Hi, I lost my beautiful Mum during lockdown to a stroke in March 2021. I’m really struggling to cope with her loss because we weren’t allowed to say goodbye due to covid 
The most hurtful thing is we could see her the day she died on the ward but wouldn’t let us see her before. I’m so angry with myself, why I just didn’t go and see her, we were told it wasn’t allowed. If they knew she was dying why didn’t they let us go and see her? I can’t get past my grief, the what ifs etc. my Mums worst fear was dying alone and that’s what happened, I can never forgive the so called rules we had to abide by and I had to let my Mum die wondering where we were, heartbroken 
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Oh @Jo0895, I am so sorry, this is so hard for you. You have come to the right place, everyone here has loved and lost, have broken hearts and many of us feel anger at the whole covid visiting thing. My husband was in hospital for 5 months, with blood cancer. I was the only one allowed in - at least I got that far - and for 1 hour. He was alone for the rest of the time, feeling worse and worse. I share your rage at the cruel rules that separated loved ones at the time love and companionship was needed the most. There will be an Inquiry into Covid rules and response and I am sure this will come in for major criticism. But that doesn’t help how you feel now. You could not have done anything else. The hospitals were intransigent with their rules, there was nothing more you could have done. You could write to the hospital and ask for answers as to why, when she was dying, you were not allowed to see her. That action might help. I am so sorry, my friend and I hope this pain will ease. Sending loads of love and hugs.
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Jo085 I feel so sad reading your words. I lost my mum in January 2021 and, due to the covid restrictions the End of Life plan we had prepared couldn’t happen. My lovely mum was also in hospital. I have spent so much time ruminating on the “what ifs” etc to the extent that I had a breakdown after we laid mum’s ashes to rest. I miss ss her every day but I am determined to fight hard to recover and be mentally in the " right place" to remember my mum with love. I try not to be angry. Purely because this makes my anxiety so bad that I decided to try to focus on the beautiful memories which I will always have no matter what. Incidentally, we cared for mum at home for approx 13 years with dad as the main carer. I try to focus on the quality of life prior to covid if that makes sense? We all did as much as we could for mum and I am making it a priority to remind myself of this. Luckily dad was able to say goodbye and he passed on our messages and love on mine and my sister’s behalf. It is far from the situation we all wanted. Life is so cruel isn’t it. Take care x
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Thank you for your messages, it might be a good idea to get in touch with the hospital to get some answers. Dad didn’t get to say goodbye either and they’ve been together over 60 years! Xx
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Yes my parents met in 1957 which makes me 58 this year and I miss my mum terribly. Maybe getting some answers will enable you to let the anger go. This, I am guessing, will help you to heal. I have just found acceptance after many months of being so utterly sad. Take care xxx
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