Hi, I lost my mum unexpectedly and suddenly earlier this month. My baby was four months old when she died and it was her first grandchild. She was so excited to be a nanny, and helped me look after her every week. I feel disappointed that my baby won’t remember her and all the plans we had for the future are now gone.
She was only 66 and although now I don’t assume to live to an old age, I’m saddened and scared that I will now be without my mum for the rest of my life. I’m 37 and I could live another 37 years without her. It could be such a long time.
Her death was sudden and my dad died nine years ago suddenly too, although I didn’t have a good relationship with him. There was no long lead up to her death, no lengthy hospital stays or major warning signs - one moment she was here, the next she was gone. No second chance. It seems so unfair.
It’s hard going through two major events - having a baby and losing a parent - at the same time. My head is foggy with trying to figure out being a parent while dealing with sleep deprivation and now this. And I’m fixated on her age. I just assumed when my dad died aged 58, that she would be around a lot longer as she seemed relatively healthy. I feel envious of others who have still got their parents, especially their mum. I wonder if anyone has gone through something similar or can relate to any part of my story.
I became a grandmother for the very first time, in July of last year. My partner and I, instantly fell in love with him. He was our world. My partner passed away, just after his first birthday. My heart breaks that he will not know his grampy. A lovely kind and gentle man. One thing I can say, I am certain your mum would have been thrilled and loved being a Nanny (The greatest gift) you gave her that. My mum died when I was 5 and my Dad in my 20’s. My two younger children never had grandparents. I did talk about them. Make a memory box to show your child when they are older. I aim to do the same for my grandson. Hugs
Hi Clare28
I also lost my mother at the young age of 55, I was 32 and 7 months pregnant with what would have been her first and only grandchild.
I am sure looking back that I never allowed myself to grieve as I focused on bringing my child into the world and then looking after him.
I have now lost that son and am grieving for both
What I would say is find support, allow yourself to miss your mother whilst cherishing moments with your child.
Grief will come wash over you at times and I recall having moments with my son when I just wished mum was with me. I also ensured that he knew how much he would have meant to her.
Be kind to yourself, sending love, you will move forwards with the love she left you.
I am so very sorry. I am sorry that your mom won’t see her grandchild grow up. I am sorry that your baby won’t know the love of a grandmother. I am so sorry that when you need your mom most, she is no longer here. I am so sorry that you are so young and will not have a mom now. I am heartbroken for you.
It is a loss like no other. My mother passed 12 years ago. It is she I need to talk to most now. Do you have a mother-in-law, a grandmother. an aunt, that you can lean on for baby advice and bragging and mourning? You need an older woman or two in your circle. We’ve been through everything and if we haven’t, we know someone who has.