Lost my mother and best friend

Hi my name is Tracey,I lost my lovely mother and best friend in May. I have never felt so lonely. I was with her every day looking after her she had dementia and cancer. Mum was my whole world,my reason to get up in the morning because she needed me.Now when I go out its a problem for me as I’m so use to taking her every where in the wheel chair and now it’s just me on my own. It doesn’t take much for the tears to come as the smallest thing will upset me I see someone else with a wheel chair and think that should be me pushing my lovely mother. I feel guilty that she’s missing things she use to enjoy. I use to take her to town for food and now when I go it’s just me and town is always busy with families and couples and it makes me so sad and jealous so as soon as I get to town I do what I need to do then get out of there back home. I’m not sure I’ll ever get through life without her she was my constant companion. With her illness she use to moan a lot now I wish she was here to moan I miss that so much.She liked to sit at her window waving at people and watching the birds/squirrels and singing. I go to bereavement counselling and it’s helps while I’m there then I feel sad again when I’m back home. I work partime in a school and they’ve broke up for the summer so won’t see anyone much till Sept. There is times when I don’t want anyone near me anyway I just can’t understand it really I feel like there’s a constant dark cloud following me around and don’t know what I want to do in life any more,I have tried applying for more work no reply there so far. I guess I’ll just keep trying as I need a focus in life I can’t just keep dwelling on what would have been. Anyone else feel like this not knowing which direction to go in life? People say time is a great healer and your mum wouldn’t want you to be sad I guess they are right.I can’t see light at the end of the tunnel right now. I should be happy going to be a nan again soon but I’m really not happy and don’t feel excited about anything any more just lost in my own world and every day seems so hard to get through. Some nights I go to bed and just cry.Wondering when I will feel happy again. So sad right now how does everyone else cope is there a way ?

Hi I lost my mum may too I feel so lonely lost its so hard

Hi, You have my deepest sympathy. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever had to cope with and I don’t see me ever feeling happy again.Although people always say you will time is a healer etc.Heard it all before and it’s not really helping. Just feel lost and guilty that I’m here and she’s not.I just want to reach out and hug her. How old was your mum ?My mum was 81.With her health as it was it was never looking great for her but still a shock to us all when it happened.