Lost my mum and feeling so hopeless

I lost my Mum just before Christmas and I am really struggling to cope with simple things. I’ve always been very organised and had senior roles where I was controls were and essential part of my life. Since Mum has gone I find so many things go wrong and even the slightest thing feels as though I’ve lost control. It’s making me feel totally useless.

Hi,

I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your Mum just before Christmas and that you’re having such a difficult time right now. Losing a parent at any age is incredibly painful and turns everything in our world upside down. It’s understandable that you’re feeling that things are out of control for you at the moment and that leaves you feeling useless.

I lost my Mum nearly 5 years ago and I can still remember how scared & helpless I felt - I was 43 at the time & I was not ready to feel like that. I was a grown up, a mature woman. I expected upset, devastation, lots of emotions but not the panic, anxiety & loss of control. You’re not alone.

Do you have anyone close that you can talk to about how you’re feeling? I had some bereavement counselling that helped me enormously. I didn’t really have anyone close to talk to as it was my Mum I had always confided in. Your GP can refer you or if you did want to talk to someone there is a link on the right hand side of the community home page for our online bereavement counselling service. Maybe worth considering?

We all grieve in different ways and it can feel scarey & overwhelming. There are lots of people in the community who will understand what you’re going through.

Keep talking to us & take care. Trudy x

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Sending empathetic hugs

Hello Psul B,

I am sorry to read your message about the loss of your Mum late last year and how hard you are finding things now.

My Mum passed away in 2016 and like you I really struggled when things went wrong. I remember a month after losing Mum crying my eyes out because I dropped my favourite mug and broke it. Ridiculous and hard to believe when all I had to do was go out and buy another or use any of the others just as nice I had.

I find now 19 months after my loss I can get through the day as long as things run smoothly. If they don’t I am hopeless. Burst pipe at home, anyone else would find a plumber. Not me, floods of tears and wringing of hands. I-pad charging cable stops working, panic instead of going and buying another one.

I suspect these examples make me sound a complete ninny and not a woman in her 50s! Just to say you are not alone (and are probably much more sensible than me). Fortunately I feel I can laugh at myself for being such a twit over things like that which in the grand scheme of things don’t matter a jot.

Keep taking each day as it comes. You are not useless in the slightest.

Mel.

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