Lost my Husband to suicide

I was with my husband for 22 years. We were married for 12. In Dec 22 we split which was my choice and for the best part of 2023 we argued, shouted, cried… got volatile and a lot of hate was thrown around from his side from being hurt. He didnt see jt coming… neither did i really just felt suffocated. He continually said he couldnt live without me. This world wasnt for him and attempted his life several times. We all tried to be there for him but he just wouldnt listen and was adamant there was no life for him. On 6th October 2023 he succeeded with his attempts and was found in bed. As you cam imagine i feel immense guilt and dont feel i have a right to grieve. I know we were apart for 10mths at the time he passed but we were together half our lives. I miss him massively, wish i could turn the clock back and do things differently. Anyone else in a similar situation? I feel i have indirectly murdered him


@1975_TinaEs So sorry for your loss and so sorry to hear that you feel responsibility, but it was your husband that took his life not you, his choice not yours. From what you describe this wasn’t a cry for help on your husbands part, he was determined to see it through. You haven’t murdered anyone, his life has ended in a very tragic way, but it’s not by your hand or in any way your fault. You are allowed to grieve, tbh honest it’s what you are experiencing just now, the questions, the confusion, the guilt, unfortunately all of us on here get it. Things are going to be rough, this site is a really safe place to get things out, there’s no judgement, hope you can keep coming back.

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Nobody is ever directly responsible for another’s suicide. Yes, bad things had been happening in your lives , but your husband’s decision was his alone . Psychiatric disorders are so complex and unfortunately, those left behind are so traumatised by the unanswered questions. Your husband was obviously suffering immensely because taking your own life certainly isn’t something done lightly. I hope you receive the support which you need , because living with misplaced feelings of guilt must be absolutely devastating for you on top of your loss x