Lost my mum, dreading christmas and what it will be

I was 17 when I lost my mum and its just come up 4 years… every year after ive dreaded Christmas. Ive felt lonely every year… My dad moved on and is in a relationship with a baby of 6 months he practically has moved out& left me and my brother who is 23 to live in the home we once lived as a family. my mum and dad were married 23 years. She passed away suddenly from ovarian cancer, within 2 weeks of finding out. It still really affects the family. After my mum died it was myself, my dad and brother. Now my dad is happily in a new relationship. I kinda feel left to ‘get on with it’ This Christmas is going to be especially hard, because my dad isn’t going to be here. I just kinda don’t know what to do…

Hi Maria,

So sorry to hear your story.

It’s no consolation but unfortunately a sad fact that some people losing a lifetime partner are very lonely despite having the support and closeness of their own family. Growing up and over the years I have seen this in my own family where the remaining partner seems to move on and find a new relationships. It’s hard for the family to accept this at times. It’s too soon or how could the other person possibly replace such a solid established relationship. In reality it probably doesn’t as there are dreams and goals that were unfulfilled as one partner passes. It does however form a new and different relationship. Your Dad will probably never stop loving your Mum or you or your brother. His own grief and loneliness have possibly just led him down a new path.

Your Dad knows you are young and will one day have your own family, making your own memories and dreams. He has lost his and must have seen such a long lonely road ahead without your Mum and less of you and your brother as life goes on.

As said, that will not be of any consolation to you but hopefully may put a bit of perspective on where you all find yourself now.

In terms of you and your brother, you really need to talk to your Dad if you have the strength to do that. let him know you are still struggling not only with the loss of your Mum but with a new family and new relationships. Let him know you miss him too.

Can you and your brother see your Dad on Christmas day? Maybe you should ask as he might think you do not want to be part of that new side of his life. It might not be what you want but in the circumstance it might be the best thing for all of you.

I am sorry for the loss of your Mum, I can only imagine how you must feel losing her so prematurely. I miss my Mum and Dad every day, they were not young and I suppose had a life fulfilled compared to your Mum and Dad’s partnership but it’s still sad when they go.

Take care of yourself, thinking of you…x