I Lost my mother on 30th April and as an only child (58) I have been on auto pilot in making the arrangements. I feel strong but dont know for how much longer.
2 Likes
Hi @steveD,
I’m Seaneen, the Online Community Manager. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. I am glad you have found us and hope you find the community to be a support.
I wanted to just link you to our Losing a Parent topic: https://community.sueryder.org/c/losing-a-parent/14 If you have a read of some of the threads, you can see that many of our members have been where you are now. I think many of our users will identify with your feelings of being on autopilot, and just trying to get through making the arrangements.
Thanks again for joining us and reaching out - please know you’re not alone.
Take care
Seaneen
1 Like
Hello SteveD I’m so sorry to read that you’ve lost your Mum but pleased that you’ve somehow managed to navigate your way on to here, you’ve come to the right place. There are so many lovely people on here that know what you are going through. I know the heartache of losing a Mum as mine passed away 6 months ago, I’m 47. At the moment it’s still so raw and you’ll no doubt be feeling so numb. I’m no expert at this but I have found that there’s no straight line with my grief but one thing I would say is don’t try and do all the admin stuff at once and straight away. Take your time, there’s no rush to do it all. For example, I’ve only just closed my Mum’s bank account. It’s the small things that feel the toughest so just do things on your list in your own time at your own pace. You’ve enough to contend with arranging her celebration.
I’m not an only child, I have an older brother but everything was left to me before she passed and after. I’m not complaining it’s just how it is. Having siblings is not always the blessing you might think it will be. Do you have any friends or family you can talk to? Please know we are all here for you at any time, we get it. Sending you compassionate thoughts x
1 Like
Hi Steve,
I’m really sorry to read about your loss. I hope you are doing as okay as possible right now.
Please be kind to yourself. As Sal46 said, it’s still very raw.
I lost my Mum in early April and with no siblings I made all the funeral arrangements too. It felt very unreal and I think I was in shock to be honest. /
Reading other people’s experiences with grief on the boards showed me there is a community that understands. People are experiencing their own loss but reach out to each other.
I’ve found that bereavement telephone support helplines are worth exploring e.g. Cruse. I live alone, and talking about Mum out loud helps me to process my thoughts and feelings.
Anyway, take care and I hope you find the boards here a support.
Stephen
3 Likes
It’s so important to keep talking, I completely agree, it can feel such a dark place. I’m like you Moomin I need to talk. I understand that some don’t but personally, I love taking about my Mum and her life. What I’ve come to realise is that no two journeys of grief are the same, I think grief is like fingerprint. Almost unique to that person.
I too felt shock whilst arranging the funeral, a feeling of numbness. I look back and don’t know how I did it. At one of the worst moments of your life you’re suddenly thrust into arranging an ‘event’. They’d want us to keep smiling and live our best lives I’m sure but it’s certainly tough to do that without them.
1 Like
That’s the same as me. We do what we can to honour them and to fulfil their legacy - but it’s so tough.
I like to talk to know where I am and how I’m processing things. It keeps our Mums alive too doesn’t it?
Take care
Stephen
It certainly does help and yes it does help to keep them alive. I miss her so much. I still feel like she is sitting at home and some days I can’t quite understand why I’ve got a lot of her stuff in my home, even after everything that has happened. I’m also petrified she’s going to become a distant memory. Mind you, I feel quite scared of everything right now. Life looks totally different from this angle.
1 Like
I also feel quite scared too. Everything has changed and not for the better.
Look after yourself.
Stephen x
2 Likes
@Moomin @Sal46 your mums will be looking down on you and smiling with pride at how you have managed with all the paperwork and celebrating their lives through the shock and turmoil of emotions you are strong brave people.
I still often say oh mum wish you were here fior a hug and some motherly advice. I always say goodnight to her photo as I pass it on the way to bed. Life is hard and strange without them, I have found this so when my husband died 14 weeks ago I really needed her.
I’m starting a new chapter in my life without my husband, I speak aloud to him and text him and read it out loud and I’ve realised my heart is heavy because he is in there with me so I’m slowly getting back to living my life for both of us and know he will be looking down smiling proudly at me managing another day, just like your mums will be with you.
Take care
Hi Griff,
Thanks for your lovely message. It’s so sad that we have lost the people we care so much for. I agree, that life is really hard and strange without them. Not something I will come to terms with.
I’m sure your husband would be so proud of you. Particularly, as you have reached out to help others while you are going through your own grief.
Big hugs and thank you
Stephen
Hello everyone, I have had a difficult time since my mum passing, had the cremation on Thursday and it all went of very well could not believe the amount of people there it showed how much mum was loved. I even had cousins turn up after we had a falling out 2 out of the 3 said that i did mum proud and that was touching.
So thank you all for your words and I think now that i can start to grieve as I had to stay together as I was the only son.
1 Like