Truly hope you tond a way to cope during the coming days, I know from your post that you lost your husband a year ago this month, I am now into 13.5 months, done days aren’t really bad other days dreadful. Cannot ser me getting off this rollercoaster existence for the present.
Truly hope you’re ok
Blessings
Jen ☆
Hi, I have a routine at bedtime and some of it might sound strange! I go to bed between 9.30 and 10 by which time I’m fed up sitting downstairs on my own. I make myself a cocoa, which was hard at first because I used to make one for Simon. I then play games on my pad, watch a programme called supernatural, which as you can imagine is a bit scary, but funny at times. Then I read the messages on here, next thing it is 1am. I use lavender on my pillow, Simon always used it and turn the light out. One of my dogs lays on Simons side and the other by the side of me, so I don’t feel so alone. It works for me, don’t know what that says about me, watching supernatural on my own at night!!! It is a programme we both liked. I then sleep until 8am. I stops me thinking too much. I am really sorry about the passing of Steve. I know how lonely it is. I am dreading the dark nights again. Message anytime.
Take care Janet xx
Hi Janet,
It doesn’t matter how strange it seems, if it works for you, it’s good.
We all have things we do now we wouldn’t have done but life isn’t normal now and we find ways of coping.
I’m often in bed by 8.30 with the radio, a book and my cat! Cocoa sounds really good; I could do with a treat,
X Chris
Hi Chris, thanks for the reply. For me routine is better. Definitely cocoa works, but I forgot I also have a couple of biscuits with it!
Just looked at my eye and a vein must have burst. Very attractive. I feel like I’m falling to bits!
Take care Chris, love Janet xx
Hi Janet
You be careful concreting the paving slabe dont hurt yourself ah!,
I did see a bit of the 15 year old at Wimbledon great ah! knocking out Venus. My Mike met Venus years ago as one year he drove the cars at Wimbledon and picked her up he said she was very nice.
I have been to the hairdressers today so at least my hair is shorter as it was getting on my nerves. My hair has been a bit flat since Mike died thing it is the fact I am run down.
Had to try and get a plumber as my hot tap in the bath wont move and the kitchen sink hot tap is a problem too. More problems to add to the list making about 48 now since Mike died. The plumber is coming next Friday so no bath for me for over a week!!! Terrible when you think I have an insurance but you still have to wait.
I also popped to the cemetery and Mike was put in the family plot with his mum and dad and I have to transfer it into my name before I can put a plaque on the stone.
I had to wait to get probate before they would transfer., more expense to transfer the names. I felt a bit low after visiting the grave and placing a plant on it so I popped to see a friend for a cuppa.
Sorry to hear you are a bit scared at night but can understand. Luckily you have your dogs. I don’t have any one.
Been a bit too hot for me today hope it is cooler tomorrow.
I have a man coming to fix blinds in my other flat and a man to value it in case I want to sell it.
Hope you have a good night and a nice day tomorrow let me know ah!
Look after yourself, dont go over doing things Love Suexxx
We all seem to hit problems when our partners become ill and then pass away. We decided to have a water meter fitted, my husband was in charge of all the bills etc so I never checked until I had to. I found I had a continuous flow on my water! With a £1000 bill. fortunately Thames water took pity on me and refunded my account. A year ago I would never have believed that I would have to sort out so many things and make so many decisions. On a bad day I think of all the things I have done, and try to be positive.
Hi Jen and thanks for thinking of me. Thursday the 11th July will be Iain’s anniversary and I’ve been feeling more than usually emotional and lonely these last few days with remembering how it was last year. I know I’m not the only one looking back on this time last year and hope everyone else too will be OK. Like you I’m all right some days and then some days it’s like a big black cloud has descended and all I can do is cry. It’s going to be really hard when my son goes away to live 100 miles away in a couple of weeks and I’m really dreading that. I’m wondering if this just goes on forever.
Love to you, Jacqi xx
Hi Sue, hope you feel better having your hair done. It just makes you feel better.
I’m still doing the slabs. It may take a while but it’s a bit therapeutic. I’m sitting down so my legs don’t ache. Mind you, getting up off a low stool is hard enough. I just don’t seem to have any strength in my legs to push myself up. Could be a bit embarrassing if I’ve got to call the neighbour to pick me! Simons dad came this morning for his cup of tea. He said how much he misses Simon, I said me too. He is always busy though, gardening for his neighbours, looking after people’s dogs. Not bad for a 80+ year old.
I’ve got to ring someone who collects scrap metal. I’ve got 2 radiators to get rid of. It’s just the effort of it all. I played with dogs in the garden tonight, but had to go in because I was remembering that me and Simon used to do that together with our other dogs. It got to me a bit. Plus the blood vessels in one of my eyes has burst. Looks like someone’s punched me! Very attractive! My body is falling apart!
