Lost my Mum and PND

Last year, I lost 2 step parents in the space of 2 weeks. My step mum’s death triggered psychosis for my Dad who ended up needing to be in residential care and now has vascular dementia.
My mum had been unwell, in and out of hospital for her bronchiectasis since my step dad passed and last month we were told that her lungs were so damaged and weren’t responding to treatment. She was transferred to a hospice on 3rd Nov and passed away on 6th Nov.
I gave birth to my daughter 7 weeks ago (I already have a 2.5yr old) and since her birth I’ve been struggling with what I think is PND, and this has become much worse since my mum’s passing.
All I want is to be with my mum. I miss her terribly, I’m in so much pain. I don’t know how to live a life without her in it, and I don’t know how I’ll ever move forward or find enjoyment in life again.
I feel lucky to have my children, but I can’t enjoy them without my mum.
I keep going to ring her, or send her a photo, and then I realise I can’t.
I’m not getting along with my husband either as he doesn’t know what to say, and doesn’t understand my grief.
I now have no parent or grandparent figure I can go to, and have found myself at the top of my family tree which is very scary at only 34.
I’m an absolute mess and I don’t feel like I’ll ever be happy again or be able to live without her.


Hello @EmmaA1, I am so sorry for the loss of your mum. As well as the loss of your step-parents and your dad’s illness, it sounds like you are coping with so much.

The loss of your mum is so recent and raw and will be made all the harder by the birth of your daughter. You are still in the very early stages of grief. Our supporting yourself pages might be helpful for you right now. You may also want to send our supporting someone who has been bereaved page to your husband; it can be hard to know what to say to someone is grieving and this guide aims to help.

If you think you are suffering from PND, it’s really important that you reach out for help. You can speak to your health visitor, or make an appointment with your GP. Your GP could also help you to find bereavement support, too. PaNDAS (PND Awareness and Support) have a helpline that you can call on 0808 1961 776. They also offer text support. Text the word ‘ PANDAS ’ to 85258 any time, day or night.

Take good care; you are not alone.


I am so sorry for your loss and find myself in a very similar situation. I am also 34 with 2 small babies, i lost my mum 10 days after my youngest was born 4 months ago. I’m not sure if I am just grieving or have pnd or normal depression? Everything just feels so raw and unfair. Sorry I have no advice for you, just wanted you to know you aren’t the only one feeling this way. xx

Hello @Butterfly1 thank you for your message. I’m sorry you’re also in a really tough stage too. Having a newborn and losing your Mum is truly the worst feeling. If you’d like to chat then feel free to PM me. Losing a mum when in such a vulnerable stage of motherhood is a unique and very painful thing to go through x

Aw darling, I am so sorry to hear of all your loss, and you are ony 34. I am 40, married with 2 small kids and lost my wee mum suddenly in April this year. Noone knew she was unwell. She went to hospital with dehydration and 6 days later passed away with pneumonia and sepsis, no warning. My heart broke. I lost my dad when I Was 22, again very sudden. I have 2 big brothers who I love but don’t really keep in touch and are not grieving the same as they didn’t see mum for a few years and only called on bdays etc. Me and my mum spoke daily and now I am.lost without her. All you do is take each day and feel what you need to feel. There is no way over grief, only to go through it, so I have been told. Your husband can only do so much, he can’t understand the heartache you are in. The is there for you and doing his best I am sure? Life will be different now but you will find your own way in time, in your own time. Take the time to be, to heal. Xx