Lost my mum (I was her carer too)

Losing a parent
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Hi, I lost my mum just after Christmas, It has been a really harrowing year and a half. I supported her for nearly 14 years after her big stroke, (Which left her paralysed down her right side and in a wheelchair, she managed in her own home with carers coming in. Then she moved her into a care home a year and a half ago. After she got breast cancer and could no longer stand up on her own.
We cleared her house ready for renting. (Which was another harrowing experience as anyone who has had to do it will know)
Then in November she had 2 strokes. The hospital also told us she had a brain tumor that had been there a year that no one had told us about. Mum was unable to swallow by herself, (Had nasal tube for a month but didn’t recover) so basically they sent her back to care home to die. which she did less than a week from leaving hospital, I feel Very lost with out her now, As would visit almost daily. I thought it would be a relief when she did finally go, as she was so disabled by the end and so confused.

But I also have Generalised anxiety disorder which has been worse since she died. Also waking up every night, Its so exhausting at times having to go to work too.
My dad has strokes too and died 20 years ago. It feels very strange not having any parents left. Some days I feel I am doing really well considering all Ive been through and others (when not slept) I feel dreadful and cant stop crying. It can hit me at anytime and find tears running down my face.
Wondering how you know when you need some extra help ie should visit GP? I think I’m going to keep a diary so I can get an idea of how I’m doing. So I can keep track. I did CBT for my anxiety in the past which helped. Thanks for reading and any advice.

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@Sonny75 you are still in the early stages of your loss so give yourself time. It sounds like you’ve had a lot to deal with so it will take a while for you to adjust. Perhaps accessing the support from the online resources might help you but if you’re really struggling go to your GP. It’s probably best to start the process now rather than wait until things feel worse. Take life one day at a time and don’t have any expectations for yourself. Simple tasks based around self care should be a priority. Be kind to yourself. Take care, best wishes xx

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thank you, Yes I think will see how I go and see GP if it doesnt improve.
Kind regards

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mine are gone too. I have survived it. but I tell myself I must finish my life as valiantly as I can, to honor them. I must complete my race with honor and dignity to honor their lives. it is the only proper way. this is how I feel on my best days. I also have my worst days when I want to die. but I feel the ethical thing to do is do as well as I can to my own end. then I will have done something, at least.

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I’m very sorry for your loss. I too have lost both my parents and it makes you feel set adrift. :pensive: Keeping a diary sounds like a good idea, it helps to write things down. I think almost everyone can benefit from talking to someone after a loss and you’ve been through a lot, being her carer also. If you don’t sleep well it might be better to contact a GP right away, or if you feel like it’s more than you can cope with and the anxiety gets so bad none of the CBT-strategies works. All the best. :heart:

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this is well said …

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