It will be two years on 1st March since l lost my husband to covid, we had both tested positive but neither of us were ‘ill’ just a niggly cough then my husband started getting short of breath going up the stairs l contacted 111 and after several Conversations back and forth they asked him to go to a Covid hub where they check your vitals it turned out his oxygen level was low and also his blood pressure so he was admitted to hospital on the Friday evening and he died on the Monday afternoon. They told us on the Monday morning that he was unlikely to survive. We were in a state of shock just thought he would get his levels sorted out and would be home we are still struggling to come to terms with how quick it happened he was 66 years old played golf three or four times a week so was relatively healthy. This Christmas I felt Worse than I did the first one without him I think I was still in a state of shock and disbelief. I had only just retired as we went into the first lockdown my husband retired the year previous we had done absolutely nothing due to Covid he was not just my husband but my best friend and my soulmate, We had just celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary in January as he died in March. people say it gets easier as time goes on but I must say I’m struggling more now than when it first happened, I’m totally heartbroken.
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. I see you are new to the Community, I do hope it will be of support and comfort to you. In time feelings of grief tend to become less intense and you learn to live with them but the memories and love you had for your loved one will always remain and be with you.
Grief is a journey and a horrible one at that but it is not a race. Everyone’s grief journey is different and you take it at your pace. Grieving can go on for years but this is quite normal.
I would like to share a few resources by Sue Ryder which may be of help and support to you at this time.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through
You can also connect with members here who have been in a similar situation as yourself by using the search bar above.
If you have not done so already it might be helpful to book an appointment with your doctor to let them know how you are feeling and to see what support they can offer you.
You are not alone and we are all here for you, please continue to reach out at any time.
@JBH4 So sorry for your terrible loss to Covid. I lost my wife of 47 years to Covid in October last year. She tested positive 14th July. Because she had cancer treatment she was classed as vulnerable and she should have received anti-viral medicine within 3 days. It took 10. She became weaker and I took her to the hospital 11th August. They did tests and said she would have to stay in. I went for her clothes etc. When I returned I was told she was in ICU and the consultant told me she was likely to die. The second night there she called me in as she had decided to decline treatment and go. I held her hand and kissed her and she said she would fight it. She did and started to recover. We were told she would be out in a fortnight. Then the hospital put her in a general ward where she immediately contracted a respiratory infection and was rushed back to ICU. I was told she would die again. She improved and was put into critical care. She improved again. The hospital then put her back in the same ward where she had contracted an infection and the same thing happened. Another infection and I had to watch her die there for a fortnight. I had Covid with no symptoms at all. I would have gladly taken hers if it would have saved her. If anyone says Covid is no longer a problem I just want to strangle them on the spot. As for the hospital, I kept daily notes on treatment and my objections to her moves and insisted these were held with her medical notes. When I am ready I will be back there. I told them at the time when they insisted they knew better that I could be wrong but they could not. Sorry to go on but your post brought all this back to me and it is the part of her dying which I have yet to begin to come to terms with.
@Mike75 l’m so sorry for your loss, one thing to be said she put up a good fight to stay with you. You must have been so frustrated with the hospital.
I joined a Covid support group on Facebook and the number of people on there who lost loved ones to hospital acquired covid is unbelievable, maybe going in because they’d had a fall or to get medication under control.
We managed to see him in the hospital but he had been ventilated so probably didn’t know we were there but l’d like to think he heard me tell him for the last time how much l loved him and l didn’t say Goodbye just for him to keep fighting.
Don’t ever apologise for having a rant, l know exactly how you feel.
My wife went into Covid fog the second time she went into the ICU. She had some lucid moments and told me that I had given her a ‘fantastic back story’. At the end, I held her hand as she died and told her I loved her and always would. I kissed her twice (a little parting ritual we had) and told her she could leave. She passed peacefully away and I then spoke to her for half an hour and left. I felt privileged that she had shared her life with me and that I could say goodbye properly but totally devastated at the loss. I am crying so have to go. Thank you for your support. I hope you find peace too. XX
Aww @Mike75 sounds like you had a beautiful relationship with your wife, l feel like you and was so glad to have had my husband in my life, felt like we had so much more to do together but sadly that’s not going to happen, l’m always here if you want to have a rant, it’s nearly two years and l still get angry, take care x
@JBH4 Thank you. I am starting to come to terms with the other aspects of bereavement. This is the part I haven’t reached. I was with my wife in and out of treatment for 10 years. I knew her history, I knew her. I had a team working with me including 2 retired nurses, a research biochemist and our friend’s son, a trainee ICU consultant. I did not tell them about the support till things looked critical. Suddenly the consultants were changed. Everything was documented. When I am ready I will be back to seek resolution for the way the hospital acted.
