I am so, so sorry for you Michelle and for your little boy losing his daddy. You’re right it isn’t fair and there is nothing anyone can do or say to make your suffering easier. But you’re not suffering alone, we’re all with you. This forum has been a lifeline for me and I have said more to everyone on here than to any of my friends and family, because you’re the ones who understand. So keep using this forum Michelle because we need to talk about our loved ones. My heart goes out to you. Sending you a big hug. Xxx
Hi
No it’s not fair.
My wife died 10 weeks ago today at 51 it’s so not fair.
I too want to talk about her to anyone who will listen but I’m finding when I do people look like they are fed up listening. It’s as if I should be over it by now.
Keep talking to your little one it will help both of you.
Take care
William
So true Jim! I cry walking in the shops, I cry and wail in the car, etc. It’s nice to know I am not alone in that aspect. I don’t see other people crying in public. And, never noticed other people crying. I am going to be on the lookout in the future in hopes that I can help someone as you have all helped me. I find these threads very comforting. Many thanks to all of you…hugs and support to you Jim.
Ah thank u so much for ur replies … I feel the same especially with family … I find my self trying to get him into the conversation… and I to get those looks … like they are thinking ok we have heard it now … my little boy is better today and he enjoyed adding things to the memory box … my little girl is 4 Scarlett she is much stronger … she caught me watching a documentary on the Grenfel tower … she said to me … see mummy it’s not just our daddy gone up the sky … all those people and a baby did so we are lucky … what an amazing little girl to look at the fact we have each other at just 4 … we have not scattered his ashes yet … I’m so scared to make the wrong decision… he worked on the wind farms at sea … so maybe that’s an idea … the little ones call them angel flakes … I don’t want to let them go … hugs back to u all xxx
Michelle, I am so sorry to hear about your husband. So young the two of you! I can’t imagine having young children to cope with their feelings…but…I will say that children tell it like it is. your daughter sounds such a beautiful soul! I was with an 8 year old the other day and I started to cry. I didn’t want to upset her so just told her this happens from time to time. And she says, ‘of course it does, you miss Bill. You need to feel your feelings!’ WOW. Too bad more adults can’t handle it like her. I am starting to be selective in who I speak to. This is a great place to share. We will listen. We understand the heartache. I have also been attending a local hospice bereavement support group, That has been very helpful. My heart goes out to you. Bless you and your two children. K xxx
Then don’t let them go Michelle. Hang on to his ashes, there’s no hurry. A friend of mine keeps her husband’s ashes in her bedroom and she gets great comfort from them. Don’t rush to do anything. Lots of love to you. Xxxx
Michelle don’t rush into scattering your husbands ashes I have kept my Debs ashes in a 2 lovely containers one in the bedroom and the other in a cabin I built for Deb as she wanted to start doing her painting again I had just finished it when she passed away without ever going in it. We had a large family and friends party to remember her and had a momento board for friends to write on with her on the shelf
I go in there to talk to her and find it very therapeutic so don’t rush
Thank u so much for all of your replies it really does mean so much to me I can’t tell u … thank u for ur advice ur right there’s no rush until I’m ready I wouldn’t want to regret my decision… I told my little ones that the flakes are from the hospital and we send them to the angles when we are ready … I’m so sorry I don’t have great advice to give to u all like u have me … it’s been a hard week going back to school it was Scarlett’s first week and there were so many people staring … if one more person tells me that I’m young and I will meet someone else I will scream … they just don’t understand I wanted to grow old with my husband … I couldn’t care if I never ever get into a relationship I have my babies and my memories I don’t want an alternative…I feel ur pain even more … yes u had longer but u loved longer and that must be even worse… to lose ur soul mates … from the advice u have given me and the time and support u have given others … the people u have lost must be extremely proud …x
Some people are so insensitive, what a ridiculous thing to say to you. One of the first things said to me was “will you stay in this house?” Again, a ridiculous thing to say. It’s my home, our home, why would I want to leave it. It’s the home we built together, it’s where I feel close to my husband. Like you Michelle, I thought we would grow old together but if anyone had said about me finding someone else I think I may have punched them. I’m sorry you’ve had to hear such stupid remarks from stupid people, oh it makes me so angry. It must be very difficult for you trying to grieve whilst caring for your two wonderful children. Take care Michelle. Sending you a big hug and 2 for your babies…xxx