Hope you sleep ok and have an unstressed day tomorrow (now today).
Take care love Janet xx
Dear Sheila I love it! Keep doing it . Made me laugh.
Love Sandra xx
Hi Janet
Sounds like you have been very busy what with the paving slabs etc. mind how you go ah!
Had my hair cut so hair feels a lot better now thank you.
I have had a lonely day today. Not seen a sole. My friends have their families etc so weekends are even lonelier than week days. You are lucky having dogs and
a garden . I am stuck in a flat. I went out to M and S and food shopping. I spend quite a lot on food cook stuff and don’t eat it. Hate eating on my own do you? I only eat when I am in company.
Sounds like you you got a bit down when you were playing with the dogs, so understandable. The low times are so hard ah!
I found it very hot last night sleeping did you? I just laid on top of the bed.
Just watching Federa he’s so good ah!
They have big screens and deck chairs all over Wimbledon high street so people can sit down and watch the tennis which is really good.
Oh well I will go and do my dinner and hope I can eat some of it.
Take good care Janet and try not to over do things ah!
Take Care Love Suexxx
Hi Sue
Sorry you have had a lonely day - I nearly sent you a message on the off chance of meeting for a coffee as I was at a loose end , could not find the energy to do anything and had had a really weepy morning. What set me off was signing a birthday card for a friend and for the first time I left Gary’s name off - that really hurt- I had added his name to a birthday card for my son a couple of weeks ago - which he understood but could not do that for a friend - completely different. It brings it all home and the tears just start again.
My daughter is out and about - as she should be and I could not face the 3 +hour round trip to my son in the car on my own as for some reason car journeys make me cry too - I think because he would always be in the passenger seat (not the safest) . They both offered to change their plans - but I have to learn to do this on my own - they need to lead their own lives. Instead I made plans to do the garden and have done absolutely nothing. Unlike you I do not like Wimbledon when it is so full of people - so avoid it - and have never been a tennis fan - quite a confession for someone who has lived in the centre and have lived only a mile outside of it for nearly 40 years. Have they called in Murrisons again - or not anymore as Andy is no longer in the mens singles?. Next time I will act on impulse and send you a text and we can perhaps do something together.
Take care and sending you a hug.
Trisha xx
Hi Trisha
Thank you ever so for the message so good to hear from you.
I was so sad to read how sad you have been today. Quite understandable!
If you ever get low please text me as we can have just a chat or a coffee we can always have a cry together or even a laugh hopefully. I was just feeling a bit sorry for myself just then when the phone went and it was a friend I met would you believe from the funeral directors When. I arrange Mike funeral I clicked straight away with the girl or should I say lady who dealt with things. We have become friends ever since.Just that phone call took me out of the feeling sorry for myself mood. I have been so lucky with people I have met since being on my own like yourself . thank you so much Trisha.
I was thinking of driving to the house tomorrow but am in two minds. It would be the first time I go on my own and then I think do I really want to drive there tomorrow.
Part of me says go the other part says don’t bother…
One of my headaches is selling my house, wish it would sell as I want to get a small house in town with a little garden so I can potter about.At least with a garden you can get out and get air in this flat you feel trapped.
Anyway Trisha a big hug to you hope you have a good night, take good care and speak soon Love Suexxx
Dear Sheila I’m back from York. Had a lovely time . It was my son, who came with me.
We had an amazing time , visited all the places Phil and I I loved.
It’s such a vibrant city, always something going on.
Got upset many times. The familiar places the buskers singing certain songs.
Then coming home yesterday and now it’s just me again but I’m free to tell him all about it now.
It’s a bitter sweet experience but I will keep going to our haunts.
Have cried a lot because the 12 month anniversary is thursday 18th.
Will have to do something on that day and just keep reminding myself that hes not suffering anymore…
You’ve been busy painting. We had the house painted before Phil died but I have some wrought iron railings that could do with touching up.
Something else to keep me busy.
How selfish of them to send you a photo instead of an invite. Keep spending your money Sheila and do the same send them the pics
Love Sandra xx
Hi Sue,
I think I overdid working on the slabs! Come Friday afternoon I felt lousy. So tired, that I fell asleep. I didn’t do any of it today. Simons dad very kindly to me to b&q to get some more blades for my mower and then decided to go to three different garden centres too. He even bought me a plant. It was a bittersweet day as we went to places that me and Simon used to go. We talked about him and how similar Simon and his dad was. They were both landscape gardeners. But when i got home I felt very down and angry because Simon wasn’t with me and won’t be again. Does that make me sound selfish because I was grateful to his dad?
Simon used to do the cooking, he was better than me!! I did the dishwasher! I buy things to eat but end up not eating it and throwing it away. I have the shopping delivered as I don’t drive. Trying to think what to eat is a pain. Mostly it’s salad.
