Beautiful xx
Safie
Hi strange isn’t it. I don’t know what to,think do you ? also,I have got a puppy now,.my cat died in September 17 almost to,the day I lost my husband. I got the puppy in Octobern 18’-and sometimes she will jump,off the bed and sit on the top,step, at night and barks but then settles. Strange . Sleep.tight and stay positive if you can. XxxJ
Dear everyone . I have only been on my own …walking the dogs , going to the church , doing housework , eating my tea and watching telly …since this afternoon…and it is starting to get to me already now . I am rubbish on my own . I rely on my mum , my daughters and their boyfriends to keep me going . I haven’t cried because I know it’s pointless but I just feel numb . It still feels unreal that my husband’s life pretty much ended within minutes of him speaking to me and getting out of our bed of a morning . Does anyone else feel numb and weird ? I work hard all week in our business . People look forward to the weekend and I just feel like I have lost the plot now . Such a weird horrible feeling . Keep feeling like my husband should be coming in to see me any minute to ask me if I want a cup of tea or ask me what I’m watching on tv . I don’t know where the heck I go from here . I feel in total limbo but I’m not going to cry . I am just trying to be grateful for what I’ve still got . I might not have got my husband but I still have my people , my dogs , my home , my work and my health . This is the hardest thing I have ever done . I hope my husband is looking down on me and is proud of me . I think he is . Love to everyone xxxxx
Which one of you girls goes to bed at 5:30 pm? Well I am in bed - me water bottle and going to watch Frankie and Grace on Netflix - if you can do watch it- it is light enjoyable and at time funny.
My 5 year old grandson stayed after a sleepover after his mum and brother left. He is a joy - so easy when it is just one to please.
I found one of Jack’s coat and had a good sniff - could smell him - and I feel so so sorry for me for what I have lost!
Otherwise it was a good Saturday. How was your day ?
Sadie xx
Well… I feel very numb. I think that I am not feeling things fully,
maybe when you feel more positive make a list of things that may help you to be alone: puzzle, bake a cake for a neighbour? An exercise class? Swim? Doesn’t matter what it is but it helps you /me to avoid that big black whole .
Sadie xxx
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Romy of course he will be proud of you there’s absolutely no question…the fact that you have kept this business going is a testiment to how much your husband means to you …I’m completely with you about the weekends …I dread them to be honest … weekends we’re always the time that we did something as a family … Christmas kept me busy with the run up to it but now I feel like I hide away until the school week starts again.mmy friend are married and my dad a partner u always feel like ur a spare part or a burden …
My life has changed so much…my health has gotten a little worse and waiting for CT scan and finiacally were struggling …so I don’t have the energy or the money to make weekends special for the kids …it’s just another blow …
I’m so with you Romy on not knowing where to go …im at the bottom of a massive mountain…my bereavement period has now ended . And now I’m not well enough to work …always feel like. Between a rock and a hard place …
I’m the same in the respect that sometimes I feel like Gary will just walk through the door like nothing has happened …glad you have your dog …that was another blow our landlord has made us get rid of ours scarlett was heart broke …it hard not to think the glass is half empty …
Sorry I’ve not done much to cheer you up but I so know how you feel …
Love and hugs to you x
Romy of course he will be proud of you there’s absolutely no question…the fact that you have kept this business going is a testiment to how much your husband means to you …I’m completely with you about the weekends …I dread them to be honest … weekends we’re always the time that we did something as a family … Christmas kept me busy with the run up to it but now I feel like I hide away until the school week starts again.mmy friend are married and my dad a partner u always feel like ur a spare part or a burden …
My life has changed so much…my health has gotten a little worse and waiting for CT scan and finiacally were struggling …so I don’t have the energy or the money to make weekends special for the kids …it’s just another blow …
I’m so with you Romy on not knowing where to go …im at the bottom of a massive mountain…my bereavement period has now ended . And now I’m not well enough to work …always feel like. Between a rock and a hard place …
I’m the same in the respect that sometimes I feel like Gary will just walk through the door like nothing has happened …glad you have your dog …that was another blow our landlord has made us get rid of ours scarlett was heart broke …it hard not to think the glass is half empty …
Sorry I’ve not done much to cheer you up but I so know how you feel …
Love and hugs to you x
I will try and make a list Sadie . I haven’t lived in my own since 1983 when I got my first proper job and had a flat of my own . But then I had a boyfriend …my husband …and friends we went out with on the weekend and stuff like that . It’s different when you are young and excited about life and what’s ahead . Now I just feel confused … about what I’m supposed to do next . On my own xxxx
Hi Romy
I Was reading your post,i felt like that for a long time,that I was rubbish on my own,and that i needed my daughters and partners and grandchildren to keep me going.Then i thought well i had never lived on my own since being born and i was 55 yrs when lost my hubby.I had lived with parents,i was 18 when married my hubby and since losing husband last March ,this was the first time ever i had to live on my own.
