 2nd February this year. He was 54 and I’m 41. We have 2 children 18 & 12, the kids have been great so brave but I feel that as is the case for me it hasn’t quite hit. My daughter has returned to school but this morning she was in bits as she wanted to stay at home, I feel so bad sending her as I am still at home, but I feel trying to get back to some “normality” will help, the school have started to look into counselling for her.
I have the most amazing support from friends and family but I just want him back, I’ve been comforting everyone around me as people just turn up to see us and cry, and there I am telling them it’s all going to be ok and smiling and comforting them. My chest continually hurts, I just want to be with him, but I know that I need to carry on with the children to guide them through their lives.
I just don’t know where to turn to I’m not very good at talking to people face to face.
He was my everything and my heart is breaking every second.

Hi JenNic,
So sorry for your loss of your husband.
I know how you feel, I lost my husband in November, he was only 56 to a cardiac arrest.
It’s such a devastating nightmare and the disbelief and pain of it all is heartbreaking.
I feel for you and your children and it hurts so much to see them in pain. My youngest daughter was so close to her dad and she is struggling.
You are not alone in all of this, coming on here has made me say how I’m feeling and knowing there’s others that feel exactly the same.
Love to you and your family.
Steph x

Hi JenNic,
That is so awful for you, 54 is no age & you left on your own at 41 is beyond comprehension. My Husband also passed suddenly with a heart attack in November three weeks after I lost Mum so a double whammy :cry: Like you I have brilliant support from Family & Friends and also some amazing people I have met on here who are always there when things overwhelm me. We are all in the same boat so know where you are coming from & what you are going through. It is still very early days for you & everything is still so raw. Most of us on here who have lost our Husbands have all said we just want to be with him again but we cant do that to the ones who love us, we must battle on even though it is so hard at times. You need to be there for your kids, they will be devastated at losing their Dad & need your Love & support more than ever.
I find I have good days when I can cope then horrendous days when I don’t want to get out of bed & cry non stop, just take it a day at a time & do what you can. There are no steadfast rules to grieving & we are all different. Our life as we knew it has been cruelly snatched away from us & all we can do is to try & rebuild a new one & hope one day to be happy again.
Sending you positive thoughts
V xx

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Dear Steph,
Thank you for reaching out to me & so sorry for your loss.
It’s good to hear from someone who has gone through the same situation.
Jenna x

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Dear V
Thank you for reaching out to me and I’m so sorry for your double loss, I just don’t understand how life can be so cruel.
Having the children is literally the only thing that is keeping me going, they are being so very brave about everything they put me to shame!
Take care Jenna x

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That’s ok,
We’re all here if you need to talk,
Stay strong. Steph x

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You wonder where the kids get their resilience eh? It must be terrible for them but they are trying to be strong for your sake Jenna. At least you guys have eachother and that is such a blessing
V x

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i feel your pain we have similar experiences. im 47 i just lost my partner chip who had just turned 60. we had plans and i cant cope with going on with out him i fear everything everywhere i go there is a memory i dont want to go to sleep because waking up to knowing all over again he has gone. i so scared about how life will be now. i have great support around me but all i want is my chip. he was and is my soul mate. he had a cardiac arrest on the 9 feb 20 and passed on the 22nd he really did try to fight it and i was shocked when i was told there was no hope. not my chip not the man who had battled everything and won. my kids are grown and we had a 5 year old grandson. he was a great granddad and its all so hard. i cant give you advice on how to cope because i dont know myself but to let you know your not alone. please feel free to reply maybe we can help each other, god bless you and your family

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Hi Karie
I am so sorry for your loss, and thank you for reaching out to me.
Everything is so raw at the moment and I just expect him to walk through the door. I am the same with the sleep, my husband went in the bed next to me, It took a while to even go up to our room, I have to go up there and leave the lights on.
It would be good to support each other as we are on the same timeline.
It really helps to talk things through so please keep in touch take care and god bless to you and your family
Jenna xxx

i woke up this morning and expected him to be here i here noises around the house and try and convince myself its him walking around. i have to take his clothes to the funeral home to day its like everything is on auto pilot. do you feel angry at how young your husband was i find myself looking at people and judging them because i know they are older then my chip and i think its unfair. i know that isnt right but i cant help it x