Hi Michelle it’s nice to be able to offer advice because we are all in the same boat and all learning how to get through what is the worst time of our lives
Thank you for your kind words we married as teenagers and October 7 would have been our 46th anniversary and I miss her so much
Wow 46 years what a wonderful life u must have had and so many wonderful memories … I also dreamt of having a marriage like urs first love … we got to 8 years … my husband worked hard for me and my kids and rarely had any time to him self … his mother got diagnosed terminal and he lost his sister of 28 two years ago … he passed away the week of the World Cup … he went out and collapsed after drinking … he was hospitalised twice in the same week fri and Saturday night … completely out of the blue … I rang the hospital both nights and told them how worried I was for his state of mind and that he was not just a drunk that had come off the streets… he was family man a worker … I told them of his depressive state … and said it was unusual . They released him . Only for him to be hospitalised for a 2nd time the night after … again I begged and pleaded for them to help this was Saturday night they didn’t listen again … they let him out and Sunday morning his heart stopped and he died metres from our home … I got the knock on the door and I knew he was gone … I’m so sorry for going into details … I know so many of u will have lost ur loved ones to indiscriminate disease and so on … like I did with my mum cancer … she was 60 … but I’m so angry no one helped us … he was not an alcoholic or a thug just a normal family man … we would be in bed most nights at 8 watching Corrie lol … something was wrong and he needed help … and now it’s to late
Hi
I find the support here invaluable. Everyone understands and cares. The outside world is not always so good.
I hate it too when people are so insensitive. I had someone come up to me at the funeral, say how sorry they were, followed by “remember we all have to die”. Just what I wanted to hear. Another comment was when I was talking about going back to B’ham they said, well that’s a good idea, you’ll have a better chance of finding a new man!!! I just stared and said, why would I want that, I’ve got my man and always will. The other things relate to people saying they will support you and then not being in touch. Why say anything? It’s just hurtful. Its certainly true that at times like this we find out who our true friends are. They don’t push you, they give support and love and are always there for us. Just like everyone here. Thank you. Xxxx
Michelle it helps let your feelings out and tell people how you really feel my wife was only meant to be in hospital for a week I saw her on Sunday and she was a bit drowsy and saying she wanted to come home and I said don’t be daft your in hospital the best place to be and nobody said there was a problem I was working 50 miles away the Monday with my son when I got a phone call saying I had better get to the hospital as she was dying I rang my other son and got him to go straight to the hospital he got there 20 mins later and she had already passed away I think that someone had not checked on her earlier and if they were worried why didn’t someone tell me on Sunday I’ve told other people this and they said why didn’t I make a fuss about it the thing is you are in total shock and you have so many things to do I just wasn’t thinking straight and nothing was going to bring her back. Hugs to you and your lovely children
I don’t think my husband should have died the way he died. I think the nurses let him down and didn’t notice he was suffering. I noticed something was wrong on the Saturday but thought it was part of his stroke…it wasn’t. When I came back on Sunday he was well out of it and tossing and turning and not responsive. The nurse just said he wasn’t his normal patient…as if that excused him from getting help for my husband. In just a few hours it all went downhill and he was on palliative care. They said he would die within a half hour. It took him 4 days. It was purgatory. I have a hard time coping with those memories. I was there for him…I was there to love him and I know he loved me. It’s hell we are going through. Thank you all for sharing your stories. I feel understood. My you all find some peace here too. My heart goes out to all of you who have shared and who are suffering this terrible loss and pain. Love k xx
I just think that the hospitals are so short staffed that the care is not there like it used to be I had a major heart operation 6 years ago and the care and attention I got was 2nd to none and I sang the praises of the hospitals but it just does not seem the same now they all seem so busy