Lost my mum & guilt

My mum died of dementia at 89-3 weeks ago. My dad has found it tough but is his usual cantankerous self which is a good thing. I live in another part of the country & have dealt with most of the admin etc while phoning my dad every day ( my brother lives with him but their relationship is very strained due to the toll looking after my mum took on them. I find myself getting overwhelmed with guilt. I miss the security of being a child, I feel guilty at having children myself because I would never want to lose them. I have a supportive husband & good friends. I have battles with anxiety and depression all my life and currently on medication. I feel like I am so frightened of the future Catastrophising & am guilty that I am only worrying about the impact on me! Just wanted to speak because I feel I can’t speak to anyone as I don’t want to drag them down.

I’m sorry you lost your Mum. It’s very early days for you, so be gentle with yourself. I lost my Mum nearly a year ago, so i do understand how sad and devastating it all feels.
I too miss the security of being a child.
I found going to bed earlier helped with sleepless nights. Take care.

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Dear @Polly3, I am so sorry you lost your lovely mum. When you have pre-existing mental health conditions like anxiety and depression, grief can become rather complex. Have you considered bereavement counselling? Sue Ryder offer a free service online - maybe you will benefit from talking to someone about things like your guilt? I mean, you have nothing to be guilty about, you’re not doing anything wrong, but it is quite easy to just feel guilty, and counselling can help with this. However, if at the moment you are not quite ready, then please keep posting here, people like @Daffy123 are a wonderful help.