Lost my mother near 3 weeks

Hey,I’m 32 years old and the world I knew on the 4th November drastically changed,my mum had died of a short illness with cancer …she didn’t have it long,only recently diagnosed in the summer,she had her operation and was waiting to receive radiotherapy so we thought all was well until she fell ill again.Turned out the cancer had spread to her lungs,she was only in hospital a week and then she sadly passed away,she was only 67…I just feel so lost and devastated,I myself struggle with depression basically all my life and I just don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. I feel an emptiness inside of me,what is a child to do without their mother…

If anyone has any advice I would be forever grateful,at this moment in time I’m not in a good place mentally…Thank you

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Hi Emma, I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s such a difficult and painful time and I can’t imagine how you must be feeling.

I’m 28 and lost my mum in August. I remember the pain in the first few weeks was unbearable and I remember saying that I could not go on feeling like this. However, the pain does ease. Or rather it becomes easier to bear. Go easy on yourself and remember you won’t feel like this forever.

Also reach out to family or friends, or bereavement services like Cruse if you need additional support. Sending hugs your way.

Hi Emma,

My Mum died on the same day as yours so I thought I would write as we travel this path from the same date. I think you just need to be gentle to yourself. Nothing feels right for now and for me I can hardly believe yet that I won’t see her again.

You are very young to lose your Mum so my heart goes out to you as it will seem like a lot of life is still to be lived but without her to guide you and that is really hard. It’s not something you are going to come to terms with in a matter of weeks.

I hope you have some good friends and other family to talk to and support you. Try not to be too hard on yourself if you feel you are not coping, it’s really early days. Let’s hope it starts to feel easier in time. Big love.

I’m so sorry, today is the 4 year anniversary of my mum passing from cancer.
Everything you feel right now must feel so raw, I felt so wounded when I lost my mum.
Please go easy on yourself, it’s easy to turn self destructive - I know I did for a while. Being gentle, kind and patient with yourself is the best thing you can do.
You’re allowed to sit and sob and feel lost, but you’re also allowed to eat, laugh at something on TV…
My advice would be to remember to eat (even if its just a bag of crisps)
If you need a friend my inbox is open

Thank you,atm it still doesn’t feel real. Just like she’s away for a few days or she’s up in her room but then when I actually think about the daunting feeling comes back. It feels weird but today I felt her presence like the last couple of weeks hadn’t happened but suppose you will get days like that.
Thank you for your kind words, I know it’ll take time but to help me sleep at night I let on she’s already in bed sleeping so I can sleep… I hope your well thank you again

Hi, thank you for your kind reply… I’m sorry to hear of your mums passing also, there’s no words really to say to comfort someone who has lost someone, only words of Hope and Love.
For me it doesn’t seem real, like the last few weeks have all but been a blare. I know I’ll never see her again in this life but it brings me comfort that I will see her again and she is waiting for me just like your mum is waiting for you.
Yeah even though I’m 32 I still feel like I’m in my twenties,I do feel robbed that she was took from me at a young age,I am around the same as my mum when her own mother died but it’s just hard to imagine that she’ll not see all the things that are ahead of me and that’s heartbreaking to know…
I hope you are well and look after yourself !

Hello,I am sorry to hear about the loss of your mum especially at a very young age. How are you?
It is very raw atm like the last couple of weeks have went by in a blare and it was all just a dream.
Yeah tv does help distract the mind from wondering and the phone is a good distraction. I seem to have got my appetite back after the last couple of weeks but I also feel like I’m eating my feelings!

Thank you for you’re kind words and advice

Hi Emma. I feel exactly the same. My mother died from lung cancer on the 2nd November aged 73. She deteriorated massively in two weeks. I’m 43 and struggling not to feel like a lost child, It’s like a massive light has been turned off and it’s really dark. My thoughts are with you.
Kieran

Ps, yes I agree Completely that it doesn’t feel real. That she is just away like you say. I saw my mother’s coat today in the bag that I took from the hospital and that got me. X

Hi. I can relate to your story so felt like I should reply. I lost my mother at 60 just under 3 weeks ago, I’ve just turned 31. It’s been a huge shock, she went from walking miles to gone 6 weeks later. Nothing prepares you for loosing your mother. She was in a hospice for 2 weeks as became too unwell for chemo and even though I spent every day by her side, when she went I felt like it was still unexpected and in shock. We were still digesting her diagnosis let alone anything else.
The first week I felt able to deal with it as the memories of her so unwell were fresh and raw. But now all I think about it my mother fit and well, walking my dogs for me. The pain can become unbearable and everything I do reminds me of her. Her funeral is on Friday and I’ve been trying my best to make sure it is perfect for her but as an only child I’ve put way too much pressure on myself and I’ve really struggled this week. I feel so low and the light has truly gone in my life now she isn’t here. I know she’d hate to see me upset but it shakes me to the core I will never see her, hug her, touch her, speak to her again. They say time heals but I can’t think of the next hour at the moment let alone the future.

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I am so sorry for your recent and heartbreaking loss. My heart truly goes out to you and every word you have written I can associate with… can i say well done to you for finding the strength to arrange what I am sure will be a beautiful send off for your mother. I am in the process of losing my mummy and the thought that I am on borrowed time with her is a real struggle . I am spending as much time as I can by her bedside, she is not awake very much at all now and when she is I don t think she has an awareness of me anymore due to dementia etc but the thought of never seeing her face again or holding her hand is breaking me… I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling and time will allow you to manage the grief , so they say. . Try to take comfort in all the memories and lessons she has taught you and things you do that she probably did too. Our parents live on through us. I hope Friday goes well and you find the strength to get through it. God bless. Xx

Sof289
As an only child aswell I can relate to every thing you have said. I am sorry for your loss and can identify with the pain. Your mother was young at 60 and so you must understandably be in shock. X

Thanks both for your replies. I have totally different emotions almost every hour. One hour im sad, then im inconsolable, then I feel numb. Grief is strange and can’t be explained unless your experience it first hand. I feel very much that my mother was robbed of many years ahead of her, it’s a terrible thing cancer and I find myself angry at those still have theirs. I hope this goes in time as it’s not like me.

A few days towards the end my mother wasn’t awake much but we still talked to one another around her, general chit chat and memories. When I realised things were changing I put her favourite music on and sang along as much as I could do there wouldn’t be silence. They said they can hear. Only on the very last day did I say all my goodbyes and anything I needed to get off my chest, which to be honest I’d already tell her I loved her a million times. Don’t make yourself ill being there every moment of the day, your mother wouldn’t want that and she will go when she’s ready, I am a firm believer they go on their own time. Really sorry your going through this, I know exactly how your feeling and it’s scary as hell helplessly watching them whither away with nothing you can do. Just make sure she feels safe and secure and comfortable x

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