Lost my mum last February

I lost my mum last February, so barely 3 months ago. She was living in a wonderful care home close to where I live, so I used to visit her often. Then Covid came along. Then we were not allowed to visit her inside and could only see her in a summerhouse in the garden, She started deteriorating mentally and physically and had retreated into herself. The care home then locked down and all residents were confined to their rooms for 2 weeks. Mum tested positive for Covid on the Saturday, we had a Facetime call with her on the Wednesday, but the following Saturday the care home called me in as mum was slipping away, Dressed in full PPE I had to say hurried goodbyes. She passed away on the following Tuesday, 10 days after being tested positive. I couldn’t believe it. I had no chance to hug her or kiss her.
I thought I was coping ok.
The funeral and Probate matters kept me busy. I work most weeks, cycle a lot, and walk the dogs, so doing all the right things. I’m not an angry person, but I feel angry deep down. Small irrational things suddenly irritate me out of all proportion. A simple DIY job went wrong and suddenly I’m throwing tools and bit of plastic pipe around the kitchen.
My wife comments that I’m not ‘right’, but she says that over time, she knows she will get the old me back. My children ask her if ‘Dad’s ok’
2 years ago - almost to the day - I lost my dad, I think I had just about come to terms with that, now my mum has gone too. When my dad died I focussed my energies in caring for my mum.
The last images and memories I have of her are in the care home slipping away. I’m trying hard to rewind my mind back to happier times with her,
I’m finally acknowledging to myself and to my family, that I need some counselling, posting this is my first step.


Hello Peter,

I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. It sounds as though things are tough at the moment and you are feeling overwhelmed.

I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here, and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

You mention counselling and Sue Ryder offers an online bereavement counselling service. This is a free service with sessions held via video chat so you can attend from home. There’s more information here: www.sueryder.org/counselling

Take care,

Online Community team

Hello Peter

I’m so sorry for your loss.

It takes courage to post such personal feelings so you’ve done a good thing posting here.

I lost my Mum 5 months ago and this forum has really helped me. Grief was an unknown quantity to me before 8th December 2020 and I was plunged into this terrible world without my Mum.

Grief is so much more than your loved one not being here any more.

I hope you find posting helpful, I do. You’re not alone.

Nicky x

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Well done on posting, it must have helped to ‘get it out’. I’m a month ahead of you & lost my world/mum in January. The irritability is a completely normal part of grief & will subside as you process everything, so please don’t work yourself up over it, just let it happen.

A friend who lost his mum told me to gather all the photos I had and keep them nearby, and it helped replace the horrific hospital images in my head. I have also made a playlist on Spotify of all my mum’s favourite songs, and play it when I need to as music often releases hidden emotions & memories attached to various songs.

I also remain fearful of losing memories, but I trust that the deep set love I have for my mum won’t ever let that happen. X