I lost my mum on the 8th of august and my whole world has come crashing down.
My mum was ill will a severe lung condition for a long time with multiple hospital visits but over the past year she slowly started to deteriorate and got to the point where she couldn’t do anything for herself.
My mum was discharged from hospital on the 6th of august because she wanted to come home, I wasn’t entirely happy with this decision as she hadn’t really made any improvement. I went to a festival on the Saturday 7th of august (I’m 31) with my friends. A carer came to sit with her for a few hours. I got a call from her at about 10pm asking me to come home cause she was sat in the dark and cold and couldn’t move (the carer had left when it was still light outside so didn’t put the light on or close the windows) I got an Uber home which took me about an hour and found her sitting in the dark as she wasn’t able to get up from the sofa and turn the light on or close the windows.
I helped her to bed, got her some food to eat, helped her with her medication and sorted all of her stuff for the morning. I made sure she was ok and went to bed.
I woke up at 6am to use the bathroom and checked on my mum, she was lying up straight (which she usually done) sleeping, I made sure she was breathing and she was ok. I went back to sleep but took a sleeping pill and didn’t set an alarm.
I woke up at 11am and went to check on her and found her passed away. She was sitting on the edge of the bed but lying straight back. I can’t get the image out of my head.
I keep replaying everything in my head. I shouldn’t have gone to that festival on Saturday when she said she wasn’t feeling well. I shouldn’t have taken that sleeping pill and I should have set an alarm.
I keep thinking if she suffered when she passed away. Did she call my name and I didn’t hear her cause I was asleep. If I had set an alarm and woken up earlier then maybe I could have helped her. I wish I was with her in her last moments so she wasn’t alone and I could have provided her with some comfort.
My mum was my best friend and my soul mate. It’s been just us my whole life and I’ve been caring for her for so many years.
I feel like my whole life has ended. My heart has been shattered into a million pieces. It’s her funeral today (Thursday) and I’m absolutely dreading saying my final goodbye to her.
I just can’t believe she’s gone. I miss her so much.