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Hi Karie,
I’m always imagining my husband is here if I hear a noise, or I make myself think he’s at work, it hurts too much to think otherwise.
The early days you do feel like you’re on autopilot and like everything’s in slow motion it’s like nothing seems real and you’re just doing what you have to and hoping that you will wake up from the painful nightmare.
I lost my husband 3 months ago age 56and I know what you mean about seeing older people walking along and feeling bitter, it’s normal to feel like that, our husbands were far too young and it’s just not fair, life’s not fair.
Steph x

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Hi Karie,
Oh hope that went well today, I managed to get to see him for a week before his funeral, I know it’s not everyone’s wishes, but spending that week with him playing songs, talking to him, crying and just holding him gave me some comfort and a chance to say goodbye properly. I also got some pictures to keep and a lock of his hair.

Yes I imagine I hear him about if the stairs creak etc I get a little bit of happiness then reality kicks in again. And I agree it’s not fair, we had plans, things we were going to do once the children had grown up etc it’s very sad that I’m not going to get to do this now x

Sending hugs your way Jenna xxx

Hi, I lost my husband 17 months ago he was 61 & I was 59, I had just taken semi-retirement the same week he was diagnosed with cancer…we had our future together planned and then he was cruelly taken away from me, I can relate to everything your saying, life is so difficult without him! I am going to try a bereavement group for widowers, look to see if there’s anything local to you I’m in Colchester, it’s a friendship group and everyone is in the same boat, I know I’m not alone but I do sometimes feel I’m the only one going through this hopefully the group will help. All the best x

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Hi JenNic,
I also went to see my husband for a week before his funeral. I talked to him , kissed him , cuddled him and just to be able to sit with him did bring me a bit of comfort, I definitely would of regretted it if I didn’t go, I also placed photos of kids and grandkids with him, it was very hard to leave him on the day of the funeral.
I miss him so much.
Steph x

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Hi Zara,
You’re right our futures have been cruelly snatched away, all our plans gone .
It helps posting on here.
Steph x

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Sorry Zaza blooming predictive text x

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Hi Zaza
So sorry for your loss thank you I may try to find a group too - I’m in Romford so not that far from you!

Take care Jenna xx

all of your reply’s are so comforting. i didnt take his clothes in to the funeral home in the end my daughter did i asked her to make sure he is ok silly i know but i still care and i want him to be looked after at all times. we all seem to be robbed of futures we had planned its so unfair. i did spend the last few days in hospital with my chip and even then we were making plans i never believed he would go he always fought back. i know none of our partners wanted to go. my chip woke up and said to me i dont want to die i dont want to loose you i never wanted to loose him either. i wonder if he is missing me and i am being selfish because im hurting but he might be hurting too. the not knowing is the hardest. i think all of you are amazing and brave and im glad i joined this site there is no doubt talking helps god bless you all x

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i bought two st Christopher necklaces today i wanted to make sure he was safe on his last journey i had my name engraved on his and his name on mine. i will be putting mine in my car so everywhere i go i will be taking him with me. its going to be hard but im going to try and do some of the things we planned

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Hello Zaza and JenNic so sorry for your losses. I lost my lovely Ron 3 years ago after nearly l 51 years of a very happy marriage. I thought I would let you know I joined a Bereavement group and it was one of the best things I ever did since loosing my Ron. We all feel the same so we all know how we are all feeling. We go out for meals , day trips and short breaks. We all missing our missing our loved ones and we do talk abut them all. So please try and join it takes a bit of courage at first to go but everyone is so friendly and of course they all understand. Sending love and hugs to you. xx Carol xxxx

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