So sorry @JBH4
This is so sad to read of you losing your husband to Covid and so quickly too. I understand the shock side of things as my husband died completely out of the blue. No warning, no suspicion of Ill health in someone who appeared extremely fit and well.
I do hope you find some peace in your heart some day. In the meantime we are here for you.
I didn’t know the story of your wife’s final days. How impossible to watch and come to terms with. Our losses can be even harder to bear if we think they should and could have been avoided.
You are so supportive to so many on here I hope we can be the same in return.
Thank you Karen. You have been a great inspiration to me. To understand, I see three aspects to my bereavement. My sadness for my wife not being here to share our lives in the present and future, sadness for myself from missing her love and company, and a feeling of PTSD from the way she died over the 11 weeks in hospital. The first two with help from my family, friends and from this site I am just beginning to resolve, but the last I have not even been able to start. There is too much negative emotion and anger. When that subsides I shall try and see that others do not go through what my wife endured because of the flawed procedures the hospital used. Love and gratitude xx
Hello Mike. Reading your story it’s similar to what me and my mum have been through but loosing my wonderful dad to bacterial neumonia last September after a short but brave battle. I’m struggling to come to terms with it more than my mum. Some days I do just fine and other days it really does hit me hard. Hear if you need a chat about anything.
@Gemma76 So sorry to hear of your own loss in this awful way. Thank you for your kind words. It is traumatic enough losing loved ones but when the circumstances are like this the trauma is increased exponentially. Love and support xx
I am glad if in any small way I have helped. x
I think you are very clear thinking and methodical so I’m sure you will manage whatever feels right for you, when the time is right for you.
The split of the other two aspects of grief I totally get too. Yes, I miss Richard SO much which is one major hurt and the other of him missing out, which I am aware will be even stronger when our daughter marries and if and when they have children. He had so much he still wanted to do.
The last time I helped him when he was dealing with a fallen tree in the field four weeks to the day before he died, I commented that we would have to think about what we did about the land when he wasn’t fit enough to look after it. His reply ‘We’ll worry about that nearer the time.’ He wasn’t intending to give up the very physical work he did any time soon.
Karen I note you are there to support many who start this unwanted and difficult journey. You are kind snd generous with your time and empathy whilst dealing with your own situation, which does not sound at all easy. I’m sure I’m not the only one you have helped. Thank you. xx
Your very welcome. Hope you found the support comforting and yes I agree. It’s another level when people go through what we have gone through. I keep thinking has this actually happened to us and why etc. So hard to explain what we went through but I’m sure with all the help and support in this group it will help us get through XX
Thank for your message I’m so sorry to hear about the sad loss of your husband, yes the speed of him dying has played a major part in our grieving, sometimes l get an overwhelming anxiety when l realise l’m never ever going to see, touch, kiss or hug him ever again. I’m sure everyone who has suffered loss like ours feels the same.
Thank you for your support which is much appreciated - Jane x
@Peppers Thank you for your reply and the information which l’ll have a look at and will help in my grieving x
Yes, the reality that this was truly happening was so hard to come to terms with. He was so alive - then just wasn’t there.
For me, nine months on, that aspect is less confusing but my life with him seems in some ways so long ago - a different life almost. I miss him every day, still cry often but less often than I did and have started some aspects of life again. It’s not the life I choose but I am doing some things.
I hope you will find some peace in your heart.
Yes l totally agree with you - he was there one minute gone the next.
Both our children are married but live close by, they have dealt with their dad’s death in different ways and still have their own struggles. They are very good including me in social things they do but l do tell them them they have their own lives to live.
I’ve started socialising on my own mainly just coffees and lunches out with friends.
It’ll take time but hopefully we’ll get there, take care - Jane x
It’s so hard but glad you have your children near and friends.
My younger daughter still lives with me and will for some time yet I’m sure as she is a long way from independence. My older daughter is only half an hour away but works full time.