I am devastated by the loss of my husband on July 4th. My husband was English and I am American. I do and have seen the funny side of him dying on Independence Day. Gives me new meaning to Independence. I have no family here. My friends gathered around the very first week and that’s it. Nothing. I have even been asked, What’s wrong? I feel as lost as ever. No husband and no friends. Only guilty conscious excuses and/or suggestions and advice. Ugh! I feel so alone. The pain can be unbearable at times. Luckily it does pass BUT it is so deep and so strong. Sometimes I just want to collapse on the floor of the grocery store and have someone rescue me and take care of me. Yes, I know it won’t be like this forever and it will change. I just don’t know how to handle the intensity of the emotions. I just want someone to hold my hand, give me a hug, share a moment. My best friend used to do that…but he is gone. Feeling so lost.
Hi
I’m sending you a big virtual hug. I know how you are feeling. I lost my lovely husband suddenly on the 2nd July. Can’t vrlueve it’s 2 months. He was my best friend, my soul mate. He died of a sudden heart attack and cardiac arrest in the gym whilst I was swimming next door. Never came around. I’m like you. The pain is so intense. My family and friends are 220 miles away as we had moved to the coast 4 years ago. We travelled a lot so I feel so alone here. I’m 58, so was Carl. No children.
I will move but don’t feel strong enough with all these emotions, together with not eating or sleeping very well. I’m like you. It’s that contact we want. Someone just to take care of us and say you’ll be ok. And yes some days aren’t as bad but there’s that underlying loneliness linked to missing our best friend that is so painful. I’ll be thinking of you. Lots of love
Xxx
Hi
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my wife on 2nd of july she was 51 and I am 52 and I feel totally lost.
I have three wonderful children and a new baby granddaughter that Margaret never got to meet. I have good friends and other family supporting me but nothing prepares you for the loneliness when you close your door last thing at night go to a cold empty bed with no one to talk to or wake up beside. The pain and longing is awful.
So please dont think you are alone we are all struggling in this awful nightmare.
please take care
William
Oh L…how horrific! I am returning your hug. I am 58 too. Bill and I had a huge age gap. he was a very young at heart 80. He suffered from many conditions these last 7 years, but, what got him was a stroke and a chest infection which caused him to vomit and aspirate. Ugh! I was in California at the time visiting my family as my father died on June 3. I came home early to be with him. It’s all been too much. We moved away from our friends too. It’s so isolating. I am so tired of people telling what to do or how to do it. It’s as if I need to take care of their guilt. It’s strange. I am grateful for this website. I hope we can offer each other some comfort. I still find it shocking he won’t be sitting with me on the couch. Thinking of you and sending you lots of love,
K xx
Thank you William. I am so sorry you lost your best friend too! No one prepares you for the gravity of this pain. I was also not prepared for my friends to disappear. My husband always said i ‘did Too much’. Guess he was right. I don’t have any children and find that difficult to not be able to grieve with someone who loved him as much as me. Bill had three sons and they have cut me out completely. No surprise, but, still painful. There is a huge loss of identity as well. Thank you for sharing and thank you for listening.
Enjoy your granddaughter.
K x
I’m holding your hand, I’m giving you a hug and I’m sharing a moment - we all are because we’re the ones who can truly understand how you’re feeling. It’s over 14 months since I lost my husband and I still feel lost. However and in the words of the Queen Mother ‘it doesn’t get any better, you just get better at it!’ Her words are true - I have got better at it - all we can do is keep keeping on with this life we neither wanted nor asked for. Much love xx
Dear Kate…I am so sorry for your loss too. It’s more painful then I could have ever imagined. It’s good to know you are getting ‘better’ at it. And you are absolutely right in saying we neither wanted or asked for this to happen. Thank you for reaching out. Big hug back to you All the best, K xx
I lost my Deb quite suddenly 5 months ago today and I am lucky I have my 2 sons at home the eldest came back after he was diagnosed with cancer after he came back for the funeral and looked so I’ll we made him go to the doctor luckily he is responding to treatment very well I also have my 2 grandchildren close by in fact I had them staying last night and I have supportive friends but I still feel so lonely especially in the evening and at weekends I didn’t realise how much we talked we were so on the same wavelength and just the touch of her. It’s the female companionship I miss the kids have just gone and I am sat here typing this with tears running down my face. It must be so much more difficult for you no supportive friends and no family send you my love
Jim
Oh Jim, I am so sorry you lost your Deb and that your son has been diagnosed with cancer. I am glad he is responding to treatment. I have just never felt so much pain or dispair. At times my crying sounds like an animal. And perhaps what I need to understand is that it doesn’t matter if there is family near or far or friends, this is just the way it is going to be. I have benefited so much from everyone’s post and messages. Thank you for reaching out. Sending your big hugs, K xx
Hi K it’s good to be able to talk with other people who are in the same situation because until it happens you do not know how much it hurts the pain in my heart I can feel is real now I know where the broken heart comes from
I cry and shout when I’m on my own but try to put a brave face on when with other people It’s lovely talking someone in the same situation x
Let the tears flow Jim. We’re all right here with you. We’re holding your hand too, we’re giving you a hug and sharing your moment just as kmt said. Much love. X
Hello KimT
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I too lost my husband 6 weeks ago and I understand what you say about the unbearable pain and it being deep and strong.
