I lost my husband 5 weeks ago and everyone things im strong because ive done this or that but im not, i miss him so much and i have all the finances to sort as well. I manage to do a couple of things and then im just exhausted, curl up and cry or try to fall asleep because then i cant think.
Work are pushing for me to go back next week but i dont feel ready but i do feel obligated to them.
I just want to curl up and be with my husband.
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I’m so sorry for you losing your wonderful husband. I’m further down this awful road, it’s 7 months and five days for me.
I was off work for 7 weeks after I lost my Martin, and then went back. I lasted a week and took another month or so off. In total I was off for nearly 3 months.
I WFH but just couldn’t do it. My company have been really great and when I returned, I didn’t go back to my full role. Don’t feel obligated to return, 5 weeks is nothing.
Sending a big hug…x💕
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I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I lost my husband just under 4 weeks ago and his funeral is tomorrow. I’m really dreading it. Even though everyone is being really kind and helpful there’s only one person I really want to talk to and then I realise that they’re not there. I’m lucky in that I don’t work, retired I suppose, but you really need significant time to come to terms with what has happened and how things have changed. Unless someone has gone through something similar they cannot possibly understand the impact it has, it’s just like a huge gaping hole has opened up where someone used to be. I cry a lot, even did it on the bus the other day, and although it doesn’t necessarily make it better it’s important to release feelings. You have to listen to yourself and although lots of people will try and give you advice every person deals with this differently, you need to do what you believe to be best for you.
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Thank you Dottie x
All i want to do is cry
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Thank you Guineapig65, i am sorry for your loss too. I thought divorce was bad when my first husband left me for a younger model but then i met my Dave and losing him is far worse than any divorce. i have a cushion on my bed with our photo which our friend had done a few years back and i give him a goodnight kiss and cuddle him every night - not quite the same but its the best that can be done.
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@Ellie1234 Just over 4 months since my husband suddenly passed. I cuddle his cardigan every night and cry myself to sleep. Take care x
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I do too Jane, i have his favorite pj bottoms under my pillow on my side and i now sleep on his side with shirt, jumper the paramedics cut off him and the towels they used under his head under his pillow which i am now laying on.
I wear his socks i recently bought which he loved because they were so warm.
This still does not seem real and i just want him bsck with me but i know thats never going to happen.
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@Ellie1234 its so hard trying to get through each day without them, I just miss not having him to talk to. Everything seems pointless now, I’m so lonely and think I’d rather just go so I could be with him again x
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Hi Jane,
I know that feeling too and i dont know how to stop crying apart from trying to sleep instead
I am supposed to be going back to work next week but i dont feel ready and i feel obligated to the company. My sister in law who also lost her husband just before New Years Eve, says its a little better than it was, she messages me nearly every day to see how i am and of course my husband was her brother. I feel like giving up too, to be with my Dave.
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I completely understand how you feel. I lost my husband 7 weeks ago tomorrow and it feels like yesterday. I’m broken. It was sudden but peaceful. My son tried cpr but too late. He was 62.We were together 38 years. I went back to work 2 weeks ago but only for a few hours a week.It was hard going back but I kept crying at home looking at the photos etc. It was hard sorting bills etc. Still doing it now. I ache for him and yes want to be with him but have 2 sons and they are grieving too. This group has helped to know I am not alone in how I feel. Yes everyone says I’m strong but they don’t see me crying in a ball. Asking why??? Unless they have been through such a loss they really don’t understand. So lonely too. We did everything together. I really do understand and know this road we did not choose is far from easy. Lots of love. Heather
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@Ellie1234
I feel so sad for you. You are being pressured by your company when they should be listening to you and doing everything they can to help you through this dreadful time.
It is four months since I lost my lovely husband and I still cry every day. Take ome day at a time and pleade don’t go back to work until you feel ready.
Sending strength and hugs to you xx
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Hi Heather,
Yes, you hit the nail on the head and know exactly how i am feeling, as do the other people on here i have chatted to. Sometimes i just want to be left alone with my Dave. I know hes never coming back but i still cant believe hes gone.
My eyes hurt from crying, my head from thinking and my heart just aches. I have this image in my head of him.on the bathroom floor, where he fell and my neighbours boy (16), me and another neighbour joined in doing CPR on him till the paramedics arrived, they worked on him for an hour but it was only the machines keeping him alive. I relive this all the time.
My work have been good and i know they cant be good for ever but im just not ready yet to go back to work, i just cant face the people i work with and come home to no Dave.
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Ellie. You had the shock like me and it doesn’t sink in that they have gone. It’s the worse feeling coming home to an empty house. Even leaving and knowing he’s not here and saying see you later. I have 2 son’s at home but they go to work and I don’t want them thinking they have to be in for me. I too relive the paramedics working on my husband and us saying goodbye to him. It’s so painful isn’t it? I wouldn’t wish this pain on anyone. I go through the motions but not taking anything in. I keep thinking of all the things he’s going to miss then I remember all the lovely times we had. My brain fights against each other. Feel like I’m always crying. I sleep with the shirt he took off. I imagine him cuddling me. I walk to work and say hold my hand and imagine him holding it to get me to work. I really hope things do get better in a little way. Lots of love. Heather
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@Hev57 @Ellie1234 same thing with my Bri, 23 weeks ago today., from a cardiac arrest. So sudden and unexpected, he was only 47 and had no symptoms of heart trouble. the image of when i found him and watching the efforts of the paramedics was horrific to watch and they haunt me. Sometimes the images just appear in my head and i have to push them away.
My life ended that day too, and wish i could be with him soon. Im only 48 and cant bear the rest of my life without him…
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I am so sorry. There is nothing I can say to make you feel better but say I know exactly how you feel. I feel empty not really existing. It’s so painful. Sometimes it’s excruciating pain and other times I can put one foot in front of the other. It’s still such early days. I can only hope like you the pain eases a little. Lots of love. Heather
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And we’re all sending you love & hugs back. xx
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Ah thanks @Ellie1234xx
@Ellie1234
Sorry I didn’t see your post until today. I’m sorry you have the need to join us here where we all wish we didn’t have to be. As you have already seen though, there are many here who understand what you are going through. I too lost my husband suddenly with no warning after he went out to play football and never came home. I don’t have the awful images to contend with as I was not with him as resuscitation was attempted but that does mean I didn’t get to say goodbye or tell him how much I love him.
It is almost 11 months ago, which in itself seems impossible to believe, and some days are better than others. I am a glass half full type of person which helps a lot.
A good friend I made from here sent me a book called Resilient Grieving by Lucy Hone, which I find very good. She did a Ted talk too so you could look that up.
Sending you love and support as you make your way through this dreadful time.
Hugs
Karen xxx
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I know the feeling … i don’t think ive ever cried so much in my life as when my husband passed. 3 months ago and i still cry but not as much as those early days ! Its so very painful xxx
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