Lost my mum and feeling so alone

I lost my Mum in December and just can’t get over it. Since the funeral the phone calls have stopped which is understandable but even my close family seem not to keep in contact.

I’m an only child and lost my dad over 30 years ago. I’m retired and I just find myself staring into space and bursting into tears for no apparent reason. The saddest thing is that in the past I could just pick up the phone and phone my Mum but that is no longer an option.

I’ve been told it gets easier but I’m not so sure as I’ve never really got over losing my Dad so many years ago either.

Everything else just seems pointless now.

So sorry to read about your loss, I lost my mother in October, my father 9 years ago. It’s very hard, I understand about the phone calls, losing that contact is so final. I sit, like you, at the times when mum would phone and feel heartbroken, I miss her visits, planning for them, visiting her, all of it. After my dad died the grieving was on hold as I had to make sure my mother was ok, now its seems all of the memories are coming at once. I dont think there is a timeline for grief to ease, but it that it does take its own time to happen. Keeping busy, going out for a walk, doing or finding a new hobby to take your thoughts somewhere else for a while seems to help, its early days. best wishes.

So sorry to hear about your mum, my mother passed away last month and it’s still very early days We will have good days and bad days. I know what you mean about the phone calls I have a big family and we were all in contact with each other for a couple of weeks but now hardly hear from anyone.My father is nearly 90 and he knew my mum for 74 years so I need now to concentrate on him coping with the grief of losing his wife.I too find myself just crying a few times a day, But we have to accept that death is part of Life.Take each day as it comes and hopefully we will get through this.

I think a lot of people notice how the phone calls stop after the funeral and that is the time we need the support!
On first losing a loved one there is so much to arrange and organise you don’t have time to think.
I agree with Alicia keep busy! I don’t want to do anything but im really pushing myself to keep busy!
I feel everything is pointless too so im doing it for my husband as I know he would be annoyed with me if I didn’t carry on!
Our two dogs give me a purpose to get out walking this helps too!
Best Wishes x

Its still very early days Paul and whilst I don`t agree it gets easier at the moment (I lost my Mum last August) it gets less overwhelming. The best advice I can give you is to just go with how you are feeling, feel the loss, feel alone, feel desperate and as though you will never recover and once you give into it and let it go you will feel better I promise you. I was scared at first to let go because I thought I would never recover but gradually I can see that I am but it is very slow and very painful. The good memories will come in time. In relation to the dropped off contact, I too had that and its easy to think that nobody cares anymore, the hardest thing to come to terms with is no one else feels the loss like you do or they deal with it differently. You sometimes need to ask for help and trust me the people that matter the most to you and do care will be there for you. You are not alone. Take care.

I’ve spent weeks going through all the photographs. I even had to buy photo corners to complete my Mum’s wedding album which she never got around to from 1954.

Keep making list after list to keep my mind focused but it’s so hard.

I think anything that keeps you occupied or keeps your mind occupied will help a bit. I lost my dear cat this week and he was my friend when I was low, so as they say, it never rains but it pours and that seems so true for me right now. Maybe you didnt grieve for your father at the time and it is all coming together, I feel like that now, my cat has gone, mum has gone and now I find myself thinking more about dad after 9 years. Things do seem to catch you up. I have started a completely new hobby, just doing it at home but it helps to focus on something, also although I find it hard to read, lack of concentration, I do it, even if I have read the same page a few times. Yes, it is so hard, so final, that’s the worst bit.

Think you’ve hit the nail on the head as I never really grieved for my dad and hardly ever talked about it. Can’t turn the clock back so will just have to learn to cope with it.

Hi, I understand totally. I too lost my mum recently, last June. And while everyone were so very supportive, it all stopped gradually after the funeral. I am an only child too, and not married either. So I have no family now to speak of, and while I have some good friends who are still there if I really need them, i just don’t feel like intruding sometimes. I’m sure your friends are still there to, you just mustn’t be afraid to ask them for help or company occasionally. Like you, I would chat to mum about all sorts of things on the phone, I would call her after I got home from work, often we’d just talk about the mundane, what we were having for dinner, etc. It’s difficult when we lose a parent at this age, they’ve always been there for us, we don’t know any different, so there is this massive void in life now. I still burst into tears and it still hurts. It will do so for a long time,I’m not going to kid you, but it’s quite normal. It’s very early days for you. Have you been in touch with Cruse, they offer bereavement counselling and can refer you to other support. I cared for my mum in the latter stages of her various ill health, and I am receiving support from a carers bereavement group, it is very helpful and I am in contact with members outside of the group. This is better than friends in a sense as we are all going through this together. I’m not going to pretend it is easy, meeting new people when feeling so vulnerable and hurting, but it really has helped. Things will change but as I said you are very early into the grieving, you must be still feeling quite numb and that everything is just so surreal. I know, that’s how I felt in those first couple of months. I had to take 6wks off work because I simply couldn’t function. But honestly it does change, it is a very gradually process. Do try if you can when you feel strong enough to reach out to people, they won’t know otherwise how bad your feeling. Take care, Carol

I lost my husband in October it does it get easier you keep positive and try to go out for a walk everyday