I have felt pain in the past but never anything like this it’s indescribable. I know people say that you learn to manage the pain and loss better with time but I can’t imagine that happening. I’m lucky people do give me a hug but they mean nothing to me I only want my precious husband and a hug from him. Please accept the love and hug that I send you and I wish you well
Denise x
Hello KimT
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I too lost my husband 6 weeks ago and I understand what you say about the unbearable pain and it being deep and strong.
I have felt pain in the past but never anything like this it’s indescribable. I know people say that you learn to manage the pain and loss better with time but I can’t imagine that happening. I’m lucky people do give me a hug but they mean nothing to me I only want my precious husband and a hug from him. Please accept the love and hug that I send you and I wish you well
Denise x
I also lost my husband 6 weeks ago and I agree no one can know the pain of losing a greatly loved partner. I long to hug him more than I can say. Friends and my children hug me but sadly it does no good. I feel so sad and in pain I wish someone would come and look after me, leaving me to quietly grieve with no responsibilities
Denise, I am so sorry you have also lost your husband. I hope you can find some comfort from these threads. There is just nothing to help ease this pain as it goes soooo deep. Since sharing my feelings, I have found some peace of knowing I am not alone. I am sending you a big hug and lots of strength to get through each day. K x
OMG Toria…I have felt the exact thing. I was walking through a small shopping precinct and all i wanted to do was to collaspse to the ground and have everyone come rushing over to me so they could take care of me. Do you have a close friend or someone from the family who can look after you for a while? It really is OK to fall apart. Sending you loads of hugs. K x
Hi KmT I have two wonderful grown children who have their own homes nearby but I want them to get on with their lives They are supportive but I now live alone without Peter and absolutely hate it. Even if I make the effort to meet up with friends I find driving home alone in the dark to my empty home very daunting…The bottom line is, like all of us on this site ,I just want my beloved husband back to hug or sit in comfortable silence with. I am jjust watching a concert on tv, which he would have loved and we may even have had a little dance around .My new normal life is empty of any joy . Luv to a.l of you ?
Toria, I’m the same. I hate putting the key in the door and not hearing Carl calling to me or coming to the door to see me. Not having him chat to me as we sit together and have our talk about the tv programmes we watched. It’s all so horribly different. Having to think about a new life we don’t want when all we want is the old life back. I miss him so much. The pain as everyone describes is like nothing we have ever experienced and people don’t understand what we mean. This churning aching pain that makes us feel like our heart is being twisted is unbearable. Mornings are worst for me as I think another day has to be endured. Lots of love and hugs to everyone.
Xxx
When I’m driving is often when I cry. The tears will flow uncontrollably. My husband loved driving and I loved sitting beside him in the car. I would often rest my hand at the back of his head. When his hand was on the gear stick i would place mine on top. It’s one of the things I miss most, just being in the car together, just me and him. Xxxx
Ah that made me so sad reading your post about the car is used to do the same … my family used to make fun of me because every time we said goodbye we always said I live u miss u … every time even on the phone if I was a 60 sec call … it’s been 8 weeks now … I still can’t stop crying feel like I’m boring every one … because I just want to constantly talk about him … how is it fair at 36 I’m alone … going through this … all of us on here sound like we had wonderful marriages why us it’s not fair at all … my little boy asked can he speak to daddy on the phone while he is in heaven