Yep it was really hot! I’ve got two fans going in the bedroom and it’s still too hot!
I’ve got my counsellor Monday and I was feeling ok until Friday afternoon.
Where I used to work, there was a big screen just outside but some stupid people put trees in front so we couldn’t see it from the shop! So thoughtless! I actually watched a doubles match, which I don’t usually. Wish I had their energy that’s for sure.
Well time to turn the light off and try to sleep!
Take care Sue, love Janet xx
Yes I too will do my best to avoid places that would only remind me of the places me and my Richard once went to, otherwise it would only start me off crying that I am going there this time without him by my side…
Guess we all have varying ways of dealing with our losses, what works for one may not work for another, we each do what is right for us as we sail through what is left of this life of uncertainty…
Jackie…
I Sheila I do read your posts, I can’t believe your sons are so selfish, not to include you on their trip, and to send you a text showing where they are ! How insensitive of them. I really don’t know what to say, to comfort you, I see you do try to get out and about, it’s difficult on your own isn’t it. You’re make the effort to get your hair done, good on you, I too look for jobs to do on our house, mainly in the garden now, like you we had all the major jobs done before my darling hubby passed away. My neighbour commented to me, how he noticed my hubby was anxious to get jobs done on our house, he must have known he wouldn’t be with me too long. So sad. But my neighbour also said plan the night before what you want to do tomorrow, so you don’t get messy with the day doing nothing. I’ve taken this on board. Went out yesterday to town met my son, treated me to coffee and went back to his house for a few hours took my granddaughter out, she’s only 16 months so they could get some jobs done. Didn’t out stay my welcome, caught the bus back home, started getting upset on the bus, couldn’t wait to get home, to have a good cry. Total meltdown, trying to be upbeat when in company, but my heart is breaking inside. Going to do some fence painting today so I’ll get my glad rags on. Need to get out of bed first. So hard being on your own, nothing seems to matter, hugs to you Sheila x
Dear Sue
Thank you - next time I definitely will text you. I am pleased you felt better after the phone call from your friend. Talking on the phone is good and I do lots of it - believe me! But I am most definitely a chatter and unlike most men - so was Gary.
My friend asked me round for birthday cake and coffee later and that too made me feel better. My daughter’s friend is coming round today - so I will cook some lunch for us all later - she stayed with us for about 9 months in total when doing work experience in London. She is a lovely girl and I am extremely fond of her so it will be so nice to see her. Gary loved cooking for her as she was always so appreciative of his dinners - so there will definitely be a few tears today. I think we may end up with another of Hannah’s uni friends occupying our spare room for a while too when he finishes uni and is looking for a job in London. I really do not mind the more the merrier if it is up to me. Gary and I have always had people stay with us - it has always been open house from the time we first lived together - even when we lived in a one bedroom flat - there was quite often someone staying on the sofa!
Hannah stayed at another friend’s house last night - which I was happy about as I did not have to worry about her coming home on the tube.
Have you decided whether you are going to your house today? I can understand how the drive puts you off. I am still not sure if I am going to sell our apartment in Devon - it is such a long journey on your own but Gary loved it so much and our plan was to spend a month or two at a time there when I retired. May sell it and buy something on the south coast instead … but not going to make a decision yet so am putting it nto that drawer in my brain and shutting it until I can.
I can understand how worrying it is to have this hanging over your head and making all these decisions on our own is difficult. Even if it was us that usually made the decision (well in our case) - you miss the discussion and the confirmation that you are doing the right thing.
Take care and let me know how you get on.
Sending a hug or two
Trisha xx
Know that feeling, what is to become of me. Sundays are always difficult and this morning the dread descended and I don’t want to do anything.
Sorry to winge and not help but not much to offer today,
X C
Morning Janet
I thought you may over do things with the slabs, take care ah!
Sounds like you had a nice day with Simon’s father. You are lucky having family and people near you.
Had rain in the night but just trying to brighten up. Wasn’t going to go out today but sitting here feel I should as don’t want another day totally on my own so going to the shops may help.
I could do with getting the hoover out as can’t remember when I last hoovered as haven’t been in the mood.
You seem to be able to get on with doing jobs whereas i find it hard to work up enthusiasm. I never use to be a lazy person.
I hope one day I snap out of this feeling and get on with life but cant at the moment.
Anyway Janet have a good Sunday take care Love Suexxx
Hi Sue,
I did have a nice time with Simons dad, but the memories it brought back was hard. It should have been me and Simon. I know what you mean about the hoovering. My dogs have been helping me the shredding! Bits of paper everywhere! But I can’t be bothered. I am so fed up feeling this way. Last week I was ok until Friday. I know it’s normal having feelings go up and down, but I don’t like it. Sorry to be on such a downer! I hope you manage to go out in the sun.
Anyway enough moaning. Take care, love Janet xx