So no wonder it all feels alien to us,i would say your mum,and daughters need you as much as you need them,i wouldn’t feel bad about it.I can relate to the feeling in limbo,and unsure of where to go what to do next feeling,and i have those weird days where everything feels like its not really happened .
Your’e not on your own Romy ,feel the same on and off.
I am better at being on my own,as the months have moved on,don’t like it at all but no choice so im giving it a damn good go!
Your husband will be proud ,and i know mine is too.xx
Hi Romy
I think that it’s worth repeating the gratitude exercise frequently. I try and list everything I feel grateful for and it’s actually a very long list, partially spoiled at the moment with a cold virus.
I’ve been on my own all day. Single hotel room, single table at breakfast, single seat on the bus, no walking companion, single table for lunch in the cafe, still no walking companion, single bus seat and single table for dinner and now laid on my single bed downing a single malt. It’s just how it is but it’s so different from how it was. Like you say it is so difficult but it’s the cards we’ve been dealt and we have to play them the best we can. I’m just desperate to sleep better tonight as things will look better tomorrow but strange bed and a bunged up respiratory system doesn’t offer much hope.
I’m just going to list my gratitude again. Keep believing.
I have lived alone in my life - I don’t like it and I find really difficult. I have the radio or TVs constantly on because there are voices talking to me it helps to divert my attention and it helps me to stay in a parallel word.
what is it you like to do?
Sadie
Hi Sadie ,
Probably me that’s in bed early.
I went to see a friend this afternoon and came home to the empty house so got into bed with the electric blanket, a cup of tea , a book, radio 4 and the cat.
I can’t watch TV because it was something we always did together. I don’t miss it and haven’t turned it on since Paul went into the hospice, 15 months ago.
I don’t think it’s like ‘going to bed’ because I’m in a bungalow and am next to the kitchen.
I try not to think of the future, I’m in a bubble and just exist in this strange new life, especially at weekends.
Keep strong, small steps forward, big hugs,
Chris
I’ve just read Michelle’s post and it’s given me a big kick up the backside. My problems appear miniscule by comparison and I am capable of solving them all. You are truly amazing Michelle and you must have more strength than you credit yourself for.
I know we haven’t cheered each other up babes . But at least we can talk to each other about how we feel and we understand each other and know we are not both going crazy .
I know what you mean about feeling like a spare part even when you are with the people you love . They are all in couples . They all have their own special person and if they hug me it’s lovely but it just reminds me even more that I’m on my own now .
Money and health worries are bound to make everything feel even more crap for you Michelle . So sorry about the dog going too . That is heartbreaking for you and the children . More upset on top of your grief . You are doing well to keep it together for the children . But I can imagine that you feel stuck and don’t know what to try to do next especially because you are not well . Fingers crossed you don’t have to wait too long for the scan and that you get some treatment that helps as a result of that .
We are both still in shock I think but at least this site is a blessing in as much as we can all talk to each other about how we are feeling
Be proud of how you have coped this far
Sending lots of hugs and love to you and your children xxx
Yorkshirelad, it must be difficult for you but for man to travel alone etc etc is much easier than for women. A man is able to sit in a pub read the paper and have a beer - we girls find the idea of doing this quite daunting.
We have to really se that we are strong even thought we don’t feel it - Remember our husbands are here with us - their love gave us strength and all the support we have in this forum also help us
Sadie x
Dear Robina . Reading your post gives me some hope that I will get better at being on my own as time goes on . I don’t think I will ever like it either . I will have to do what Sadie said and make a list of stuff I can do to try to occupy myself when I am home alone .
We will carry on trying to make our husbands proud
I think I have made some progress tonight in as much as I haven’t cried …at least not yet .
Thank you for your support xxxx
Dear Yorkshire Lad . That’s a lovely reply . Especially cos you feel ill too . I wish I was having a whisky with you . We could have a good chat about how challenging this new life is . I think I will go and get one now .
I hope you sleep ok tonight and that tomorrow is better
Thank you for your post . It helped xxx
Dear Chris . Existing in a strange new life …couldn’t have expressed it better myself
Hope you and the cat are cosy in bed together and that she is purring away …my two dogs are sleeping and snoring either side of me on the settee
Sending big hugs xxxx
I’m sure it must take a great deal of courage to contemplate doing those things that us men take for granted.
I suspect it’s a generational thing as one of daughters, in her early forties, gave me lots of tips for how to travel alone and deal with the practicalities. She is a historian and she travels all over to research things and attend meetings and seminars. Her husband doesn’t work and he brings the kids up. He said its easier when she is away.
Last time I was away there were a couple of women eating alone but this time just a few women in couples.
My daughter says she still finds it difficult, and often harder abroad. I actually find it difficult to be alone in a pub. I even wish I still smoked as a distraction. I suppose we construct all these barriers in our minds and then we act them out.
Thanks Romy, it makes all the difference to know someone is out there .
X Chris