I very recently lost my husband, age 51. It was completely unexpected and we didn’t even say goodbye because we both thought he was going to get better. I’m now left with three children who don’t have a dad. I’m only 44. I never expected to be a widow at this age. The grief and pain I feel is unbearable, like a massive wave engulfing me and I can hardly breathe. Knowing that I can’t see him or speak to him again is so awful and gut wrenching and there’s nothing I can do about it. I am reaching out to anyone else who is going through a similar experience, someone who would understand the pain I’m feeling. Will it always feel like this? Will it always be this painful and unbearable? What do you do with all the questions you have and the what if’ s?
Sorry for your loss, yes unfortunately we’re all heartbroken and going through the same feelings, it just seems surreal and unbelievable but just think about getting through the next hour at a time, take any help that’s offered and also ask for help because people can be kind and probably want to help, be kind to yourself and rest up sending you hugs at such a dreadful time for you and your family xx
Thank you. So sorry for your loss too.
It was quite sudden over eight weeks from developing a pain in his side to widespread aggressive abdominal cancer to dying, I have two adult sons who luckily for me because of covid live here with me and helped me through the whole nightmare but we’re all devastated and struggling through especially as Xmas is near, life is cruel and it’s so desperately sad for both our families sending loving thoughts to you all xx
That’s awful and so sad. I can’t imagine what you’re all going through. My husband died nearly 3 weeks ago in intensive care. We have 3 children aged 9 - 13. Nothing can prepare you for this kind of pain and grief and like you said, just before Christmas makes it even more difficult. Thinking of you x x
Beccie I’m so sorry for your loss, and you’re right nothing can prepare you for the utter pain and devastation that losing your partner brings. I lost my dearest husband coming up on 15 weeks and it was sudden, no illness, he came home from work went to bed and covid took him. He was 48, I have just turned 49 and have 2 kids 14 and 17. I’ve found that I draw the strength to get up and keep going for my kids, like yours, they need me and I have to keep it together for them. Do you have support around you, maybe the school can help with counselling when the kids are ready? If you have someone to talk to, family, friend or counsellor, it helps and this forum has been a godsend for me. Take care Natasha x
Thank you for your message Natasha. I’m so sorry for your loss too. Covid took my husband also. I have friends and family around for support, but my heart is pining for my husband all the time. My kids seem ok at the moment. It’s like it hasn’t hit them yet. I think maybe kids deal with grief different to adults, I’m not sure. Yes, they definitely keep you going. When you know you’re their only parent, it gives you that motivation you need to keep going. My whole world is in black and white, all the colour is gone now. It’s so quiet and lonely and I just feel like I can’t live this life without him. 
Dear Beccie
My husband died suddenly with no opportunity to say goodbye and fully understand the what ifs although he did not die as a result of illness. Our kids are adults but we had only just became grandparents to a little boy and also been told that another was on the way days before he died. Both our kids have received counselling and in the early days tried to shield me from their own grief. Hopefully your kids schools are prepared to offer support as and when required.
Please surround yourself with trusted family/friends and take one day at a time. This forum is a good place for support from others in the same position and understand the difficult journey we all now find ourselves on.
Take care.
Hi Sheila, Thank you for your message. I am so very sorry for your loss. Not saying goodbye is so so hard isn’t it. I think of all the things I wanted to say to my husband and all the things he might have said to me. It is heart wrenching and horrible. Knowing I can’t speak to him or have any contact with him is so devastating. It feels like it will always be this painful and sad. His funeral is today. I’m dreading it. I think I’ll be a puddle on the floor. And it’s all the things you can’t do together and the places you can’t go. He’ll never see his children grow up, go through teenager/puberty years, become adults, get married, have grandkids. It must be so awful for you that your husband never got to meet his unborn grandchild. It is just devastating beyond belief. I’ve never felt pain like it and nothing can prepare you for it.
It helps to be on a forum like this with people who are going through the same thing and can understand the pain. I really hope in time the pain will ease for us all.
With love
Beccie
Thinking of you today Beccie xx
Thinking of you and your children on such a profound and difficult day love and hugs xx
Thank you for thinking of us today x
Dear Beccie
There are few words that I can say except I am thinking of you and your family today.
Sheila
Thank you Sheila x x